Resentment
Kinda resentful towards a lot of people in my life but i realize it’s my own fault bc i hate confrontation. I’ve been pushing down what i feel has been unfair and just swallowing anger and now it’s gotten to a point where anything certain ppl say i immediately feel myself getting irritated. The problem is tho when i have tried to confront them i’ve ended up getting the evasive maneuvers and then sometimes i end up with their partners berating me instead of having a conversation and frankly i’m over it. Maybe that’s where most of the resentment comes from i’m treated as a nobody worth listening to so i’ve stopped talking bc i feel like it’s useless. I’m tired of agreeing to keep the peace. Kinda feel trapped bc i feel like i’m censoring myself but also i know they aren’t going to listen to me because they always feel they are right no matter what. I plain my meek personality. Sometimes i think if i were aggressive and loud things would be a bit different, but i’m not that and i sort of despise those types of people. But they seem to always get their way in the end. Idek anymore i might as well be mute if I can’t share how i feel.
@Planisphere102
I completely relate with you. I have a rather more agreeable personality and usually hate confrontation unless its really really warranted. Of course I've worked with a couple of people to maintain open communication but even that can be hard. Usually swallowing anger can lead to more anger as you start even subconsciously seeing that person in a more irritable light next time you interact with them. Certain traits about them become more negative, you begin to look for more negative things about them and it just sort of ruins the whole relationship. It's hard to deal with especially as you say they don't seem to treat you seriously for it. Do you think it'd be quite impossible to quite directly just have a conversation with those people regarding this?
The thing is my therapist has been urging me to say something, but past attempts in trying to have a civil conversation ends up with her using her boyfriend as a mouthpiece or shield and then i’m just like ???. That usually bother me more bc it makes me rather uncomfortable. This was supposed to be a convo between us, why would you bring a third party to speak for you. The sad thing is that we are roommates and were friends but i’ve been swallowing down so much that sometimes i just consider her a roommate. Maybe i ruined my friendship with her bc i’m so angry. I’ve let so many things pass bc i wanted a safe space at home. there’s so much i’m angry about but i kept my mouth shut only for her to let her boyfriend(s) (she’s done this twice even with her ex bf) control convo and insert their opinions on things. I’m tired. She keeps saying she has no friends and maybe she’s right. What’s the point anymore really.
I want to and my therapist has been pushing for me to have a sit down but i’ve attempted to do this and everytime i get shut down. Oddly enough by her boyfriend(s) (she’s done this with her ex boyfriend before to) to the point that i noticed that i guess she prefers to let them speak for her making it extremely uncomfortable for me to talk about how i’m feeling. I want to talk to you not your damn boyfriend so stop letting him speak for you/talk at me. The last time this happened i got berated and i found that humiliating. That’s why i am so hesitant. Why do i want to maintain a friendship with someone that I can’t even talk to about certain things? we were friends before roommates and now i just feel like she’s a roommate. She keeps saying she has no friends even tho we went through homelessness together and we had each other’s backs…Maybe that’s why i feel so angry bc I get treated like an afterthought when we share the same space. Maybe she’s right in saying she has no friends bc i’m tired of trying to keep the peace. I just wanted a safe space to rest my head. Might have to just wait it out till the lease ends this fall. I’m angry and i’m tired.
That sounds quite frustrating. I have definitely gotten resentful in the past because I wasn't brave enough to cause a confrontation.
Writing stuff out like you just did can be really helpful. Have you thought about writing one of the people who you are struggling with right now? Sometimes people listen a little more that way. @Planisphere102
usually i do journal about and I’ve noticed that i have quite a few entries about this and now i’m noticing that even talking to the person brings up certain memories where i felt things were unfair and then i get angry again lol. Idek if even having a talk is a good idea mainly bc she’ll use her boyfriend as a shield as she did a couple of times and what’s the point in talking if I can’t directly talk to with you. *sigh* idk what to do.
You are doing fine in terms of posting. I am only seeing things once.
You could just write out things that you are feeling, print it, hand it to her, tell her she needs to sit and absorb it for at least an hour before talking to you. No boyfriend can get in the way of that. You will probably feel calmer after you have shared your piece. @Planisphere102
sorry for repeated posts for some reason my other post kept vanishing after i sent it