I'm depressed.
Hi there, I'm Aaron.
Some years back I was depressed, laying in bed not wanting to get up, feeling down, having those sorts of thoughts we sometimes get. In 2014 I started going to an arcade with friends once a week, and that turned into voluntary work because we liked the place, but we ended up leaving late 2015 because we had enough and there were disagreements with the owner.
Early 2016, I started going to a gaming lounge, and started doing voluntary stuff (some flyers, cards etc) and I met someone new who was pretty amazing, and 4 weeks ago we fell out, he has depression too, anxiety, and other stuff, and he doesn't want to speak to me, said I'll never see him again etc, and I really want to talk to him but, can't find the right words because we had a pretty terrible situation.
for the past 2 months, my eating has been pretty bad, I would say I've probably had 5 or 6 proper meals, other times its been a drink, a cheese string and a pack of monster munch (corn snacks for you americans) I wake up in bed around 11pm, and just lay there for a few hours feeling like I did some years back, and it sucks when its really sunny out and you think about how you've wasted your day in bed or whatever, then I start thinking about what happened between me and my friend again, and how I can't apologize enough, and want to tell him I honestly didn't know about certain things. I got out of bed at 2pm, had a bath, and came down and sat at the PC.
I don't know what to do heh.
@morethan7 Hello! I want to first say welcome to 7cups. It's incredibly brave of you to reach out and tell us your story and I'm very happy you did. I understand that dealing with your own depression is hard so I can't imagine what you must be feeling that someone you really care about is also experiencing it. I can't give you advice on what to do since youre the expert on your own life. However, if you ever want to talk or need support in making a decision please feel free to reach out to me or another of 7cups listeners. I hope you feel better and things work out soon. Again, thank you for sharing your story.
@morethan7 My life is pretty similar than your and I want to tell you that is ok to take some time off to recover, and to feel better again, if you feel like you want someone to talk you can PM me anytime, I think if you keep trying things will get better.
I'm feeling much better, which is great though, I'm a little ill.
My guy that I guess I'm officially dating now... he came and picked me up at 5pm yesterday and took me off to Brighton, the weather was lovely, the journey there was nice because we had a lovely conversation and we listened to music and, he has the same sort of taste which is pretty amazing.
We got to Brighton, walked along the beach and into town, looked around for somewhere to eat (we were hoping to go to this japanese place) but it was full, so we went back to the seafront and walked along the pier, and it was so nice with the sun reflecting off of the ocean (first time going to Brighton btw) and then I found some other japanese place to eat but... again, full up, so we ended up in a steak house. I got the exact same thing as he got. A mixed grille, with steak, sausage, bacon, chicken and lamb, and the woman brought over a massive plate of chips haha but we left nearly all of those chips.
On the way home, he put on some 90's pop, steps, b*witched and some other cheesey tracks, also some garage and 2 step, it was nice, and I said about holding his hand in and we held hands for a bit, but he needed it for driving, so I put my hand on his leg and it was sooooo nice to, have that sort of comfort and physical contact. I feel happy being around him. I told him that he could stay the night but he said thats a little soon, and he said about coming in and watching a movie but by time we got back, it was 11:30 at night.
Told him I'd give him a snog but I'm kinda ill, and so I gave him a kiss on the cheek and a cuddle.
Today has been pretty ok, a friend held a tournament for a qualifiers thing for Nintendo, and the guy that I fell out with who supposedly moved away, he was nearby... Its difficult because, I know I'm going to see him at some point because the place I go to and help sometimes, he also goes there, and I really do not know what I'll say... if I try to play it cool and just be like "hi, you alright?" or if I... try talking to him about what happened between us. Because I do want my friend back but... I can't make him be my friend.
Anyway, I might update this with how I'm feeling day to day, or well... not day to day, but maybe a few times a week or something :D
@morethan7 It looks like you had a great time there, thanks for updating your status, please keep me up to date.
@morethan7 Hey Aaron, I'm sorry you had to go through such a hardship. It can be very diffiult when something like that happens when you're trying to get over something else. And I'm glad that you're getting back on track to happyland. I realize it's a difficult journey but from what I've read, I can tell you're a coruageous person and you can do whatever you set your mind to. Please talk to me if you feel sad or want to talk to someone about it. Cheers!
Thanks.
I will probably bump into the friend I lost on Thursday, will probably just say "hi, you alright?" and then if I go to a shop to get drinks or ice cream, I'll ask him if he'd like anything.
The guy I'm seeing, he called the other night, and last night, and this morning, its really nice, he keeps calling me his so I'm wondering if I should say he's my bf? I mean, he hasn't asked me yet but... I'd really like to haha, I think I'm going to go china town with him at some point, and I can buy some of my favourite cake and also go to Japan Center with him :D I'm really looking forward to seeing him again haha
@morethan7 Hi! First of all, welcome to 7 cups. You have to know that you're so incredibly brave for sharing this story with us. Remember, you're not alone, and you never will be. All of us here at 7 cups are there to support and to help you. Never be afraid to reach out to one of us. 
@ShriyaB Thank you, I deffo will reach out to some if I'm not doing so well x
Am nervous at the moment, today may be the first time I see the friend I fell out with. Its been 5 weeks since stuff happened and... I'm worried about what to say, or do I engage in conversation. Friends keep saying not to let him stop me from doing what I usually do but... being honest, I do want to talk to him but I'm not going to push it onto him. I will probably walk in and say "hi, you alright?" and thats it.
If he did want to talk, I would tell him that I swear on my nephews life that I didn't know of his physical contact problems, and ask if we can start fresh, but I'm scared that he could get nasty and start being horrible.
Today, finally got out of bed at 2pm (which was about 15/16 minutes ago)
A few days back, I got a form that needs filling out to do with my ESA, I explained to a listener that in 2010, I was on Job Seekers Allowance and got to a point where I couldn't cope anymore, and I went to have an assessment for my anxiety and I explained to the nurse that when me and my mum stopped for lunch, my mum popped to the bathroom and I panicked because I was on my own. This nurse put on the form that I "occasionally go to Mccdonalds" and didn't mention that I panicked at all.
I appealed against it in 2013, twice because I had 2 assessments and both times I won, I was in a room with a doctors and a judge and they discussed and came to the decisions etc, and I got quite a bit of money which was good. They said that I have a couple of years to try and get better and see if I can start working, and I did get out a bit over the years but yea... this form, thats kind of stressing me out now.
I do wish that it were easy for me to go get a job and for me to feel ok, theres something in my brain each time I've applied for a place that makes my brain shut off and not... work properly? a few years ago, A friend set up an interview for me and another friend at the cinema, I went in and I felt somewhat confident, but in the evening when they called up I panicked and never answered the phone.
I do graphic design for a place currently, which is voluntary but I haven't done that in a while, I think the last time was before Christmas, its for a gaming lounge and I go there once a week to get out, which is where I met the friend I fell out with. Maybe next week I'll ask the owner of the place if he needs anything new made, then I can perhaps build my portfolio and show it to some of the printing places nearby or whatever... I'm getting a bit worried about things, multiple things.
Today I'm feeling odd, though I'm up pretty early, and just had a bath.
The guy I'm dating is in a parade (he's a cadet) so I'm going to watch him in town, he won't be able to talk though which is a shame, so I can't do what I want and go cuddle him or whatever.
I asked 2 of the girls if they're available for lunch at 1pm, so I'll be seeing them both today, which will be nice. Haven't seen them in a while.
Again, up late... I had quite a bit of trouble sleeping because of this summer cold. I laid in bed today and didn't even think of the friend, just thought about how happy I am that I found this guy that I'm dating. I feel bad now because I got out of bed at 2:40pm but I've been ill so I guess its ok?
I've decided that next time I go out to the gaming lounge, I'ma ask the owner if he needs anything else made, so I can build up a bit more of a portfolio, I want to start designing again. There's 4 things I'd really like to do, one of them being graphic design work, and I could show some printing companies nearby, or around the gaming place... though I'm unsure if the friend I fell out with will be about so not too sure I want to do it around there. The second being that I do clothing design, but that would be difficult. I'd really love to do videogame clothing but fashionable, I don't like going into all these places and seeing stuff like Pikachu in a square on a plain white shirt. I'd like to do fashionable stuff at affordable prices :D
If not those, then maybe baking because I use to do a lot of baking some years back, or I'd try and become a dancer, because I'm pretty passionate about dance.
I think I need to start getting on with some stuff, there's a few games I've been thinking about playing for a while but haven't, and also my PC room I haven't tidied since before Christmas, I'll deffo need to tidy before the bf comes here and I cook him dinner haha
Today I'm feeling good :D I was looking at a picture of my bf (I guess he's not my bf yet but, its easier to say that) was looking at a pic last night and just overcome with loads of happy feelings.
I woke up earlier today than usual, which is good, and I was thinking about the friend I fell out with, and all the awful things I could say if he were to turn nasty if I said hi to him, but I feel ok with it I guess? I'm thinking about him less and less, and slowly feeling more happy about whats going on in other places haha, though I may see him tomorrow... It worries me a little.
I've started playing some videogames that I left unfinished, and thats helped a lot :D
