Not an easy life.
I have not had an easy life as I have been bullied, harassed, judged, ignored, threatened and called many things throughout my life and it has lead to depression. When i was with my ex it felt like my depression was disappearing and I didn't feel sad anymore. As soon as we broke up my depression instantly came back severely and with severe stress and anxiety as well.
I am not a normal person and I have not had a happy eventful life as most have. I don't have any self-esteem or confidence in myself anymore and for a long time I have been doubting if i really am good at anything because with everything I try to do in life it always feels like its just too much for me. I have trouble learning and never really have the support that I should have in life as most of my friends have left me.
I am starting to think I am slowly drifting away from being social as more and more I feel myself loosing interesting in normal things that I use to enjoy. There isn't much that brings joy to myself anymore and sometimes it's beginning to feel like the simple everyday tasks are just getting harder and harder as I just don't have the same motivation or energy to do anything.
I always give my all to help others that are struggling but i refuse to talk to anymore about what I am really going through because every time I have tried people have just given up and said I am too complicated. I just don't know what else I can do anymore and it just feels like I haven't even got the motivation or strength to change anything as now it all just feels pointless as the one time I fully open up and let go to be happy it lasts for a while then it is all torn away from me fast.
I have been asked what do I think my purpose is in life and what my life goals are. Honestly there is no answer to those anymore as when I try to look to the future or think about the future and what I want for myself all I see is nothingness.
You see nothingness in your future because of your depression. Everything you try to do feels its to much for you because of your depression. I am terribly sorry of you being bullied,ignored etc and you and your ex breaking up. But now here we are today. Now the question is do we just give up on life? Cause of these events? Or do we fight back and win at the end. I view life as a bootcamp. Every hardship is to make you stronger. I to was bullied. And that situation made me stronger. I am no longer tolerating anymore of that. In every darkest moments I had, it made me stronger. Just like in bootcamp, They break you, then build you back up. You have to let go of the past and not let it define you in order to move on. I know that's a vague thing to say espicially when the bullying and so on caused your depression. saying "just let it go" may seem insensitive and that the person doesn't understand and know how to help you with your situation. Letting go of things is easier said then done. What they fail to understand is that there are steps thats needed to take inorder to "let it go." But everyones steps aren't the same. So lets figure this out together. Do you have a passion for anything?
Hello @TheAloneKid
After reading your post I can say that I relate to you a lot. The way I see it, you have a lot of things that you are not dealing with. The way depression came back after your break up looks to me like the relationship kept you distracted from the things that made you feel this way and without a distraction the issues arise again. Relationships are wonderful things. They can make you feel amazing. But if there are things you haven't addressed within yourself there is nothing that will fix that for you.
Talking to people can be hard. And you say that you're too complicated but what really is complicated? We're all complex humans. We're not easy to understand. Sometimes I don't think we're meant to truly understand many things. But that doesn't mean there isn't someone out there who can help you through the complications because there is.
I remember how frustrated I was first going into therapy. I wasn't sure what to say because I had no idea where to begin. I had no idea what my issues even were, all I knew was that I had been depressed my whole life with no idea why it was impossible for me to feel normal. It was complicated. I still don't understand many things, maybe I never will. But talking to a professional, having them ask me questions and challenge my view on things, it was helpful. I learned to open up more. I also learned that even though I felt too complicated, there was someone there for me to try and help me through my complicated mess. You are no more complicated than me and countless others, there is definitely help out there if you want to reach out and accept it.
I think the most important thing for anyone in your situation to do is just sit back and think about you. Think about what would be best for you and try to create some sort of action plan. You do have a purpose. You may not see it right now but it is there. Maybe before you are able to move forward you have to focus on your mental health and well being.
I really do wish you the best. I hope you can find a way to become a happier, healthier you :) Love - DA