Loneliness

I don't want to be alone anymore. I am tired of trying to make friends .

I have never had friends , i was alone in my school in my my college. I wish I had a better life I wish I was a better person. I wish I had a life like a normal kid , with a lot of friends , parties going out to places.

But i never was and i still am not good enough to be able to make friends . Everyone is so better than me, no one wants to hang out with a loser. I don't want to be friends with me either.

A few people who do speak to me i am unable to follow through on that friendship, i get scared that if they come close they will see that i am not good enough, i am dumb pathetic and an idiot .

I am tired of this loneliness. I have a lot of anger and hatred in me. I don't know why my whole life was wasted. I have lost many years and they will never come back. And i have no one else to blame but me.

I drown Myself in tv series and movies to run away from the loneliness to run away from how much i hate myself for not being good enough.

I am too tired to try anymore i have tried a lot in the past nothing works i can't change who i am i can't be better.