I’m over it
Hi everyone,
I’m struggling so much right now. I wake up every morning hoping it’s my last.
I feel spoilt because people are starving and living with no water but are so excited to get up and try harder.
I’m in University and I can’t even even put in any effort or log in to do my work. I sit and just watch Netflix all day. I have no regard for my well being or anything in it.
I feel these moments where I think I’m happy but I just realised that I’m just not upset, it doesn’t mean I’m happy. I know how things should make me feel but I just feel nothing.
I’m constantly wishing for Armageddon because it just feels like I can’t do anymore, I have nothing more to add.Of course I wouldn’t hurt myself but if something had to hurt me I wouldn’t mind.
@Malaika20
Hey Malaika!
I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling right now but I want you to know that there are people here to support you and help out in whatever way they can; you're not alone!
More importantly, please don't feel like you're "spoilt" or ungrateful simply because there are people who have it worse than you do. Your struggles are real and they matter, irrespective of what someone else might be going through. One of my favorite quotes by Viktor Frankl is his comparison of human suffering to the behavior of gas in a chamber. Irrespective of the quantity of the gas, it will fill up the chamber evenly and entirely. Similarly, irrespective of the "quantity" of one's suffering, it can fill up the heart and mind entirely. As such, one's struggles simply can't be compared to anyone else's; it fills up our heart and mind entirely and it's okay to seek help for it and brave to admit that it's tough. You don't have to earn the right to self-care, you already have it.
I can understand how not being upset doesn't necessarily mean that you're happy and it's actually a very insightful observation and shows great self-awareness. I suppose a helpful question to ask yourself at this juncture would be: "What does happiness feel like to me and what can I do to make myself feel happy?"
I hope this response was helpful and I wish you all the best with University! Take care :)