My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
My Thanksgiving was pretty good. I was so tired after making sure that I pies were all ready baked that I didn’t get much sleep, but it was all worth it.
My mom loved our simple Thanksgiving, just me and her because my younger sister didn’t show up or answer our calls.
She loved her new shopping cart and I called my aunt with her so my mom could say thanks- my aunt said it was important for women their age to have stuff like that to help them asked about my mom’s jacket size so she could get her something nice and warm.
I was so worn out after all the travel that once I was home and after I enjoyed the slices of pumpkin and Dutch apple pie, I remade my bed with fresh sheets and fell asleep early.
I hope that your Thanksgiving with your mom and family was good too.
Sorry that I missed the other night. It does sound like you had a lovely time with your mom which is good. Simple Thanksgivings can be the best.
Mine was okay. I do have a nice family and we get along, but there were tons of people and lots of stimulation so that was a bit exhausting. But it was good to see people.
Yesterday we drove mom home and saw dad. He wasn't in really good shape. Although he was eating, it almost felt as though he was seeing through me and he wasn't really talking. I didn't think that he would survive through today which is my birthday. The thought of him dying on my birthday was hard to manage. But when we spoke this afternoon, he was doing much better. The up and down is really tough. @integrityblues
I’m glad that your Thanksgiving was nice!
Thanks. I hope that your week is going okay.
My dad is seemingly more stable this week but I just found out today that I probably need a second surgery in 2026. It would be nice to catch a bit of a break. @integrityblues
I’m glad to hear about your dad’s stability, but I’m so sorry about the possible surgery coming in 2026.
I had the silliest dream that I’d wake up from to go to the bathroom and or when I’d roll over and wrap myself in the blankets because the cold woke me. I’d fall back asleep and drop right back into the same dream.
I was interacting with these other people in the dream and it was like a variety of scenes with silly topics that would change from room to room- it took me forever to realize that it was an improv group and I’d needed to “Yes, and” my way through each scene change.
The funny part was that as things continued the improvisations began to stick, and it was like the regulars were cursed and since I was only visiting I was exempt. I finally woke up from the poor improvers having to do scenes related to the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale. Thankfully no one was turned into furniture.
An interesting dream. @integrityblues
I got my results from the MRIs yesterday and the stuff about my brain getting smaller (something that can happen at an increased rate to people with ms) made me sad. I mean, I’ve had similar results but only did a cursory bit of research to learn about it before. It turns out that chronic generalized brain volume loss can eventually lead to cognition problems and it sort of brought me back to when I’d been first diagnosed and was facing the disease and what could be in store for me.
I don’t want to have years of stability on DMTs get scraped because of something I can really effect. I’m more upset by facing an additional symptom later on that will mess with my cognitive function especially since so many of my symptoms have been sensory
I think with MS that each person's journey is quite different. Some symptoms for you might be much less. But not knowing what is in store is naturally hard. I can really feel for you.
Did they say that there was a noticeable decline in what they were seeing or just that it was a possibility?
We all take what we have been given a day at a time. That is the only way to do it. I have definitely been telling myself that a lot lately. We fight as hard as we can for each day, knowing that we are doing our best.
Yes, whenever I have to discuss MS with people I say “Each patient experiences it differently, we’re all as unique as snowflakes”.
I looked back at my MRIs for the last three years to see for sure how long it’s been happening. Each one states that it’s mild.
So after I panicked that night I looked up what I’m supposed to do about it- it all boils down to nothing can restore lost volume, but:
continuing my DMT so I don’t have lesion based damages in addition to this will make things less complicated
keeping healthy with diet, exercise, and sleep will help my body and brain
finally, learning new things will improve cognitive function. I can as practice activities that make me use my brain like reading, writing, and making art. I’m going to learn how to knit- I’ve told my older sister that if I can do it well enough I’ll make her a scarf!
I hate the unknown and what ifs. There’s a good chance that I won’t experience symptoms of cognitive decline but just the idea of it makes me very concerned about how I’m going to keep my hard won stability…I knew that progression was a possibility but I got used to things how they’ve been for the last 15 years.
Thanks bestVase. I’m going to try and get my head on straight to continue.
I’m going to see my mom tomorrow so I can do her shopping and help her make a dental appointment.
You aren't losing anything right now. You are doing well. I love the idea of learning to knit.
But I am currently going through a period where I have lost "my hard won stability". I am determined to try and get it back. I walk, drink tea, read novels, write gratitude statements, sing, do puzzles, light candles, use hand creams, get my nails painted - all to try to get back what I had even a few months to a year ago when all this bad stuff started piling on. So I fight knowing that I can't control it all. I can't control my dad's journey to death, I can't control whether I have cancer, I can't control my colleague battles at work, and I can't control how blurry my vision is going to get before I am able to get the second eye surgery. I can't control that the only thing that I can do right now is sit home and grade papers which I hate.
But I do know that whenever this bad period ends (and it will end eventually) that I will find some different stability again. It won't be the same, but it will happen I hope. So I understand those deep fears, but the only things that we have to conquer them is trying hard and hoping. @integrityblues
I’m going to try very hard to move forward.
I had an okay day with my mom yesterday but she called this morning very upset since she couldn’t remember if my younger sister actually visited like she said she was going to. It was very concerning and I tried to just listen and provide very basic assurances or ideas of how to make things easier since she fell the day before trying to take her laundry to the laundromat- a man walking his dog was kind and helped pick her up.
She’d bumped her head and bruised herself but she still got up and did her laundry after the man helped her to her feet.
My older sister called our mom and entertained her with stories about her local community cat. I told her that she should offer my compliments to the cute cat thats probably hunting vermin and looking for nice shady spots to nap.
Our parents go on roller coasters and unluckily we are along for the ride. I hope that your mom was a little better today.
We are both trying to look for the high points. I was with my Dad yesterday and he really enjoyed some McDonald's fries that I brought. So I am going to see that time as a gift and then see where things go from here.@integrityblues
I’m glad you’re dad liked the fries.
My mom was late to her dentist appointment because she got confused during the bus ride but she still saw them.
It was a good appointment where they looked at her false teeth and the sore spots in her mouth and on her poor gums. They took photos so they can make her another set of teeth that’ll fit and be cushioned for her comfort.
In the meantime she’s been told not to wear the old teeth and to eat soft foods, just like I suggested the day before. That there’s all sorts of soft foods that taste great and don’t require her to put on her teeth.
She’d taken the dentist’s advice and after her appointment went to the store to get some frozen meals and some soft options like mashed potatoes, riced cauliflower, and macaroni and cheese.
I’ll come over this weekend to get the shopping done and look at the housing paperwork she’s refused to open due to nerves. I’ll help her fill it out and send it for her- I’ll bring stamps!
I went to my drs appointment yesterday and I’ll be referred to a gynecologist to get the meds that trigger my period since without them I’m so very irregular. It’s also a good idea to be referred to one because I’m due for a Pap smear in 2026. I’ll just get it over with!
It sounds like both your mom and you are doing some good work and getting some difficult medical stuff done. I hope that the housing paperwork ends up being good.
I went to my primary care today who suggested that my gynecologist was wrong in requiring me to wait over five months for the uterine biopsy. She said that a pelvic MRI would be quicker and yield good results. So now I will have that done as well. Even having results from that a week or two earlier than the biopsy will help my anxiety, I hope. I am very frustrated with the gynecologist. After the post op appointment I will tell them that I won't be back and explain in detail why. @integrityblues
I’m so sorry that the uterine biopsy took such a long time to finally become a uterine MRI, but at least the MRI will be less invasive.
I had a bit of bad news today- my DOR counselor emailed and called, and when she asked if I had any questions I asked about the travel funds that haven’t come. After first saying of course I’ve received them, confirming my address, she then saw that I don’t qualify for travel funds since in October I’d emailed saying I’d also be looking for remote work…
To say that I was crushed puts it too simply. I couldn’t hold back tears over such a small thing going wrong. It I had to explain to her that I’ve been looking for work all over and the distance I’ve had to go in my county is exhausting, and that remote work was also suggested to me by my current job developer during our recent appointments this month but it doesn’t matter.
My counselor at least told me that to get my travel funds I’m going to have to either go in person to see my developer or tell her when I get I person interviews. I said okay, electronically signed the forms she needed from me, and then had a stress cry.
I was finishing some laundry in my TwinSpin and had to wait for it to dry before I could leave the house and get food and walk off how angry and upset the call made me. I had no time to buy yarn, so I’m doing that tomorrow morning after I take the bigger loads of laundry to the laundromat.
I’m trying to pick a color of yarn. I’m going to practice with the acrylics till I can make things reliably. I think I’ll watch YouTube videos to learn how to do the stitches, but I mostly need to practice.
I am so sorry that you lost out on needed funds. It will take a while to figure out a way through that disappointment.
Keep looking for jobs. It sounds like they will come through with the travel funds if you need them for interviews. I still believe that you are going to find something. But you have had lots of other stuff on your plate.
Work on relaxing by enjoying the yarn. You deserve it. @integrityblues
It’s okay. It was stressful and disappointing but she told me exactly how I can get it back- since I’m going to eventually have to do some in person interviews and really should see my developer in person for assistance getting job search help and interview practice.
The day before last I got myself affordable skein of yarn. It’s a shade of blue called Arctic. I’d like to try and make myself a simple scarf, and if I get more of that shade gloves in the future.
Yesterday was a long day from 8-3 with my mom. I had to look through piles of unopened mail and papers for her housing paperwork. It took a good hour or so to check it all and sort it into important and trash…then she found it in a drawer!
I looked it over for her and it’s due on Christmas, she got it at the end of November. The forms require a lot of documentation so I’ve told her we’ve got to get on top of things and try to get that documentation this week so we can mail it out well before Christmas.
She’s going to Social Security to get her benefits verification, I’ve gotten her debit card account to email this months and last months transactions…she’s gotten her statements in the mail and I was so tired after opening some of them and putting them in the trash box for future shredding that when I realized she’d need some I told her to just let it be till I came over to dig them out. She has to send her id and social security card but I’m looking up to see if she can just send copies.
I’m resting for today so I’ll be ready if I need to go over.
That sounds like lots of paperwork. I hope that you are able to get it all settled. I can tell you are working hard. Make sure that you take time for you too. That will be critical in keeping up your strength. It is so hard to deal with parents getting older. As you know, the stress of dealing with mine is also overwhelming. But we keep moving forward.@integrityblues
Lots and lots.
Nothing is really settled yet. I went to her today to try and create and register her HACLA account so we could do to forms online but learned no new accounts could be created. Then I tried to create a different account that helps view benefit information but to link something like her EBT (which I also need verification for) we need a specific code that would be on letters she receives but hasn’t gotten any lately.
My plan after that was to get her the information for both offices she’d have to travel to to get paper verifications for Social Security and EBT. I got addresses and phone numbers, then had to speak to someone calling my mom to set up an annual physical.
My mom is scared of this stuff so I agreed with the caller that I’d be present to make her comfortable and use my smartphone to facilitate the telehealth call if it couldn’t be done in person. It’ll be for the end of the month.
Earlier during my visit I’d had to try and light my mom’s furnace but just laying on my stomach and trying to hold a lit match with one hand and fix the pilot with the other. It hurt my shoulder enough that I’d had to give up, put my ice pack brace on and made a maintenance request on her behalf. It was taken care of fairly quickly meaning my mom would have tomorrow free for visiting one of the offices and also not freeze in her apartment.
Once all that was taken care of I hard boiled some eggs for her, peeled them, and left them in a bowl for her in the fridge once they were cool. I’d brought her a 5 lb bag of potatoes, a box of Instant Cream of Wheat packets, and a box of matches for the heater too.
Once the eggs were done I’d baked her a potato in the microwave, making sure she knew that she could eat everything but the skin without her teeth. I gave her plenty of hugs and assured her that if we just focus we can get everything done.
I’m so tired.
I hope that you have been able to rest since then. Sending peace. @integrityblues
Thanks.
I took a day to rest and spent today getting the documents with my mom. With the traveling it took us around three hours to get both sets of documents and then I had to look over her forms to make sure she’d filled everything in. I’d dug through the shred box and found the last transaction statement mailed to my mom and included it with the other documents.
Her case worker is coming by tomorrow to sign part of the forms, and I told my mom I’d come by on Friday to finish up and get the packet in the mail.
My younger sister has been ignoring our mom’s calls asking her to pick up the money orders she’d got for the rent- my sister finally answered my text and said a friend paid her rent for her. That and she wanted pictures of our father.
I sent the pictures. I then told my mom that she could just have the money orders cashed, so when I’m there on Friday I’ll see if I can.
It was a very long day and I’m so tired, but I’m going to try and have fun tomorrow at a holiday party where I get therapy.
A holiday party sounds lovely. We can both use some actual holiday time at this point. I hope to finally finish grading tomorrow and go help out with the annual Christmas bird count with two of my sons and my husband. Getting outside and walking will be good though I won't be able to see the birds well. @integrityblues
The party was okay, I was just so worn out.
The day afterwards I woke with a uti. Thought it was going to be as mild as mine usually are so I still went to my mom like planned- bad idea. The frequency, pain and burning was accompanied by more blood than expected. I cut my visit short and after they’d tried hours spent trying to not notice the urgency and pain I promptly wet myself as soon as I got my door locked and dropped my stuff on the floor. I’d been wearing a pad because of what had been only a little blood that morning, so the mess could have been much worse…
I cleaned up and dumped the soiled clothes in the tub, then arranged a trip to my urgent care that evening. It was painful but I took the trip by bus and drank another bottle of water like the nurse on the hotline suggested.
I eventually got antibiotics after a pee test and got home by 9:30. I thankfully didn’t wet the bed and got decent sleep.
My older sister has been talking about switching our Christmas to Sunday or Monday because of the rain, and since she told me this yesterday I’ve had to juggle the next few days. I’m seeing my aunt on Sunday and doing my IHSS orientation on Monday.
I hope that your grading goes smoothly and you get to count plenty of Christmas birds!
I hope that the UTI is now better. Those are never fun. You always hope that you can outrun them and then you can't.
I also hope that you have a solid Christmas schedule now. I too am trying to figure out logistics. It is hard to get everyone's schedule's to work.
I did manage to finish grading and do the Christmas bird count. It was just basically saying "bird" and then letting my son identify the species. But he counted about 330 of them so it was good.@integrityblues
I’m very glad you were able to finish the grading! The bird count sounds like it was lots of fun. 330 birds is impressive!
The UTI is less painful now after I started taking the antibiotics. It’s good news because after it all happened I’d wondered how I was going to manage tomorrow’s IHSS orientation without embarrassing myself.
My aunt and cousin visited me today to drop off gifts and take me to lunch. I’ve got a brand new dish rack, a Champagne Toast Candle, 3 pairs of new pants that would work great for business casual or just looking a little more dressed up than usual.
Once I was back home again I started doing some dishes, refilled my Brita filter, then redeemed a winning scratcher ticket I’d gotten as part of a present from my best friend yesterday.
She and her fiancé had dropped by when I was in the middle of doing an all day single load of laundry so I could have clean pajamas and a change of clothes- they were really nice about me answering the door exhausted, sweaty, and in an obviously dirty outfit.
They brought me groceries from Costco (all shelf stable so it could sit around if I was still feeling too bad to move stuff) as well as a new set of pajamas, a cute Harry Potter crochet kit, a soup freezer tray, and homemade Christmas treats in a decorative bag!
All I had for them was a frozen loaf of pistachio ricotta coffee cake. I gave each of them plenty of hugs too.
My other aunt had been asking me what I wanted and what my mom wanted, so I gave her Amazon links to socks for my mom and for me a yarn bag…and when she kept insisting on more I added t-shirts, a bra, and underwear. She’s also giving me the money to pay for my live scan after the orientation is done.
I just finished the forms and I’m going to print out one more so I’m ready to go for tomorrow’s orientation.
It sounds like you are having a great holiday so far. What a nice bunch of gifts. I am sure that you will greatly appreciate them.
Things have been moving along okay here. It will be nice to have the real holiday start tomorrow and hopefully have all of my boys home. I think that all of the preparations are in place. @integrityblues
It’s been good but draining. Yesterday I did my orientation. It was much longer than described and one person there who came with someone trying to become a provider kept interrupting everything by alternately talking and screaming.
I skipped joining the union because I’m just caring for my mom and I can’t handle paying the fees. The gave me forms for Live Scan so it wasn’t like what was described to me on the phone- it’s not there for me to sign up, I’ve got forms to fill out in duplicate and pay whatever it costs.
I scheduled my live scan today but the soonest appointment in my area was for the 5th. My aunt sent me the money this morning. And part of my order for Christmas from her arrived today. I have new shirts and a sweater for my mom.
It sounds like things are moving forward slowly which is good. With the holidays everything just goes crazy slow. It does sound like you will be able to figure out the paperwork eventually.
I hope that your holiday in general has been okay. All of my boys did make it home and we had a good holiday at home before driving to see my parents. My dad did okay at first but was really tired and agitated by the time we left. We will see how things are tomorrow. @integrityblues
@integrityblues
That dream sounds so heavy😞💔
I just read about your dream with the box of cats and it really stayed with me . That sounds like such a vivid and sad experience to go through and they even in their dream
Going back to a home That isn't yours anymore must have felt so lonely and strange. Find finding those hidden signs you used to live there like chip paint that part feels so real like missing a piece of your past.
My heart just sank when I read about finding those kittens in the water and the older cat that had passed that feeling of rediscovering something helpless and I'd like to be specially when it ties to a place you once loved this is a lot to carry you taking care of the older cat with so kind even in the dream.
But then the kittens were all grown up when you came back! 😸✨ That part gave me chills it's like even in the sadness there was a sudden surprising change they were OK they had grown.
Dreams can leave us really feeling shaken this one seems to have full of big feelings about lost care and maybe even hope thank you for sharing something so personal with us
I'm here sitting with you after hearing that sending you a soft hug 🫂 if you want it it's OK to sit with whatever this dream is brought up for you
You're not alone in those feelings we’re here. 💜
This was a bit ago but I had a dream about going to the beach with a friend and standing near the waves to watch these gigantic squid swimming by. Every time the waves would hit the beach we’d have to run from the squid that would suddenly be propelled into us.
I was able to visit my mom for the holidays and bring her gifts. Then I came by again to deliver gifts that relatives sent for my mom and younger sister.
I came by the day before to help my mom with a health assessment for her insurance just to see how she’s doing. My mom is both mildly depressed and anxious, and she’s got cognitive issues.
I was waiting for my younger sister to show up after that for her Christmas gifts but she took hours. I made my mom a blended soup with a can of condensed cream of potato and a can of mixed veggies. She’s impressed by my immersion blender!
My sister finally arrived and proceeded to kind of prove to me that she’s probably not taking her meds. She was extremely manic and tore through the stuff my mom had in her living room to choose things to take, then started fussing over a lamp with a blown bulb and took one from the bathroom to try and make it work. She took makeup, half empty shampoo bottles, and so on.
I had to finally corral her out of the house so she could take her gifts and the stuff she got my mom to agree to let her have and follow me to the nearby Starbucks so I could get her a birthday drink like I said I would.
I was making the mobile order as we walked through the alley and she was walking very fast and pausing several times to look in garbage cans. My legs are still sore.
I got her a large Matcha but they’d given us an iced one instead of a Frappuccino like she’d finally decided on. When she mentioned it was wrong I looked at her and said it would taste delicious either way, that I was tired and needed to get going since it was already so late. She finally took it and thanked me, then when I was half a block away she thought to yell to me to be careful crossing the street.
I made it back to my mom’s since I’d left my bag behind, and when I met her outside she was worked up over how I’d “forgotten it” when I knew I had told her that I’d be back in a little bit.
I was getting ready to go after I’d put away the last bowl of soup from the pot when she’d began anxiously looking for her pack of cigarettes. It took us a good ten minutes to discover they were in her shirt pocket.
I made it home well after 8 because in addition to leaving so late there was trouble on the train in my downtown area. I had to take another bus to get the last leg of the journey home.
I’m going to see my mom on Friday. I’m going to bring her some frozen soup that I’ve blended up for her so she doesn’t have to chew (and my best buddy’s Christmas gift of Soup Ice Cube trays will make this so easy)! I’ll get some freezer bags, a can of beef barely vegetable soup, and a nice piece of cake I’ll give to my mom. I’ll get myself a slice of German Chocolate cake because tomorrow is my dad’s birthday and that was his favorite according to my aunts.
You are handling a lot and doing it beautifully. Your mom and sister are being well cared for. It sounds like you were able to protect your mom from your sister a bit.
I totally get the frustration of dealing with your mom's cognitive issues. My mom also gets bent out of shape easily if things are out of place or possibly forgotten. Some days are very clearly better than others. But overall my parents remain fairly even at the moment.
I also love my immersion blender. I have had it for a while and I am going to need a new one eventually because I have worn it out a bit. We had some lovely stuffed sweet potatoes tonight that had no butter. I was impressed with how nice they tasted.
My medical stuff continues. My eyes are getting quite bad and it depends on the day whether I can drive or not. I have an appointment but it isn't until February. I am hoping that someone cancels soon. I will have the gynecology surgery on the 15th so I have to prep for that as well. @integrityblues
I’m so sorry about the eye difficulties as you’re waiting for February. Fingers crossed another person cancels!
My mom’s cognitive issues are extremely frustrating and it amps up when she’s handling multiple things or frustrations.
I’d gone to see her today to solve a problem for her with her rent payment getting canceled on the first. I took her to get a money order, then we went all the way to her management company office to deliver it in person and find out what was wrong since nobody was picking up the phones.
They’re putting in new software for the portal all tenants use for rent and maintenance requests. She’s going to get an email on Monday about it but at least the rent is paid.
I took her home and I put in a delivery order from the grocery store so she’d get a little food, freezer bags for the cubes of soup and Mac and cheese I’d made for her yesterday, and diapers. Unfortunately as I was going home I got a message from the store saying they were out of what diapers we ordered and already paid for.
When the order finally arrived at my mom’s the poor driver didn’t speak very good English and accidentally went to the gated parking lot instead of the front door- at the same time as that I was trying to get my mom to understand what was happening as the driver was getting more upset with me- till finally I accidentally spilled my dinner into my lap and on the floor and snapped at her to please listen to what I was saying!
I apologized for snapping at her. Told her to try and get her diapers at the nearby pharmacy and that I’d figure out whether she was getting a in store credit at Vons for the diapers from the order or if it would be a refund to her debit card.
I am so sorry that all of those tensions built up on you. You are right about what happens to all of us when there are simply too many stressors in a row. Both your mother and you snapped. The key is forgiving yourself when that happens. But it can be really hard.
I hope that the last few days have been a little better.
I had been sleeping okay but now my sleep is off again for the last 3 nights. I am hoping that I can get some good rest tonight because tomorrow will be bunch of those stressors for me in running from a dentist appointment to the hospital for all the pre-op stuff for the gynecology surgery next week. I am praying that I will be able to see well enough to drive myself. I have no idea what condition I will wake up in. My husband can drive if necessary but then I really risk being late because he moves much more slowly than I do. Hopefully the afternoon will be calmer.
We all just keep trying to find a speed that is less stressful. @integrityblues
I really hope that your sleep is okay for your appointment tomorrow. It’s good that your husband is ready as a backup if your eyesight is giving you trouble too. Good luck!
The last few days haven’t been pretty. I ended up having to go back yesterday when my mom woke up with difficulty getting out of bed and had bad leg cramps all night. I ended up hitting two different stores to pick up a total of 3 large packages of Depends. It’s at least three weeks worth unless she has more accidents…I also got her a bottle of zero sugar Gatorade in case the leg pains were from low electrolytes instead of just over exertion.
The rain made everything harder. My mom insisted on walking with me to the nearest ATM so she could pay me back, but we were wading through puddles and getting soaked and the place wasn’t even open. I ended up walking her back home and asking for her card so I could walk to the 7-11 that was a couple of blocks away. She finally agreed after I told her that though she was feeling better after two hours of rest waiting for my to get there and me letting her use my massage gun on her calves, it was better to just let me handle this part.
It was a quick walk and I got back home in excellent time. While I was getting ready to go I paused to share some of the soup I’d frozen into cubes for her, then warmed up a serving of macaroni just for her since it was so cold and she was still wearing her wet clothes!
I went so far as to lay her pajamas and nice warm socks on her bed so she was more than ready to take a hot shower.
It does sound like a challenging, wet day. I hope that you got warmed up and relaxed afterwards like you did for your mom. Don't forget to take time for you too.
My appointments yesterday went okay which was a relief. Today has been a little harder mentally but that happens.
Tomorrow is also quite busy so I am hoping that it will go okay and I get things lined up for the rest of January better. All of the unknowns continue to way on me, but I keep trying. @integrityblues
I’m glad your appointments went well.
My mom had a moment today- she was upset about the repair people coming in, that her heater still wasn’t fixed, and then got very angry after I suggested coming by on Friday instead of Saturday since she was so upset.
I let her be after that so I could get more stuff done that I hadn’t had time for after yesterday’s Live Scan. I picked up a Target order, came home, and rested up.
I saw a very cute dog on the bus, so that was nice.
All of that stuff can be pretty upsetting, especially when you want a bit of independence but can't really handle it. I hope your mom is better today.
We will see my parents tomorrow (Friday). Hopefully it will go okay. I am bringing dad a few tomatoes from the garden at school so he can have something a little fresher. @integrityblues
I’m glad that you’re going to see your parents! I hope your dad loves the tomatoes, even if it’s just to smell them. Fresh tomatoes are delicious too!
Thanks, my mom is doing a bit better today. Her apartment manager finally came in to address her heater. There was a hole just beneath it that was letting the draft in and blowing the pilot out, so he finally sealed the hole with cement and relit the pilot light so the heater would work. My mom might not have to sleep in one of her new jackets just to stay warm tonight, and I’m very grateful.
My older sister sent my mom plenty of food and my mom says it’ll last her a week- I’m trying to get her on a better meal plan so she doesn’t gobble down all the frozen dinners.
I’m making her some meatloaf that I’ll bring on Saturday. I went to the store after I finally washed my bedding and linens and picked up enough ingredients for hearty meatloaf and chili!
My gamers group went very well. We made pigs in blankets for lunch. I’m going tomorrow to watch a movie there.
The visit went well. Dad enjoyed eating small bits of tomato, but only when I gave it to him rather than my mom. She was slightly miffed about that. They are pretty tired of one another at this point.
I am so glad that your mom's heater got fixed. Being cold may have caused her to react much more strongly to some of her other issues. It is great that she has some food now too.
I am also going to try to make a meatloaf in the next few days, but it is a meatless one that has kidney beans, mashed potatoes and BBQ sauce. We will see how it turns out.
Your group sounds great. I hope that the movie is a nice one. @integrityblues
I dreamt that I’d moved somewhere else and murdered someone. I put far too much effort into getting myself off the main suspect list, but every time I cleaned up one mistake (getting out of there and hiding the body) I’d fall into another (that there was a record of me entering the same room as my victim). I’d tried to remain calm but soon all my friends and family discovered what I’d done and the police came.
I was so frightened of going to jail, so thankfully I woke up right after I was apprehended.
Well I hope that the bad dream wasn't due to the movie. Of course, we have all been seeing lots of rough videos of arrests lately. I know that I have anxiety from that.
I hope that your day was more peaceful. @integrityblues
The movie I saw was the remake of Naked Gun. It was very funny!
I’ve still not come up with a meaning for the dream aside from feeling trapped.
I am glad that it was a funny movie. I hope that your week is going well.
My gynecological surgery will be tomorrow. I am hoping that it will okay and I can move forward on at least one front.@integrityblues
My week is going okay. It’s just stressful.
Good luck for your surgery, bestVase!
It went okay. Some pain yesterday but none today. I am a bit more tired. I am hoping that the results will come faster than two weeks.
Sorry that the week has been a bit stressful. May your weekend be more peaceful. @integrityblues
I’m glad that the procedure went well and you aren’t still in pain. Fingers crossed about the results arriving faster than two weeks!
I’ve been more tired than anything since I’ve been going back and forth to my groups or therapy.
I’m going to my mom tomorrow to help do shopping and make her pancakes!
I am glad that you have been finding good amounts of time for groups and therapy. It is important to keep taking care of you. I also hope that your mom enjoyed the pancakes.
Things are okay with me. I am prepping for next semester though not being able to see is a challenge. @integrityblues
My mom loved the pancakes! I’ve taken most of today off to rest, but my mom did call to try and get out of her drs appointment- she’s frightened of the ct scan she’ll have to do and of facing the pulmonologist. Then once I told her that the ct scan would be okay she was saying how far we’d have to go to enter the hospital. Finally she said that my younger sister also told her that something was wrong with her dog.
I assured my mom that everything was going to be fine. That it wasn’t unusual for fear and anxiety over one thing could make something she’s already frightened about worse…
I’m glad that things are okay with you. I wonder if you can get a teachers aid as an accommodation considering your eye problems? It’s definitely something to consider!
Doctor's stuff can feel pretty frightening but it is great that your mom had you to talk over things with. That can make it much easier. My mom also hates doctor stuff. She has a rash that could easily be dealt with using a medication that worked earlier. But she refuses to go back to the doctor. Oh well.
I have had a pretty good week on the doctor's front (and that is really saying something after a rotten six months). The gynecologist took pity on me waiting 5 months to be tested for cancer and managed to get my results in 4 days rather than 2 weeks. No cancer so I can finally stop worrying. And the eye doctor had a cancellation and is able to see me on Thursday. Hopefully that will mean better vision sooner. Yay!
I’m so happy for you, bestVase! I’m glad the test results came back quickly and didn’t show signs of cancer. And double yay for that eye appointment being moved to Thursday!
Yes, my mom called me again to say that she really didn’t want to go to her appointment then admitted that she didn’t want the scan because it might show that she’s gotten worse and she doesn’t want to hear what the pulmonologist will say. I told her that she’s got to go, that I’ll be there with her.
I made the dough for some cinnamon rolls. The bakers group will bake them tomorrow and I’ll make the icing then. For group we’re going to be making cornbread from scratch instead of a boxed mix.
I dreamt about having to take care of myself, my younger sister, my mom, and a kitten I’d found beneath my bed.
My mom was still old and needed me, and my younger sister was dealing with some mobility issues and needed to learn how to use a cane, and when I got home exhausted I’d heard meowing beneath my futon and peaked beneath it to find a kitten!
It made me remember that there was once another cat, and how could I have forgotten it? I’d looked in a big red shoe box also beneath the bed and discovered the other cat’s bones.
I was so sad and didn’t want the other kitten to pass as well, so I began trying to balance all of them together along with taking care of myself- my mom, my sister, the kitten who was now getting bigger and sleeping in my bed.
I’d woken up as I was trying to figure out how I’d get a litter box for the as yet unnamed kitten.
I’m all sore and still very tired but I’m up so I can take my meds and shot, so I can do my stretches and the pt exercises I’ve started again.
Before I go to the bakers group I’d like to search for a job and apply. New regulations say I’ve got to keep track of it on a Google doc to prove that I’m actually taking part.
Then I’ll go off and bake cinnamon rolls and from scratch cornbread.
Your dream sounds very much connected to real life! You do so much to care for others. I hope that the cinnamon rolls and corn bread went well.
I had the eye appointment and it was rougher. I have to wait until early March for the double surgery and my vision is quite poor - 20/100 in one eye and 20/50 in the other. But at least now I know and it sounds like the surgery won't be quite as intense. @integrityblues
I’m so sorry you have to wait till March for the surgery! Yeah, it makes me feel better too to know stuff about my medical issues or how things will work. Knowledge is power!
Yeah, I’ve been under some stress so I think it pops up in my dreams too but with less symbolism.
The cinnamon rolls and cornbread were delicious.
I took my mom to her drs appointment yesterday. She didn’t freak out during her CT scan but was very out of breath because she had to hold her it during parts of it.
The pulmonologist told her that some of the nodules in her lungs are gone, that it was good, but that since her insurance never allowed mom to start taking the shots prescribed they’d talk to someone to see if they’d get them for her. That someone is probably from the company that makes it- the Dr was saying how he talks to them about his list of patients who require it.
I got my mom a fancy coffee drink at the nearby Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I think it was a Vanilla Ice Blended with plenty of whipped cream on top.
I took her home, left to get to mine, and when my mom answered my “hey I made it home” call she started fretting about how she might lose her disability since her scan was so good! I had to get her to calm down and explained that even though I have good scans too it doesn’t change that I have MS. That she still has COPD and even that I’d read the scan report myself and saw has very tiny nodules that they’ll be keeping an eye on, that the larger ones she presented with before were gone now (that they keep an eye on all the nodules in case any get too big and need biopsy) but that she still has moderate to severe arterial calcification. It’s another thing her drs worry about and I’d gently told her that we could talk to her primary about going back on her blood pressure and cholesterol medicine. I hit a brick wall and told her to just think about it over the weekend. That I’m not forcing her to do it and I won’t go behind her back and talk to the dr.
It sounds like your mother's appointment actually went about as well as it could have. Afterwards because she had been so fearful, she felt like she had to come up with something that could continue to worry her so her brain could tell her that all doctors deliver is bad news. It can be hard to accept the good.
You are doing a great job in keeping her calm. @integrityblues
I dreamt that me and my family were living somewhere sunny and pretty but we had a guy for a roommate who wouldn’t stop threatening us- I think I ended up shoving him off of our balcony?
I went to the police to report it and everyone thought I did it because of rape and I kept getting upset at them because they weren’t listening- that me and my mom were in danger.
Focus on the sunny part of that dream. @integrityblues