One thing I feel sad about right now is....
The moment I wake up, till the moment I go back to sleep I am sad, I cry, I punish myself for all the ways I screwed up. I the things I do wrong. I have lost another friend. I pushed her to far. How can I punish myself now, how can I beat myself up now. I am nothing more than a worthless piece of crap for what I have done.
I haven't spoken to my imaginary friends for so long
My life..im 25 yrs old..a single mom of two boys..i feel like my life could have and could be so much better..i feel so alone in the world now..always feel like everyone is against me or judging me so i dont go out and i dont have any friends..i never really had enough friends growing up to be able to fully understand social interactions or sarcasm..ive always been a loner...i made bad choices and had my kids young..i went thru being in foster care so ive always been searching for that perfect love...on the inside i feel like my life is crumbling even though things might be going well..theres alot of things i dont have that i still need but i always feel like im just doing this wrong..i feel like im raising my boys wrong..and that i should give them up but i know what the system does to an abandoned child...ive lost so many people..so much respect for myself..on top of depression i have herpes..so my love life is kaput...i want friends but am terrifed of the idea..i want love but trust no one...i need help just dont know where to start...
I'm happy my life is getting a little better, but there's some things that could get. I don't have a group of friends to hang out with, I don't have a girlfriend nor have I ever falled in love before.
I'm started freaking out a lot today but not fully. The reason? It's because I understand I have to try taking care of myself and balance things but I can't find time to do that. There's just so much. I've fallen back in my work and I just feel so dumb. I'm always tired and stressed and I can't relax. I'm so close to freaking out fully and if I do that everything will go down even farther. There's so much.
I can't tell someone I hold very close when I'm feeling really terrible (like right now) because if I do it might make them have a hard time and I just ruin everything or them. I have to keep it in but it feels terrible just pretending to be okay. I do not want to mess anything up again though. Am I asked if I am okay? No no I am not. I always ask if thy are okay though. Because I don't want them to feel like me. I'd rather them be okay and me feel terrible. Then at least they feel fine and I don't have to worry about that. But me. I worry about me still. Hiding these. The "oh I also do that" comments just makes me feel worse because it reminds me that others also have to feel terrible like this. I hope you all feel better. As for me.. I'd love to feel better but I want others to feel better more. I need to care about myself more. Sorry for all the words.
@AdekemiHadouken
Heyy Adekemi! How are you?
I mean you are probably not all that good rn and am really sorry I know not being able to express and talk to someone hurts, but you are not alone buddy! Keeping things inside for a long time isn't good, have you tried writing things down? You making sure that others are okay is really nice of you and always know that it will be returned, You are not alone and you are always stronger than you think you are
Hope you all the best buddy, have a good day!! <3
@blueZebra6177 thanks and also yes I have tried to write the negative stuff down but I stopped because I don't want to remember that stuff if I fix it. That's also why I don't post mean stuff or anything because it may get better later and I won't want to remember the bad time later.
@AdekemiHadouken
you aren
@Plantonadesk thank you for saying that. I often feel I irritate and am a burden to people. That I am annoying. But I'll try to take your word.
My online best friend now has an online girlfriend. At first, I was happy for her but now I'm a bit jealous, sad, and afraid that she'll drift away from me in favor of talking to her girlfriend instead.
For the year that my online friend have known each other, I had gotten used to waking up every morning with a text from her, it made me feel so special that I was one of the first people she thought to say hello to when she would wake up every morning. Now I don't get those texts anymore. If I want to talk to her, I have to text first or she probably wouldn't even think about me.
Her relationship is fairly new with her girlfriend and so I'm trying to be patient and wait until the excitement has worn off, but I can't help but fear that she'll forget about me.
I sent her a text 3 hours ago and she still hasn't answered me, usually she takes 5 or so minutes.
I know that this is kind of an overreaction and that I should calm down, but I'm jealous that her girlfriend gets all the attention now.
As pathetic as it sounds, I miss my friend already. I'm afraid that she won't even notice if I were to stop texting her for a few days.
I love you homie, you're my best friend and I'm here if you need me, always. <3
Say hello when you can, okay?
@purplesloth
i have this same thing with my bestie in real life. She has had a boyfriend for almost a year now. Not only does she frequently leave me for him, but it also makes me feel like shit for being single. I just try to focus on my other friends.
I feel sad that my effort to express myself and let someone in was met with misattunement, misunderstanding, hostility, no empathy, no compassion. I feel sad that I have to fight to be heard even though my fight in my head is more than I can handle.
I can't give up on him . He said he doesn't know if he can give me another chance . I hate myself for letting my anger get out of control again and I hate that I hurt him . I feel empty and alone right now .
Working with students with such challenges in their life, I feel like my own youth is looking back at me. One student spoke to me today on how she wants to divorce her parents. Describing how she feels, I felt her sadness and sorrow... I could feel the tears rising up... in throat, swelling in my eyes. It is still so difficult for me to hold back being so emotionally affected sometimes.