Perinatal Depression
I'm 31F, married, 19 weeks pregnant (that's almost halfway) with my first baby, and I feel like I've given up on everything in my life and absolutely nothing has a point.
I wake up in the morning and think, "Why go downstairs, why take a shower, why clean the apartment, why read, why watch tv," etc. I don't have a job, my husband's work pays well and I'm not confident I'll find anything worthwhile that isn't restaurant or retail around my city anyway. Besides, I would just leave in 4 months anyway, and we're not hurting for cash. I don't drive and havent since 2011 because I'm afraid of driving, and I live about 2,500 miles from my family (6 hours by plane). I just graduated suma cum laude with my bachelor's degree in psychology and want to go to graduate school, bit I can't because of my husband's work and the coming baby.
We planned for the baby, and I want the baby, but there is no point to anything in my life right now except for the fact that I'm pregnant and everything I do is for the health of the baby. Why read or watch tv when you're only doing it to fill time? I used to love to make art, but so many of the supplies are unsafe, and I dont have the motivation anyway. Why do anything? Why get out of bed except that the world tells you you have to? And then, I inevitably feel guilty for not eating (not good for the baby), so I get out of bed and eat.
I'm already in therapy. Does anyone else feel this way?
@PennyThompson I am sorry you are feeling so hopeless. I get that way too without a baby in tow, so I can appreciate how difficult that may be.
I have listened to members for 5 years now and what you are saying is a common theme. You are not alone.
The other problem that makes your situation more challenging is how the baby coming changes the whole balance of the relationship with your spouse. And in your intuition you seem to know that everything will be different with the baby. And it will for a while.
Maybe professional help is advisable while you still have time to work this out before the baby arrives. It is not easy and there are no simple solutions. What I would share with you is that we are all on a journey of discovering who we are. With a baby we suddenly find that we are not a child and we find the parent inside. Sometimes it is not so easy to deal with that parent because it brings up all the parental complexity we experienced with our parents.
It may not change how you feel, but mindfulness may give you a new perspective on how to cope with all these changes. See our mindfulness video library https://www.7cups.com/forum/MindfulnessSupportCommunity_106/ResourceLibrary_1062/