I just don't know.
These last few years have been worst than I could have ever imagined. I am not even sure where to begin. I am emotionally drained from all of the events that have taken place over the last few years. I lost members of my family who I loved so much. The first was my grandpaw. He was the best person I have ever known and he was so loving. The next person was my brother who publicly committed suicide, and his death was all of the tv. This was two years ago, and my senior year in highschool. My family has been torn apart from this and my parents got a divorce. My dad moved far away, and I had to live with my mom who would abuse my daily, more emotionally than anything. I did seek therapy for awhile, until I left for college. Things haven't gotten any easier since. I live in constant fear and my emotions are so messed up. I also worry about my grades, since that is how I pay for college, even though I have a 3.9. I look forward to going to bed. My family had disowned me, expect my dad. He stays so busy though, and blames himself for everything. I go to a private chrisitian college, and my professors say I am just being disobedient to God since I can't control my emotions and that I must be sinning.
My anxiety and depression are not something I can control, and no one understands that. I am trying to seek help, and I get told that I am a bad person for worrying.
I really don't have many people who understand my feelings, other than my dad.He is amazing.
I do have a doctors appointment Wednesday, so that is something to look forward to.
I am sorry to hear that all. Unfortunately everybody has to struggle with tough situations and tough times and they can cause depressions, anxiety, emotional lability. It happens. But be sure there is nothing bad about it so you should not be judged or told that you are sinning. 
You definitely are NOT a bad person because what you feel and what you struggle with. I hope you will get better and that people around you will stop judging you with nonsence like that.
Remember we are here for you, so If you feel miserable and want somebody to understand your feelings, don't worry to send us a message and talk to us. We will never judge you 
Hello Sleepy:
After all you have been thru you have every right to feel the way you do. God would never look down on you. Do not believe that for one second!!! Please check out this website and ask your doctor about it. https://www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org/,. I have tried everything and these treatments were the only thing that worked. They worked within hours! I have done much research and would be glad to discuss it with you.
Good luck and God Bless