Lack of Motivation or Strong Feelings
People say to just do stuff, but...I know it's easy to just do things, and it would probably only take a small amount of effort. But the lack of motivation just makes me want to sit and procrastinate and do nothing. I only have mild depression (with social anxiety) so the lack of motivation and the apathy to a lot of things are really my only problems. I've never had a panic attack or self harmed or anything too bad. But I think it's the lack of overly bad symptoms that have kept me from really doing anything about it because going to a therapist a few times to get diagnosed and then not going back because it was too expensive (Helped a little though) But it's hard when I really do want to work out or meal plan or clean the house, or whatever, but I just don't care enough to start.
And coupled with my anxiety telling me doing anything different will be scary and bad, it's just a losing combination. I'm not sure what the answer is to it because I haven't found it myself. Maybe depression pills? I've never tried them before, but I just can't imagine pills giving anyone sudden motivation. I want to eventually have kids (just got married) but if I can't find the motivation to clean up after myself, will I suddenly get the motivation to do it for a child? I have all these ambitious ideas about what I want to do but I don't know if when it comes down to it, I'll actually get up and do it. (Homeschooling my future kids for instance).
It's hard to imagine people are walking around psyched to actually do stuff. Had the feeling briefly once of just feeling okay (don't know what sparked it) but it was freaking nice lol Also felt genuine overwhelming love once (usually I don't feel much of anything one way or another) and ho boy, I want that feeling again. It came from a dream and lingered a little after I woke up. Only managed to feel it that one time. It was like God came down and just booped me for a second to remind me what I'm supposed to feel like.
I don't know. I guess any advise would be nice. Does my lack of motivation or strong feelings (besides maybe occationally sad...I can feel sad) is that enough to bother trying to deal with medication? I heard some make you gain weight or have hair loss and I heard they're expensive. Not to mention I have a hard time taking pills bigger than a normal round one so if they're big I wouldn't be able to...And I also heard sometimes they can make the depression worse. Anxiety meds seem to just be weak sleeping pills or muscle relaxors which is stupid so I'm not bothering with that.
I mean...I can function. I just wish I could feel more and have more motivation.
@Spencs15 It sounds a little like emotional flatness, which could be a depression symptom but I'm not a health care professional so I cannot diagnose. There are many ways to improve the condition in which you're living, medication is one and it's often helpful but not necessarily what to reach for first. With relief come side effects and that's true of antidepressants or aspiring or any drug. We all experience symptom relief and side effects a little differently, medication is a process and it could mean several tries until one is found that's useful. That's a conversation for you and your doctor to have.
There's a lot you can do for yourself by yourself. I think it's helpful to watch and listen to our inner monologue - without judgment, observe how do you talk to yourself. What if any labels do you assign to yourself that you've come to believe to be core truths? What do you think about goals for yourself - personal development, career, education? What do you believe you can or cannot do because... reasons?
I saw you mentioned therapy seemed helpful but a bit expensive. There are ways to get therapy cheaper than going privately to a therapist, you might explore those options. You can also do some reading on your own, learn and practice some skills to help manage your anxiety a little with cognitive techniques. Mindfulness exercises can sometimes reveal some roadblocks; knowing why we reach for distractions is good information from which we can obtain some insight into why we do some of the things we do. And I can say, I do some stuff that I know I shouldn't be doing but I just having figured out why it feels necessary.
I hope you're feeling well today and have a little peace of mind.