Not suicidal but wouldn't mind disappearing...
I'm not sure how to describe what I'm feeling...
So for some time I was diagnosed with depression, it has affected my life a great deal but I manage. A lot of the time I get into a real bad mindset, I think this is just from being alone with my own thoughts to much.
I can't say I'm suicidal, but sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind dying. I know it sounds scary, sad, or even pathetic but sometimes it feels like it would be nice to not have to feel pain, sadness or ever get hurt again.
I have weird fantasies about being struck from a meteor, hit by a falling tree, or just having a brain aneurysm and that would be the end of me. I'll even try to wonder what the world would be like if I was never born, if I never existed. I'm not sure if this is normal or not, or even dangerous but I've never really told anyone this and I'm worried if this is a bad thing to be thinking about or not.
Hello, my friend. In reading this I think you are very normal and the thoughts you're expressing are real but coming from your depression. I have had those same thoughts, but fight them by doing things that make me feel I'm making a difference. Fight the negative with positives. We all have talents, we all can make a difference some small and some big, but the world is a better place with you in it. I hear your sadness and sense of no self worth. That is where your brain is fooling you. Turn it around and start giving back by little acts of kindness that mean so much to others. You can change lives, and most important, yours! Share what you love with others, compliment people, let people know you care about them and what interests them and you will see how much people appreciate you and respect who you are! Find your passion, what makes you happy and talk to people in your life who care about you. Let them know how you're feeling and they can help you find your worth.... As you have a ton of worth. You just momentarily may not see what others see. That will change, believe me. This is a good start for you, sharing, keep that going by talking to those who know and love you. Bless you and I hope you know we care.
I feel the same all the time. I was semi suicidal a couple of years back, because I was sick of just kind of hoping for something to happen, but my survival instincts kicked in and I couldn't do it. I know I can't. But if something happened to me it wouldn't be selfish, it'd be out of my control and I wouldn't have to feel guilty about the people I'm leaving behind, I could just... Idunno.I feel like I live for other people rather than myself, because my own existence is pretty meh but I know it would be selfish to do anything and people close to mewould be badly affected by it.
It's definitely tied into depression. It's not dangerous so long as you don't get frustrated like I did and try to act on it.Don't feel bad or beat yourself up about it. It's a side effect of the illness, not a problem to obsess over.You can work on it, work on your happiness and the feelings will go away a bit. Not completely but enough to get by sometimes.