Scared

Im crying as Im typing this right now.

Im six months into depression recovery and every time I take one step forward, I keep going two steps back. Ive been struggling with sleep for awhile and after months of treatment, my Doctors finally found the right dose of medication for me and my sleep has improved so much.

Problem is, the medication is making me gain weight and I was previously diagnosed with eating disorder (and OCD too). I dont want to gain weight and Im so scared of it. My doctor has told me that our focus is on getting better entirely and not suffering in other aspects just to make my depression better.

I constantly feel like an idiot for going back and forth with treatment because everyones been trying so hard and hoping that Id get better. I dont want to disappoint them.

Why am I so messed up..?