My name is Scorpius and I"m a jealous person
I know jealousy is self-defeating but I just can't not be. It just happens. I don't actively think of it or seek it out. I'm just jealous. It just does its thing.
I'm jealous of people who make more money than me
I'm jealous of people who have more disposable income than me
I'm jealous of my FTM friends and Boyfriend who will all have their chest surgeries before me because their insurances are actually covering it and for decent prices (if I EVER get mine because the cost is astronomical and my insurance refuses to cover it)
I'm jealous of people who actually feel happiness
I'm jealous of people who don't have to live off of medication to be functional human beings.
There's just really nothing redeeming about me.
(edited title by Fluffyunicorns84 due to language used - if you do wish discuss the edit then please PM me)
I do not know much of your situation Scorpius, but you referenced surgeries and medication so I am presuming you're dealing with medical issues -- if I am wrong with this presumption, everything I am about to write is wrong. Everything you pointed out somehow relates to that presumption; I wouldn't label you as an (bleeped) for it. Whatever you're dealing with is particularly impacting your life and, although I can't fix your mindset or what you're going through, I just want to tell you that what you're feeling isn't necessarily wrong. You're angry. You're jealous. You're upset.
That's okay. What you're going through isn't okay, but how you respond to it is. The one thing from this I can assert is I am glad you're venting about it -- especially here -- with us. That's a good thing.
@Ej
Thank you.
It doesn't feel like it's okay to be angry or jealous but here we are anyway. So it's I guess nice to hear someone tell me it's normal or okay to be peeved off for once.
@astuteScorpius
Feelings are called feelings because you're suppose to feel them. If you get annoyed with what you're feeling, or do not understand why you're feeling what you're feeling, or wonder if what you're feeling is okay to feel, then you reach out and...
Vent! Talk about it! Let it out! Don't bottle that up. Being bottled up is a horrible feeling! Remember the genie from Aladdin? That dude was bottled up for mad long. Totally unfair. So, when you need that dumb lamp rubbed, we GOT you Scorp!
Takes a brave soul, even anonymously, to talk about their obstacles. We have a certain fear when admitting our shortcomings, but we're human after all.
@astuteScorpius
It seems you are going through a bad phase right now and while everyone around you has been moving forward you are unable to do so. Jealousy, is not exactly a negative feeling. It shows you are comparing your situation with others. It means you are concentrating more on what others have and what you don't have.
Its not something weird because you are going through a lot at once and its understandable that it is wearing you out emotionally.
But if you fight in this manner you are getting burned from two sides. You need to focus more on positive aspects of your life or the aspects which are not that negative. We all lack something, things are never 'perfect' for anyone among us.
Transform your jealousy in to some thing positive ie an inspiration to do well. A motivation to be and have all those things that you others have achieved easily.
Its not going to be easy to begin this process but unless you start from here you won't be able to move ahead.
You don't need to have all those things that others have. You need to have your balance, the balance that keeps you going. trust me having your unique happiness is much better than having something that everyone else has achieved.
Heh, wow, you sound like me, but you were able to find the source and be blunt about it.
So, I use to think I hated babies and kids... turns out that I was just jealous because someone has kids and I don't. Someone got married at 18, but I didn't. Or my friends seem to have their whole damn life perfect, in order and I just am so hateful and jealous that everything is so rainbows and sunshine in their life.
They are able to worry about things like what they wanna eat tonight and what should they wear, who likes who, they get to care about the things that I don't have the luxury to think about because I'm worrying about having enough money to buy freaking top ramen because that's all I can afford.
Maybe this isn't the best thing to say, but I'm glad I found someone who gets jealous too. So, you aren't alone. A jealous asshole would be more someone who does it on purpose and doesn't try to get help or stop, someone who just doesn't care, I think. You seem pretty normal to me, as far as jealousy goes.
I think this is like phobias in a way?
Since phobias are irrational fears and even though one knows that it doesn't make sense and no one should really be that afraid of it, it still scares you so much.. it just does.
What matters though is how you act, as not to let the jealousy or anything similar affect your behavior towards others, to the best of your ability. For me, reminding myself that a certain feeling is irrational can make me feel less self-hatred or guilt towards it and helps me view it as just a mere feeling.. because after all we humans can be .. really .. really weird and that's okay. Mind over mood.. (I hope this is relevant 
)