I haven't been this bad in a while... (possible trigger warning)
I can't really describe all that I'm feeling with words because of my fear of constantly contradicting myself, but I think these gifs may describe it best:
Ever since I started going to my therapist in April/May, I've had some bad moments with depression, but my body and mind have actually turned more to my anxiety. The past couple of weeks though, depression came back and today is especially bad. I feel angry and lonely and hopeless and like I just want to die. I'll be honest, I haven't really been trying to take care of myself other than taking a shower every few days.
My house is a mess, I haven't washed my dishes in weeks, I have almost given up on cooking myself dinner because I can't help but think of how long that takes me so I just get food from the gas station and almost binge, and I don't do anything outside of work or physical therapy (ankle injury), and I definitely don't do the exercises I need to at home. I sometimes feel like my ankle isn't going to get better 100% and there's not much point in doing exercises on my own, although I know for a fact that exercises help. Anytime I come home, I end up "relaxing" by just sitting on my phone and putting in a movie and watching one or two of them before finally going to bed. I've actually been watching the same movie every day for the past few days. I really love the movie, but I can't understand why I keep watching that one; there's lots of other movies I have that I love just as much. The only thing I seem to do other than that is taking care of my guinea pigs. I don't do EVERYTHING I'm supposed to do for them, but I take better care of them than I do myself it seems like. I love them a lot and they're the only ones that live with me.
I would say I don't know what to do, but that would be a lie. I know there's steps I can take to help myself feel better. I know exactly what I can do to help myself, and if I don't, I know where to look. I just...idk...I'm not sure if I just don't WANT to help myself, or if I don't have the energy, or if I just don't think it'll do any good.
I'm not even sure why I'm making this thread. I suppose I want help, but don't know how to ask for it offline. It's so hard to even go this in depth with my therapist, not that it's really come up that much.. Anyway, thanks for listening.
@fightingscot94
I'm very sorry you're suffering like this. I really am, because most of your experiences are relatable to me.
The changing mood periods (angry to lonely to depressed), nihilism, neglecting personal care and the household. The binge eating and binge watching. It all makes sense if you have some mood-related issues.
However, I'd like to notice several good things: the fact that you already have reached out (the therapist), the fact that you're here on 7cups, the fact that you notice your behaviours and your instinct tells you what is worrying (that's a great sign!) and your guinea pigs! <3 (perhaps you could ask someone close to help you around the house and with your pigs?)
I would say I don't know what to do, but that would be a lie. I know there's steps I can take to help myself feel better. I know exactly what I can do to help myself, and if I don't, I know where to look. I just...idk..." - Being a bit harsh on yourself - that's the voice of your bad mood/health issues, a very typical thing in mental-health-related stuff. So are indecisiveness and hopelessness. ("I'm not sure if I just don't WANT to help myself, or if I don't have the energy, or if I just don't think it'll do any good.")
It's alright to have doubts and fears, and if you feel the therapist is not ok, or the moment is not right, it's also fine. The healing process is long and exhausting, but very important. It also takes time before you can really trust your therapist. Relapse after a calm period can be super tough... I'm very happy to see that you're fighting for your health, though.
Lots of love!
@greenEyes2019
thank you so much 
i know i didn't reply right away, but your response helped me feel a little better about myself. I actually had therapy on Friday after I had posted this, and found out that on top of anxiety and depression, I also have ADHD, which is probably some of the cause of the other 2 issues. I'm not sure how I feel about it right now, but I do feel like I have a better idea of which direction to go. With anxiety and depression I feel like there's some confusion (at least for me) with how exactly to proceed in getting better. There's nothing concrete and too many different routes you can go on, whereas with ADHD it's a little simpler (I think anyway, I'm still learning about it). My therapist said after I go to the doctor and we decide that medication is the route we want to go, that (along with me putting in the effort) it may help with my anxiety and depression and the issues that came along with those.
Here's to hoping things will be better. 
