Ready for Growth, But How?
When you feel like you're ready to start doing things "normally" again after one of the lowest periods in your life, a depressive state, how do you suddenly change and do things that are good for you or even necessary?
I've been struggling with extreme lack of energy, motivation, and just genuine will, but I have finally felt like enough time has passed for me to feel a bit more rested and strong enough to start growing again. I miss it so dearly, the feeling of really living and not just existing, not just surviving. I'm longing for this period of growth and I now feel like I have somewhat enough strength to bring myself out of the depressive episode that has been controlling me and that has taken so much precious time away from me.
It made me so weak to the point that all I was doing was the very bare minimum. And for a while, that was enough for me to feel proud of myself, and while I still am proud of myself for still living in such a painful and unfair world, I want more. I need more. My soul is begging me to take a greater step forward in the right direction. But an obstacle I haven't been able to overcome is the feeling of being pulled backward. If you've had this experience of coming out of a depressive state, if you've really managed to change your life, how did you start?
For instance, I used to be an artist, and I made music too. I still know that this is a huge part of my identity as it made me so happy at one point in my life, but ever since this depression has taken over my being, I've found it incredibly difficult to do these things that I could once do with no difficulty. I could barely touch my instruments anymore. Now, I want to start nourishing these hobbies again, as they helped me feel more meaningful about life, but after so much time of not being able to do it, just the thought of going near my sketchbook or my instruments makes my brain go into panic mode. I hate it, I want to stop fearing what I love and do these things again like I once could. I've let myself rest for a really long time, I've let myself just be without being mean to myself, but now my soul is craving these parts of my identity that I fear I might have neglected way too much. I'm ready to put myself out there, to make myself go through any uncomfortable stuff to feel comfortable with myself again. Because right now, having been in the comfort zone for just so long is making me incredibly uncomfortable. So, any words of advice or support would mean the world to me, thank you.
@peaceandblessings I get how inaction for a long time can get us stuck. I have experienced this myself. Maybe you can take yourself out of equation? Instead of picking up your instrument to regain identity, pick it up as if it were something totally new. Play one note. Put it down. That is the smallest step I can think of. Small steps have kept me out of a permanent cocoon. Hope this helps.
@helpfulAvocado7912 thank you for your help! i've been trying to do this. trying to be more present and not care about what i used to do, but what i can do right now. thanks for commenting and i hope you have a lovely week
Go small. Recognize that each little thing matters. Also try variations on older hobbies. That combination of new and old will make you less panicked. @peaceandblessings
@bestVase7265 thank you for your comment! this is very helpful, reminding myself that the smallest step counts. just one change in my thoughts and the entire pattern changes. thank you for your support, i hope you have a great week
And that is the HARDEST thing to do. Those little things really add up but it is so HARD to see them. I hope that you are having a good week. @peaceandblessings
I relate to your post very much. I used to love creating and now i feel dread and panic and 0 motivation for what used to make me fulfilled.
I haven't stopped being meen to myself yet. I don't know how to move forward and I'm desperate to. I want to have a clear head and goals again.
Advise about aprouching old hobbies as if there new is new to me. and I like that.
Take your time is my advise, to us both, if we want somthing maybe we'll manafest it. I need to remember that I want to be happy and find joy and drive.
I often forget everything and it's a last minute effert to not feel bad about myself. It will feel like literal work trying to sceduals fun and our like passions.
Maybe it's like working a week muscle, just keep trying and finding drive and ourselves again. We where 1 way for so long till it fell apart. Takes time to grow and see that growth when we where so used to seeing ourselves one way for so long. Got to pursist with hard new self growth in order to see and recognise it.
Thank you for your post. Makes me feel less alone. Good luck.
@YellowColette Thank you for your comment, and good luck to you as well my friend. You are not alone at all, I'm right here with you in this same long game. It might feel long sometimes, but it really is extremely short. and remembering this also helps me to come back to the present and make use of the time I still have. We already have everything we need, even if we feel like we don't. Being aware of bringing myself to the present, and away from the future, away from the past, has helped me to produce better actions. I completely understand you, in fact, I still haven't started some hobbies again, but I'm taking it one day at a time. We already have the best timing, there is no need to rush. Something that's also helped me is to set a deadline for myself. For example, I deserve to have xyz thing done by xyz date because having that done by this time will make me feel joy, purpose, pride, and ultimately a better person to be around. I'm much more irritable and low when I haven't taken care of things that would make me feel better about myself. And it's true, when you feel good about yourself you tend to feel good being around others as well. This and reminding myself that the present will not always exist, that I should live today as if tomorrow won't come, have been helping me the most in changing my thoughts for the better. Once we just change a single thought, the pattern then completely changes too. So if you're still being mean to yourself, just ask yourself why. This simple step in questioning your own self will lead you to a different pattern of thinking, and eventually you'll think more positively. I believe in you. Take care, thank you for sharing. I wish you all the blessings.
