I've decided I don't want to be happy.
I'm a pretty interesting person. I enjoy being challenged. I enjoy getting approval from others. I don't enjoy things that other people enjoy. I don't ever feel happy. I do sometimes feel sad. Sometimes very sad. But never really happy, which I thought was a problem.
But do you know what else I never feel? Bored. I'm never ever bored. I mean I was once and I was struck by the novelty. And that was two years ago.
My extremes aren't happiness and sadness. They're sadness and exploding. I keep the fire burning for as long as I can and once I've used up everything I have I become overwhelmed by a combination of my dissatisfaction with life and my inability to change it. But when I do see a way to change it, I'm not happy and I don't want to be. I'm on fire.
@renroh
Hey, I just wanted to stop by and say how struck I was by this post. I really appreciated your insight on your mood and I think it will help people who have similar feelings. So thank you for sharing <3
@JanahisHere
I think at some level everyone wants to be happy and everyone sees things they lack in their lives. And we get caught up in thinking "I have to pursue the things that make me (or would make me) happy and of course I'm miserable because I don't have those things." But if I look back on the periods of my life where I was very active in pursuing those things, I didn't get everything I want, but I feel very proud of those times in my life and that is what I want to duplicate.
