My Struggle with Depression
Its hard to know where to start. Does anyone else feel the same way? Its sometimes really hard to word it, and I never feel that I explain it very well. Ive not really ever tried to talk to anyone in this detail. Im still living with my parents, so Ive tried to talk about it a little with them, but they seem content in telling me to get out more, whether it be to hang out with friends more, or get more hours at work. Neither ever helps, but it especially doesnt help being told any of this. Sometimes I just want someone to listen, rather than point to straight-forward solutions like its nothing.
I get my good days and my bad days. Its during my good days that I think Im myself, but on my bad days, I feel lonely, hopeless, useless, anxious and not cared for. I frequently have thoughts of death, and what scares me is how casually they come and go—like its a part of my everyday life now. I want my life to go somewhere, and Im making preparations for that to happen, but suicide feels almost like some kind of backup plan at this point, because I havent really got much of an opportunity to get to somewhere where I feel I can be proud of myself. I feel as though I can only go walk in circles or bash my head against a brick wall for so long. I know this is vague, and I apologize for the lack of clarity, but theres a word cap.
Im 23 now, and I feel that time has run out to do things. That may sound ridiculous, given that Im still young, but there you go.
@Marknetick
Hi. WElcome to 7 Cups and thanks for sharing what is going on for you right now.
Sometimes I just want someone to listen, rather than point to straight-forward solutions like it
@calmPaul281 Thanks for the reply, Paul. Yeah, I do totally understand the position that my parents are in, and so I know that its probably quite an experience for them too, but sometimes its nice to talk and have someone listen, and gosh do I know it.
But its true that I do worry about what couldve happened a lot (in the case of where my life is/could be heading). I mean, obviously my life matters to me, so when I feel unfulfilled in the choices I make, Im going to think a lot about it, and is going to slow me down a scare me a little. Ive always been a late-bloomer. My main point to this is that when going through school, I didnt really have any goals or interests that kept me looking towards the future. I had learning difficulties that affected me right up until I left school, so it was hard to pay attention and remain interested in anything. Of course, because of this, it meant that I left school with hardly anything, and its only really been in the past few years that Ive had an onslaught of ideas, but only about a year and a half that Ive narrowed it all down to one thing that I want to chase. I keep thinking how if I decided this and took action years before, I might be okay, but now I wonder if Im ever going to get there.