My depression story(kind of)

Depression. There are so many stigmas around it. These stigmas were the main reason I couldn't go to my own parents to tell them I was suffering. People through it around so carelessly, like they do with the word love. They overuse it so damn much that, it has lost its meaning, it's importance. People who actually have depression are the only ones who can truly understand what it feels like to have it.

We all go through it differently but we all know, it exhausts us. It takes the life out of us. At this moment, I am a person who's just feeling sad. I have dreams. Purpose. Something to look forward to. But in the next moment? I am hollow. Empty. All of a sudden, I am not sure why I am here on this earth. I am questioning myself. The dreams are long gone. I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing that makes me want to get up and continue my life.

That's how depression was for me. It took my life away. It took me away. It took so damn much out of me to even get up from my bed. Going to school felt so damn difficult. Each day I used to wake up and wish that I could just go back to sleep. That I could sleep on my bed forever. I didn't wanna wake up.

People always say when you are suffering talk. Do something. But they don't understand, the problem is that I don't want to do something about it. I want to be that way. I want to be buried inside the pool of nothingness.

If you feel even relate to a fraction of what I wrote then you need to understand that depression is hard. What I said, it's the depression talking. It makes you feel like there is no way out of the nothingness. That there never will be. Yes, a part of you wants to remain stuck in that cycle but there's a little part inside of you, that you have buried. It shouts out to you that you are not this person. That you have dreams. That you belong. That you have a purpose. Let that part out. It's your breakthrough.

In my case, that part made me have a person who helped me. I talked. I let that part came out and I talked. I talked about my suffering. My pain. My dark thoughts. I talked about everything. And you know who opened up to? I opened up to a person who I hated at that time and that was the best thing I ever did. I won't say it might work for you but it will help. You just have to try.

That person brought light to me. He was my bridge. He didn't tell me everything will be fine or that I will be okay. No. He listened and he made sure that I knew I mattered to him. He showed me that I can get my dreams back. I could get myself back. I just had to want it. He guided me. And for that I will always be grateful to him.

As a person who is still somewhat struggling with depression, I would say talk. It doesn't hurt to try.