Overwhelmed
Hi everyone.
Im in a doctorate program, and it has caused a lot of stress and anxiety. I am worn pretty thin on a daily basis. On top of that, I recently got engaged and got a house. These should be great things, but no one really acts excited, which has made me depressed. I dont really feel welcome by future in laws, and I dont really feel like my fiancé and I are growing as a couple. I feel like his family is very much involved with every decision or plan we make. I want to feel independence again. I feel like my who life is controlled by school or other people right now. It has made me depressed and frustrated. Im exhausted all the time. Ive gained weight. I have no time for exercise anymore, which is my love. Most recently I found out we are getting him and his brothers dog. I love the dog, but feel as if I wont be able to even go to a park without asking permission from them or finding out if his brother will take the dog over the weekend and I hate that feeling. I feel like I cant control my life because situations like this one keep popping up everywhere. I want to have a life with my fiancé. I love him and he loves me. Just the stress of school, bills, and putting up with family situations has cause a lot of arguing and stress in our relationship. I want to wake up and be excited again. I want to love more and live like each day was my last. Id love any advice or encouragement.
Hi. I feel your frustration, a doctorate program along with all these changes appears to have left you fraught. As well, integrating your life, people and possessions with your fiancee's sounds like an awkward process - and it usually is - in which feelings get rubbed sore.
You mentioned all these decisions being made. Are you feeling like your opinions and needs not being heard? Does he know how you feel or have you spoken to anyone from your side of the family about it?
I've no idea what's feasible for you but here are some suggestions.
You might consider delaying your progress in obtaining your doctorate (if that's possible) so that you can focus on putting together your new home.
Is there someone on your side of the family or a good friend who can act as your advocate, ensuring that your ideas for the new house are being met and slowing down certain decisions (like the dog) until you can give these more attention?
What nice thing can you do for you this week that won't take too much time yet still be a treat? A 1-hour massage? A weekend afternoon in the park? Meeting a good friend for a nice dinner or just a drink?
I'm tossing darts in the dark with these suggestions, not hoping to hit a bullseye rather just to stimulate thoughts about what you can do to reaffirm yourself. I haven't said anything about the depression, I find talk therapy helpful either online or an office visit.
I hope you can find some slice of time to devote to your wellbeing this week.