Never satisfied
I'm in my mid 30ies and I've been to therapy a couple of times in my life. I tried different things, changing small things in my life, hypnosis, mindfulness, meditation. I can deal with my depression insofar as that I'm fully functioning now. I go to work, I take care of my family, I can go to the cinema, I can laugh and have fun. But if I am truly honest with myself, I do not feel happy with my life. I do not like life. I cannot really point my finger at this one thing that is wrong with it, and if I change it, everything would be great and I would be satisfied. It seems more that I can never be satisfied. I don't see a purpose. I used to be happy with my life as a child, but since my teenage time I never felt this happiness, this pure content with life anymore. I mostly feel responsibilities and worries. I worry about everything. I don't like this world and I don't like "the people". I have the feeling everything is getting worse and darker and more fearful and depressing.
But as I said, I am functioning. Most of the time I ignore this feeling of dissatisfaction and just go on with my life. I live it kind of superficially. Because when I think to deep about it, the depression sets back in and I don't know what to do. I am scared of death, but I also don't feel satisfied with living.
Is there anyone out there who feels remotely the same?
@nachtmahr01
Hi there! I'm so sorry to hear how you've been feeling like you just can't shake your depressive feelings. That can feel incredibly taxing and overwhelming even if you're able to maintain daily life activities. In the past I've tried pushing my depression away and ignore it, but that just left me feeling even worse when the depression would poke through. Take a minute to experience where in your body you feel your depression. Is it in your stomach, in your chest? What does it feel like? What messages does your depression send you and how do you react to them? One of the worst symptoms with depression is how isolating it can make us feel. I'm glad that you reached out here on 7 Cups and that you are trying to battle how your depression makes you feel. I am always here for you if you want to chat or vent, and just know that you are not alone.
@Carly23
Thank you for your reply. I feel isolated in a way, that everone in my enviroment is telling me how lucky I am and how satisfied I should be with my life. I have a stable job, my husband as well, I have a dog which was my dream since childhood, we live in a nice apartment in a big city and even have enough many to go on short holidays every now and then. I don't have any major illnesses and my family supports me (other than emotionally).
But still, I do not feel deeply happy with my life. The last time I felt this deep, satisfying happiness - which is not a big emotion, it's not something that blows you off your feet, it's subtle and gentle - was when I was a child. But then as a teenager it somehow stopped, and instead worries filled my mind. I will a lot of nostalgia for those times and wish to be able to go back. Everyone tells me it is normal and I just have to deal with it as this is part of being an adult. But I don't think it is normal. I think you need to feel a certain basic contentment with your life, something that makes you think your life is fulfilled and worth it. Something that makes you think "If I die tomorrow, at least I had a happy and fullfilling life". But I do not know what this is for me.
I do not have any children, since I don't want any. I am not a believer, although I wish I could be, but it's simply something that doesn't fit for me.
The only way that I can get back a short glimpse of this happiness is actually through listening to music from my childhood. Then my mind sometimes gives me this same emotion that I have back then, this feeling that everything is ok and will be ok, that everything will be good.
I hope that makes sense somehow?
@nachtmahr01
I feel very similar, most of the time only feeling emotions after I rationally go over what would be an appropriate emotion for the situation, often dictated by those around me or society as a whole.
As you said, I feel I was a pretty happy and cheerful child, even though looking back, I don't think there was a long term "good state" for my family growing up.
I think cause I've always been able to read the atmosphere quite well, I could just blend in and remain on the background as much as possible. But this also meant that I never firmed my own beliefs and ideals. And am now not really able to really enjoy anything or be satisfied.
It kinda feels like an essential part of being human is missing in me and I don't really know where to start looking to maybe find it
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
Yes, that's how I feel too. I even try to start many different hobbies in the hope of finding something that fulfills my life somehow. But most of the time I lose interest after a while...
@nachtmahr01
And understandably, a lot of people don't get it and tell me, "Just find something you love to do". Yeah thanks, would be nice to know how.
How quickly do you lose interest in something? I can only do most activities for 20/30 minutes at a time, before I need to find something else
@Madaraismyspiritanimal
I can do activities for a long amount of times in a row, but usually I lose interest in the activity itself after 2-3 weeks.
I just don't know how to find something that fulfills my life, that makes me wake up in the morning and say "I can't wait to do this again". Something that gives me this feeling that everything is okay, in the end everything will be good.
@nachtmahr01
I've been struggling to figure out what I've been feeling lately, and this helped so much. While I do have my periods of sadness, it's not quite that. For me, it's on and off. But when it's 'on', it's basically having no interest in anything I used to enjoy doing. Lack of motivation to do anything, and just dissatisfaction- like there's not much to look forward to. It also kind of feels like I'm lost, and it's been a while, so I feel like I don't really know who I am anymore. I know that sounds super lame and cheesy but I don't really know how to explain it. So yes, I guess to answer your question, I think I kind of understand what you're feeling. Then again, I'm also quite a bit younger than you, but regardless, I'd love to know why I'm feeling this and what it is.
@na264
I just don't know how to change this feeling anymore. I'm sick of people telling me to just think positive or try to find God or something like this. I'm sick of people telling me that I can do anything I want, anything is possible - no it is not, that is not how this world works.
@nachtmahr01
I haven
@nachtmahr01
Id like to sum up what you've so eliquently said in a rhyme, if you don't mind, because time after time, words like yours remind, and I find, we couldn't read the signs in life so we take a beating and we feel mistreated. Im defeated, and ive bleeded, been mistreated, and ive pleaded and pleaded for the help ive needed, online believing what I'm reading, looking for life's meaning.
I cant find assistance, there's so much resistance, ive showed my persistance from a distance, but nobody listens, they judge and are dissin, im stuck in the prison. Looking for help like im fishing, I hope I pray and I'm wishing.
What am I missing? I'm Percieving what we believe in, it's decieving and has no meaning as life's mistreating dishes out this beating leaving us bleeding but we cant see it if we close our minds and we cant think about this when we're blind, so walk away and you will find, a freind here waiting for a sign!
So take your time and organise whats on your mind and you'll find you're not really behind, so relax your eyes and realize you're fine, just the way you are. And you can reach for the stars, put cream on the scars, and healing transpires. The delusional parts only confuse our goals and corrupt our souls leaving us with a heart full of holes. Set goals now and your mind will see what closed eyes has failed to believe, don't let sight deceive keeping us on our knees; throwing logic into the breeze. Winds at your back excited, Winds of hope reignited me. Step by step confide so we can share secrets of life thinking "what could be" If we let it, if you hold back you'll regret it.
There, Now I've gone and said it!
We hold ourselves down; Dirty on the ground I've found myself tourmented and bound by invisibility. I've ignorged all possibility, so I must set myself free of a self-inflicted confined mystery that causes so much mysery.
😉
Life first teaches up to stand up and fight for whats right
So we conjure up our bravery as we walk through this life
We contimplate each step, we think about them all night
We look to be fair above all keeping honor within our site
But as it turns out life isnt fair
It give us more than we can bear
Rules fade fast and become unclear