I want friends but dont want friends

Hey guys I am 20 and in college. I have no social life because I avoid social encounters and dont know how to have friends. I have "friends" in the sense that a lot of people know me and like me from a distance, but nobody really knows me because I dont let people near me. I think this stems from self confidence issues I have hd my whole life. I am a good looking guy and I know thats what most people think of me. But I feel soooo ugly all the time. Like I just need to hide. I dont like myself at all and never have. I just want to leave this world. I cant bear living like this anymore. How can I get to a place of unconditional self-love and self-confidence. Please please please help me. I will take any advice. If you took the time to read this please tell me what I should do and help me out.