In my blood by Shawn Mendes
Im 32 yo female, no kids/husband. College graduate, Masters degree. Ive been suffering from depression since I was 17, however the last three years have been especially bad and I began considering suicide. I was baker acted from my salaried position at a university at the onset of the last three years. The baker act really set my dominoes toppling over.
Im barely hanging on by a thread, and I do not have a support system. I was always very independent and strong until I broke. The strength I was always so proud of is now a huge weakness as I dont have any friends/family I can lean on. I have talked to my friends and family about my situation, and exactly how I feel. Unfortunately, these relationships are not close enough to help me. My revelation overwhelmed the family I told, and because I was always so independent, I think that my revelation was too overwhelming to the family I did tell, and quite frankly they didnt know what to do.
I have a relatively new boyfriend (7 mos) who has his own set of problems. He is just now learning about the seriousness of my condition. I tried sharing this song with him, to try and explain how I feel, and I brought it up twice. I waited on pins and needles waiting to get his reaction to the song. The longer it took for him to reply, the more I began to worry that the song may have set off his own problems. So basically I send him the song that starts with the words help me, and he doesnt text back for an hour, he reveals hes been busy doing other things. I guess Im upset because I thought sending a song that clearly says help me would help him understand what Im going through. I just dont know, I am asking for help but its so hard when Ive had to be so self reliant for so long.
Here are the lyrics:
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
Laying on the bathroom floor, feeling nothing
I'm overwhelmed and insecure, give me something
I could take to ease my mind slowly
Just have a drink and you'll feel better
Just take her home and you'll feel better
Keep telling me that it gets better
Does it ever?
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I'm looking through my phone again, feeling anxious
Afraid to be alone again, I hate this
I'm trying to find a way to chill, can't breathe, oh
Is there somebody who could
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
I need somebody now
Someone to help me out
I need somebody now
Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
But I just can't
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood
I need somebody now
It isn't in my blood
I love this song and your relation to it! That's always an awesome feeling to be able to relate to a piece of art, such as a song. I hope things get better for you, and please don't hesitate to reach out to us for help 
@lime7288
I feel like I can really relate to you. I am just about the same age, not married, no kids (and OK with both of those, by the way)... masters degree, good job, but just DEPRESSED. I have been so independent my whole life and have also isolated myself to a point where I have pushed friends and family away. My friends are still there and still exist, but I feel like they have no idea who I am anymore from all the years of hiding my struggles. I rarely reach out to them anymore.
I love the song that you posted - I listen to it all the time and anaylyze it to death. I'm sorry your boyfriend didn't quite seem to get the point you were making with it. I think that for people like us, we GET IT, because we are living it every day. We understand and relate to every line, and don't just see the lines as lyrics that rhymed with the previous line. I think that people who are not fighting this battle only really see this song on it's surface... they see it as more motiational and happy... like, 'hey, good for him, he's not going to give up, it isn't in his blood!'.... meanwhile you and I are like 'YES, the walls ARE caving in, I'M overwhelemed, I'M insecure, numb, anxious, afraid to be alone, wanting to be alone, oh and there's all te advice people who don't understand give us, and guess what, it DOESN'T HELP!'
Feel free to chat with me anytime... I am really new to this whole 'opening up and talking about it thing', but I think we are in very similar situations. 