I wish I was better.
Hello, don't mind me, haha.
I have struggled with depression for a long, long time. So long, in fact, that I doubt there was ever a time where I didn't have it (tumultuous, abusive, traumatizing childhood, bad relationships as an adult, etc). It should be second nature at this point in my life. I should be used to it being around. I should be just able to accept that it's part of me, a part that I can't really get rid of.
But I apparently can't. For the past month, I've been more depressed than usual, and I don't know whether to attribute that to starting birth control, my emotional stability changing for some reason, or something else that I haven't even thought of. I don't feel like I have any sort of support system or people to talk to, because whenever I try to reach out to a friend like "hey, can we have a little time together bc i would really like it" or something similar, I'm either outright ignored or rejected. My fiancee told me last night when I said that I missed her warmth that maybe she doesn't have any more warmth because I've used it all because she's felt like she's had to emotionally support me too much. A group of friends (that include her) that I used to talk to and play games with all the time have basically been ignoring me lately, so I feel very excluded from them, even though she says that I'm not being excluded.
I have a referral for mental health care from my regular doctor, but I have to wait for the next round of appointments to open up, so it's just trying to cope until then. It's just very difficult. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone, because I'm afraid they'll just see me as attention-seeking or guilt-tripping or victimizing myself.
I feel very lonely. And that's what's been getting to me the most. I'm 31; I'm supposed to be an adult, I'm supposed to know how to deal with this. But I don't, because I never learned how. And I don't feel like anyone cares enough to even try to help, even a little bit. I'm not asking for my friends to be therapists, because I know they're not. But... even a little check in sometimes would be nice. Like. "hey, how are you today? you okay?" But I don't even get that, even though I check in with them.
Oh well.
I just wish I was better. I wish I was normal, so people would enjoy being around me and having me around, and even welcome me. But I'm not, and I feel like nobody wants me around anymore.
Blah.
Sorry for going on so long.
@rainbowsylveon wraps you up in the cosy blanket and cuddles you up ❤ yep! I think with mental health, it's learning to live beside it rather than cute it, unfortunately. Getting times were the depression seems so much worse, is very very hard, but also do common😥 hold on in there, I really hope you get to start therapy soon. Therapy has helped me so much, I pray it will help you too ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly ❤ you can be yourself here with us, without fear of judgement 🙂 ❤ venting can really help sometimes, I'll always listen. Everything is going to be ok ❤
@Tinywhisper11 thank you <3 things are very difficult right now and I feel bad even coming here and unloading, haha. and I also hope i can start therapy soon; i was doing teletherapy through my workplace but it didn't really help much. so I hope in-person will be better.
@karlacade mental health is never easy, I'm glad you were brave enough to reach out here for a bit of support ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤I'm always here for you ❤
Thank you for sharing your feelings here. It sounds like you’re going through a very tough time, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and lonely. Depression can be incredibly isolating, especially when it feels like those around you aren’t able to provide the support you need. First, I want to acknowledge your strength in opening up about your experiences. It’s not easy to talk about these things, and it shows a lot of courage. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out, even as an adult. Waiting for mental health care can be incredibly frustrating, but it’s good that you have a referral. In the meantime, it might help to find small, manageable ways to care for yourself, even if they seem insignificant. Sometimes, little steps can make a difference, even if they don’t solve everything. It’s really tough when support from friends and loved ones feels lacking. Communication can be hard, especially when others may not fully understand what you’re going through. Is there a way you can express your needs to them more clearly, or perhaps find a support group where others might relate to your experiences?
Please know that you’re not alone in this forum. Many people here understand what it’s like to feel the way you do.
We are here for you :)
Thank you for sharing your feelings here. It sounds like you’re going through a very tough time, and it’s completely understandable to feel overwhelmed and lonely. Depression can be incredibly isolating, especially when it feels like those around you aren’t able to provide the support you need. First, I want to acknowledge your strength in opening up about your experiences. It’s not easy to talk about these things, and it shows a lot of courage. It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out, even as an adult. Waiting for mental health care can be incredibly frustrating, but it’s good that you have a referral. In the meantime, it might help to find small, manageable ways to care for yourself, even if they seem insignificant. Sometimes, little steps can make a difference, even if they don’t solve everything. It’s really tough when support from friends and loved ones feels lacking. Communication can be hard, especially when others may not fully understand what you’re going through. Is there a way you can express your needs to them more clearly, or perhaps find a support group where others might relate to your experiences? Please know that you’re not alone in this forum. Many people here understand what it’s like to feel the way you do.
We are here for you :)
@karlacade We are so glad to have you, my friend. We are glad your here, at 7cups.
@karlacade
Hi. thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings here with honesty. it's normal to get feelings of loneliness and exclusion while fighting depression.
it's important to remember that depression is NOT a reflection of your worth or your ability to be loved and appreciated, but it's just a mental health condition that requires care.
waiting for the appointment can be hard, especially with such thoughts and feelings. but you can start by helping yourself feel better by taking a tiny step when you feel ready. you can always start by writing your thoughts and reflecting on them.
you mentioned that you feel like you should know how to handle a such situation now, but the truth is that no one in the entire world knows everything, regardless of age. and every one of us has problems that we've never faced before and feel helpless and powerless when dealing with them. and it's never too late to learn new strategies and ways to cope, you can always reach out for help, just like what you did here on 7Cups.
lastly, wanting to have your friends checking in with you is normal, and it shows that you care about their help.
Remember, you are not alone, and it's okay to ask for help. you are worthy of support and kindness, always.
I often have to take a sheet of paper out and challenge the assumptions I make about myself and others. I'm a bit older than you and have been diagnosed several times with dysthymia so I've had to grapple with this notion that I will always be depressed. I feel like it's too easy for me to fall into this trap of wanting other people to behave a certain way. I often have to remind myself that I have no control of other people's behavior. I can try to change how I react emotionally.
@karlacade: You have control over what you say/do along with how it’s done. You can be better so you don’t need to wish for something that you can make happen. You already proved that you’re better by having enough courage and bravery to be here and create this post where you shared all this about yourself. I admire that. Great job. Please talk to me if you want and if you’re comfortable to. Don’t give up on yourself.
@karlacade
Hello there bud... thanks for sharing your feelings here, it takes a lot of courage and it really shows what type of person you are, these wages of depression can feel really overwhelming but i want you to try your hardest to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and we will always be here with you if you need someone to talk to..
Sending hugggee hugs your way 💗
@karlacade Hi there! First, I'd like to say I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. I just wanted to say that all of your feelings are valid. You are valid. What you are going through is more than valid. And you are never alone. You have me! And the whole 7 Cups community! Please feel free to reach out any time if you need to talk or vent. I'm always here to listen. I'm proud of you for staying strong and seeking mental health help. You can do this. I believe in you. Sending so much love and light your way.
