Problems with accepting others
I feel like these days I'm in this weird state of denial all the time, especially when I come across people who just want to help me feel better. Like, when people tell me things that they don't know will happen (for instance "It will get better") I immediately start thinking the opposite. Like, no it won't. It's not. You can't just sit there and tell me shit that you don't know for sure will happen. You don't know the future so why are you telling me bs?
I guess I'm just having problem accepting others help. I don't ever believe them. It's like my mind is fighting me all the time, trying to keep me in the darker place. How do you go about accepting people's help and encouragement when all you feel like doing is screaming in their face that they don't and won't understand? I get this kind of stuff a lot from people on 7 cups and like...I feel bad you know? A little part of me knows they're trying to help and I should accept it and stuff. But another part of me, the more logical part, is screaming at them to shut up because all they're telling me are either lies or fluffy words. I know I've probably spoken about this a few times before in the forums, but I really honestly want to try and accept help rather than just rant abour it. I think it might be a trust issue, though. And how do you go about trusting people? Especially random people on the internet?
I just don't think I'll ever be able to accept or believe other people's encouragement unless I try and trust them and dismiss all of the lies my mind is telling me. But how do I DO that? I feel like I'm hopeless at it...
I think I'm good at accepting help, yet I can relate to some of what you're saying.
Some of the words said are just fluffy. People will sometimes state the positive possibility as though it will happen, often in an attempt to make one feel better although I find that's not all that helpful.
Sometimes fluffy words can be dismissive of the other person's opinions or how they feel about something. Does it matter if someone sees something as a minor problem if it's a big problem to you? Probably not. Helping one put things in perspective is very different from expecting someone to feel the same way about something and to expect things to be valued equally. This is where empathy can be really helpful - understanding why you view something as you do as much as possible as an outsider.
In terms of being open to help, I don't have much to say about that. Self-worth makes that easier, but getting to that point can be quite difficult.
@mimameid
Just stating my humble personal opinion, when I tell you things will get better, its not like things will get magically solve, if thats the case, no one would have issues in the world, things will get better mean, it will get better if we work hard enough to make it better, at least speaking about physical life aspect, just for example, if you do lost a job, things will get better, as you did find the first job, you can find another job etc, nothing stay the same forever, things are bound to change, but how it will change it something we decide.
"The first place we lose the battle is in our own thinking. If you think it's permanent then it's permanent. If you think you've reached your limits then you have. If you think you'll never get well then you won't. You have to change your thinking. You need to see everything that's holding you back, every obstacle, every limitation as only temporary."
@AmInACoffin i completely agree with what you said in this post! Thanks for the wonderful insight, really makes a difference in my perspectives.
@sunnyForest31
Glad you found helpful <3 :)
@AmInACoffin
Thanks for taking the time to respond. This is actually a response that is a lot more straightforward than many others I've heard. When I usually get annoyed at people who use that statement, it's because people usually say it in a rather naive way, like it IS something magical that will just work itself out. However, the way you've explained it makes it seem much more realistic. ^^
I totally understand this way of thinking. I have such problems accepting help for my mental illness and want solutions more than the classic " it will get better". Sometimes it's hard to find someone who will react to you in a way that will actually help. My advice (specifically for 7cups) would be to keep trying different listeners. If one tells you things that feel empty and make you frustrated with your situation, just thank them for their time and move on to a different listener. Hopefully you can find a listener who provides more constructive answers and doesn't pretend to know what you're going through exactly. If you would like I can recommend a few I have personally clicked with for similar reasons
I guess at some point I realized myself that it's actually quite contradictory to me personally. Sometimes I feel like what people are saying is usless, so I really don't like hearing things like "It'll get better", but when people don't express that, I sometimes feel like they don't just understand me. Sometimes I want some practical advice, such as "How you should .....", but whenever I received one, I don't like the feeling of being told what to do, especially when I'm really low at the moment. So, for me it's contradictory, and I just don't know at time like these.
@terrytee
I understand a lot about the contradictions thing. It's easy to get trapped in that area of thinking, where you want people to help, but at the same time, you want the help to be effective. By the way, My other "favorite" phrase I hear people say all the time is "You're not alone". Okay, well thanks? And I think "this is supposed to make me feel better about myself?" I've read it in so many articles. Too many articles in fact that it's becoming more of a cliche than an actual encouragement.
@mimameid Ya I know that feeling haha!
I guess...it depends really on the person saying those words. If it's just a stranger on the street I'd be really offended to be honest cause it feels like they are just trying to "shut me up", so to speak. But if it's coming from a friend, like a close friend for example who's really been there for me it means a lot to me thou, it depends on who says "you're not alone", but ya, most people say it as if it's some magical word without really thinking what that means which makes my blood boil at times, lol