Never formally diagnosed but struggling

Hey all. So I’ve never been formally diagnosed with depression but I’ve been struggling for a while now. I am a 34 yo father of two and married. I consistently have this feeling of not being good enough and feeling that my children would be better without me and my wife wants nothing to do with me. Literally the only thing I feel like I’m good for is cooking dinner. I’ve tried to explain that I feel like I am struggling to my wife emotionally and she gets defensive like I am attacking her saying it is her fault, which I am not. I’m just trying to say I recognize something is wrong and need support because it feels like I’m alone in the world. I have almost no friends, and those that I do don’t live near me, my wife and I have almost a non existent sec life, and my son (who granted is 3 so I may be over reading this) literally tells people I hit him and yells at me if I’m near him or tell him I love him. And for the record I’ve never hit him or did anything to hurt him, and he only acts that way around me. Honestly there are days my daughter is the only one who even seems to want to be near me. I just don’t know what to do or who to reach out to any more.