Scared to open up

You know what, spring?

I feel this.

I have memorized things that I can say if somebody asks me “what’s your favorite ___?”

They ARE going to judge you, and I know this from experience. It’s not exactly an enlightening feeling, but because you can feel it, you have more awareness; but remember that whatever they say or think does not define YOU.

I’ve found that I have autistic tendencies, and individuals who are on the spectrum tend to be more sensitive (or insensitive) than others. Try not to hide things that individuals might not like— you might find yourself surrounded by individuals who YOU don’t even like. The coolness factor and the echelon of things— it’s blatantly obvious how individuals react to it, but it only applies to those who let it define them.

When you are young, you think everybody’s judging you— but once you grow old, you will realize that nobody was thinking about you like that the first place.

look at that dude walking on the sidewalk. Are you judging him?

Chances are people have similar thoughts to yours— they just see you, they don’t think about you. You’re just another person— but at the same time, you’re you, and that’s why you matter.

People are not evil or judgemental by nature. It is a habit that is learned, and one that is continued until the pain that they are running from is gone.

Funny thing, though— the more they try to push it onto others, the more it builds up within them, causing the habit to become a way of life.

You may have things that you gravitate to when you’re bored, but you may not identify it as a “favorite thing to do.” That’s completely okay— you just have a broader region of interests than the individual you’re talking to.

And bro, you ain’t weird. You’re YOU, and that’s weird to other people because they can’t understand your individuality.

I used to say that I don’t like movies. But I started watching movies, and soon found that I don’t actually enjoy WATCHING the movies— I enjoy the stories behind them. I enjoy the camera angles and feelings triggered by cinematic effects, but— I don’t have any one movie that I “love.” I don’t have any one book that I “love.” I don’t have any one song that I “love.” But I am far from a boring person— I have found ways to articulate myself in things that are true to myself, such as painting. I love painting, but in my opinion, there is no one artist that I “love.” My interests are broad, and for me to pin “love” onto something would not be true to myself.

Now, I just say that there is nothing in particular that I love about movies, books or songs, and if you choose to define me as a boring person— why? Why did you close that door, why did you limit yourself only to viewing the outside of me? The physical me?

People have depth. If one cannot realize that when talking to another individual— chances are that individual is better off on their own path.

To tell somebody that they don’t have a favorite book, movie or song— opens up worlds of conversations about other things. You can vibe with that person and the stuff they love, too— and chances are they they will even reciprocate!

saying you have nothing to love in particular does not make you a boring person— it makes you quite the opposite. Would you rather talk to somebody who only likes Harry Potter books, or will you talk to somebody who has read Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Sadie Cane, philosophy books and a plethora of others?

One who limits himself will always be understood and will always be a boring person, but if you are constantly picking new topics to talk about, new topics to deeply analyze, where would the conversation end?

being alone and depression often go hand in hand— except you aren’t alone. With what I have learned thus far, I am inclined to believe that you have three parts— physical self, mind, and soul. Soul is your energy and state of being. Mind is your thoughts. Physical self is the connection you have to this plane of reality. If these energies are out of alignment, it will cause great pain within you.

you’re not meant to feel one thing in particular. You feel the ups so you can be down and the downs so you can be up. You exist in the up, constantly focusing on that happiness— it will surely evade you until your time comes to pass. You exist in the down, focusing on it and how you’re only going to be down again after you’re happy— you’re going to be down.

the middle, or “enlightenment,” is what I am striving to exist in. Enlightenment is not “happiness,” or even “joy.” Enlightenment is a state of being at peace with your existence— you feel, and only feel. You don’t hold to your thoughts, because what you hold to will stay upon your mind, constantly taking space.

again, it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be secretive. It’s okay to not have one passion in particular, you can even have many.

you are the sole observer of your existence— nobody will love you like you could, and nobody will hate you like you could. It’s a complex dance, one with only you and your mind.

I sincerely hope this helped. In my times of distress I turn to philosophy and self-help; the knowledge that nothing is supposed to be a certain way is rather relieving.

go to YouTube and look up “secrets to happiness” by Alan watts. It’s an extremely empowering lecture, and it’s not really even a lecture. It’s almost a movie, except— it makes you THINK. And that is, by far, so much more stimulating than a movie to me.

I wish you welll.. keep your head up, yo!! Great things are in store for you!

Hi, @shySpring4931 I exactly feel this. I have no particular favourite movie or books but I do end up getting some names on my mind. And yes I'm afraid to share because maybe they judge us due to that. It's alright you're not alone.

First, ask yourself what you like? Do you find any answers? Good. If not? You are confused about your favourites themselves. Explore yourself.

Be yourself. It's okay there will be some people who like the movies and music we like and some don't. It happens and it's nothing personal. Everyone has different tastes but we share some common things too.

So we are all not so different at the same time not so similar too. It makes us unique.

I hope you embrace yourself and share more with your friends without being afraid of getting judged. Hope this helps (:

Hi I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Ive been through something similar to what you described. Getting over the fear of being judged is extremely difficult but one thing that helped me is that most people will not judge you as hashly as you think they will.

Opening up to people takes time but starting small by stating a few options and opening up more later as you start to build frindships can help. I'm sure you're a wonderfully interesting person and your options and the things you like are just as valid as everyone else's. You deserve to be heard.

I know it's very difficult to break out of feeling like your options are strange or not worth talking about and it can feel very hopeless but I promise it's possible. Allowing yourself to take small steps and understanding that you don't have to share everything all at once can help. And I promise that your interest and options are worth sharing and you will meet people who will enjoy hearing about them it just take time and slowly opening up.

@shySpring4931

Hi there!

I know how it feels to be judged. It's scary to think that someone will judge you based on what you say. I used to just go with the more popular opinion, even if it wasn't what I really thought. I still do now, but I don't let it shape who I am. People will judge you, consciously or unconsciously. It's hard to open up to people, but I know you will find amazing friends from it. If you really show them who you are and the wonderful things about you, it'll be okay. Everyone has a different opinion. Some may judge you, but some may accept it. You never know, but you can always try!