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littleBIGrobot
541 M Embraced 4
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceDecember 18, 2014
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day in, day out
General Support / by littleBIGrobot
Last post
 January 31st, 2016
...See more Honestly I'm tired of everyone, and there's nothing I can do about it. I bite my tongue at everyone that's let me down; family, friends, women, men, everyone. There's always the excuse "they're only human", well maybe that's the _____ problem. No one thinks things through, no one thinks how their actions are going to have a negative impact on everyone else. I can't stand people, they are _____ as waste of space. Clumsy, destructive, disease ridden, manipulative, just plain pathetic. If me being human means I too fall under these categories, then ____ why am I still here? Everyday I'm not sure I can stand being here, I'm tired of accepting faults, its gotten to the point I just assume the worst from everyone. (language edited by forum mentor annie)
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withdrawing from everyone
Anxiety Support / by littleBIGrobot
Last post
 January 25th, 2015
...See more This doesn't happen often, but it foes occasionally. I go through a time when my depression gets worse and I avoid everyone in my life as much as possible. Is this social anxiety? I've read a bit about it but it's not exactly the same and I'm not always like this. I know I avoid people, and can get very uncomfortable in social situations, but it feels way too irrational. I feel as if I'm not me, I'm not doing what I want to do, and I'm not saying things I want to say. I feel like I'd rather be alone, by myself but I know it's not right. How do I stop it? Sometimes drugs help, but they are only temporary, and cost money. Sometimes I want to fix it, but it just feels like too much work and I'd rather sit alone in my room doing nothing until it passes, but then I'm afraid it never will and I'll die there sad and alone...
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Uncomfortable sexually
Trauma Support / by littleBIGrobot
Last post
 November 1st, 2015
...See more So I've never told anyone, but this being an anonymous forum I guess there's no worry in me saying this here. So when I was younger maybe... 6, 7? I was sexually assaulted by my neighbors. I didn't know what was happening really, I just remember it as something I like to block out. I'm not sure if this was the reason, but I've always felt uncomfortable when it came to being close in a relationship. I've never been good at dating, or having a lot of confidence when it comes to women, but I always feel that when things get physical, I get a bit uncomfortable. I don't mind pleasing my partner, but when it comes to them getting near my genitalia... I feel... uncomfortable. I know its something I like to fantasize about, but when the physical act is happening its almost like that blocked memory kind of creeps up on me and I feel really weird... I've only had sex with one woman, and it wasn't until I was 25 years old and it makes me feel really weird. Like I'm some sort of freak for not pursing women the same way most men do growing up. Even tho I've made some strides in feeling comfortable with my body and my sexuality I still feel like shit compared to everyone else my age, and it's all anyone my age seems to care about. I feel like men my age judge me for not "manning up" and "banging" more women. And at the same time I feel judged by a lot of women for not being experienced enough. I'm not sure if what happened to me fucked me up, or if I'm just a loser, but it makes me hate myself for whatever the reason.
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Not suicidal but wouldn't mind disappearing...
Depression Support / by littleBIGrobot
Last post
 December 19th, 2014
...See more I'm not sure how to describe what I'm feeling... So for some time I was diagnosed with depression, it has affected my life a great deal but I manage. A lot of the time I get into a real bad mindset, I think this is just from being alone with my own thoughts to much. I can't say I'm suicidal, but sometimes I feel like I wouldn't mind dying. I know it sounds scary, sad, or even pathetic but sometimes it feels like it would be nice to not have to feel pain, sadness or ever get hurt again. I have weird fantasies about being struck from a meteor, hit by a falling tree, or just having a brain aneurysm and that would be the end of me. I'll even try to wonder what the world would be like if I was never born, if I never existed. I'm not sure if this is normal or not, or even dangerous but I've never really told anyone this and I'm worried if this is a bad thing to be thinking about or not.
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Filling the void
Relationship Stress / by littleBIGrobot
Last post
 November 25th, 2016
...See more Hey there... So a while back I met a really cool chick, and I felt like I had a serious connection with her. We hung out and had fun, and eventually ended up hooking up. Later I learned I was kind of a rebound from some heartbreak she had dealt with. After all that blew over we decided to be friends, but at the same time she kind of just ignored me... She's dealt with a lot of depression/anxiety issues and it worried me sick that she wouldn't talk to me at all. I got over it and was over even trying to be in a relationship with her, but I still felt like I needed to be around her. Even as a friend I felt different around her, like I was super charged with energy and I felt as if I could do anything. But having lost contact with her I feel weak and hollow, and I've been desperately trying to fill the void. So far I've been hitting up chicks like crazy (I normally stick to myself, I don't put myself out there much) but I feel more hallow than I did before. While a lot of these girls are really nice, they just seem boring to me, and each experience leaves me feeling more hallow and exhausted. I'm not sure if what I am doing is healthy, some people say it is but I honestly just feel more shitty inside, and I keep feeling bad for whatever I did to lose contact with the one girl that actually made me feel whole. Where should I go from here? For a while I was able to feel better with diet and exercise, but now even that's lost it's touch. Should I move away, become a monk, and join a monastery? I'm so lost at this point, I feel like I'm just going through my daily routines devoid of purpose or meaning. I'm just lost...    
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