Staying away from your friends?
Hello lovely peeps,
I've been struggling with depression for many years and I know I'm not the only person in the world, but it's been very tough. Also, it's been very very lonely. And despite the fact that I've been feeling left out, I tend to bottle up emotions and stay away from my friends (even though I miss them so much). I just feel I shouldn't talk to them first because they're busy. And I would have nothing positive to share anyway. I'm scared I would get them down and eventually, they would give up on me (because they might find talking to me too saddening). I have no support system, and I'm starting to worry I can't go on talking only to a psychologist once every few weeks.
I do appreciate the community and 7cups altogether, it's been life-changing to me and I'm really grateful to be here. 
But I do miss my friends dearly, I can't remember the last time I was hugged by a human being, I can't recall when I last was comforted by someone. I haven't seen any of my friends/colleagues/acquaintances in months. Nobody hasn't messaged/called/visited me in months. I'm feeling weaker and weaker.
I'm wondering if this is purely depression saying to me that I should stay away from people or is it my common sense/pride?
Could any of you perhaps share one's similar experiences or thoughts?
Thank you.
I think my friend is going through something similar, except she usually opens up. She always apologizes for being so negative and "bothering everyone", but no, she's not. We're her friends and we want her to get better and to feel like she can share things with us without us judging her or anything. If she's going through something hard, we want to be there for her, but we can't if we don't know.
@CallingDreams, thank you for your response.
Your friend must be so lucky to have you! This is very kind to be ready to support someone, really.
As for me, I have to say that depression has made me behave weirdly, anxiously or angrily a few times, so it might have put people off. I've been told by two of my friends that I am "tough to bear" or "odd" or that I am so nervous that my friend was scared of talking to me. I wish I hadn't behaved that way :( But also, I feel that it was depression and anxiety that began to control me, I could feel that, but wasn't able to do anything. It makes me so guilty.
@greenEyes2019
I have been trying to respond. Everytime I do, something acts weird on my phone and deletes my response.
Anyway, i know you said somewhere else on your post that you have told one of your friends about your depression and y'all never talked about it again. Well, I know it seems like she's upset about it or at you, but it's kinda hard to bring that up.
I have actually been staying away from my friends for the past several months. My therapist does say it's from my depression and that I should try to reach out to them. Honestly, it's really hard because I feel the same as if I'm just a burden. Some of my friends are really happy-go-lucky people and I've always wondered why they're even my friends to begin with. I use sarcasm excessively, I find a negative spin to everything without missing a beat and sometimes I'm just straight out mean. Yet they still try to help me. I know I'm not all that terrible because I've been there for them when they really needed me but it's different somehow. I do care about them and lately I just feel like they're better off without me. Even though I ignore most of their calls and messages, they haven't given up. I do miss them, hanging out and all. Just don't have the energy anymore to do it. Oh and I have explained to them to a certain point that I have depression so maybe that's why they sort know why I am how I am.
I doubt any of this helped much but maybe at least let them know you're not always feeling so great. They're your friends because they choose to be. Don't forget that.
@memories, thank you for dropping a line.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a tough battle, I should know.
The description of your behaviour and feelings is so relatable to me... I know the lack of energy and being exhausted even to get in touch with your friends. But it's so great that you have your friends around! And that they can count on you, too.
It's nice to read that your friends haven't given up. They must understand what you're going through. But I'm scared mine might have given up on me already. (I did try explaining my depression to one of my friends, but they just listened and we never talked about this again.) I just feel that if someone doesn't call/visit/msg me, they might simply don't want to, you know? :(
Your post has helped me a bit, I'm able to see this issue from a bit different perspective now. Thank you.
@greenEyes2019 I've gone months without contacting some of my friends. But whenever I'm actually ready to socialize, I contact them and usually they're really happy to hear from me. Maybe when you actually feel ready, you can try that. You're welcome I guess. Hope things get better for you too.
@memories
Thank you!
I would love to contact them, but I guess I need to get rid of this "they're fine without me" feeling. I do feel guilty about bothering them, yet I do want to try.
I hope I'll become brave enough to change this. I hope things will go great for you, too!
@greenEyes2019 Update! So I finally had the guts to hangout with one of my friends and she was more than happy to spend the day at the park with me and random light shopping. It was fun and I instantly thought of you. A group thing is still too much for me but maybe find one person that would be ok with hanging out just a bit to see if it'll help once you're ready. Hope things are getting better for you. :)
@memories, I'm so glad you reached out! All the activities sound so nice, I bet it was fun. Very nice!
And well, what a weird connection, but I've just also decided to reach out to some of my friends. It's a bit of a relief for me, very helpful. So I hope a day with your friend has been cool for you, too!
Best of luck
@greenEyes2019
You sound like you have really been through a lot. I'm so sorry that bottling up and isolating is something you have struggled with so much. Doing these things can definitely lead to feeling lonely. I understand not wanting to be the first to reach out because of the fear that you may seem like a burden. You are not a burden. It's hard to feel like they wouldn't feel that way if they don't understand depression. Having a lack of a support system is rough. I'm sorry that it has come to only having your psychologist and online relationships. We are here for you at 7 Cups, but I understand that physical comfort is missing here because it is all online. I wish I could give you a big hug right now, you deserve it. I'm sorry that no one has taken the time to contact you or see you and that this is making you feel weak. You can make it through this. I can't say if it is purely your depression talking or if it's pride, that's not a call I can make for you. But I can say that you have the strength to reach out to people, you did it here. I believe in you and that you can get over this hurdle that life has placed in front of you. <3 -hugs-
@Kylar, thank you for your words!
It's kind of you to say all this. I try to acquaint myself with this thought I might not be a burden at all, but most of the time depression tells me it's different. I hope it will change someday.
Thank you for all your support and kind words. When one's depressed, this is what is truly helpful.
@greenEyes2019
I'm proud of you for being so open and honest here. Depression can really affect how we see ourselves and how we think others see us. I hope it will change for you someday, too. You are very welcome! <3
@greenEyes2019 I've had the exact same question in my head for a while "is it just my personality, or is depression is affecting this aspect, too?" and I'm still not 100% sure but it might probably be a part of being a depressed person. I, too, tend to isolate myself. When I don't HAVE TO go somewhere I'd meet a friend (uni for example), you don't find me calling them to hang out- and they don't call me, too. Now I have just one friend from uni. She claims caring about me a lot but she never suggested to hang out with me during this spring break. It's always have been like this for me: friends from school/uni who I never meet unless we have classes together, and who totally forget about me if we're not in the same classes next year. It's not that I try to reach them, either. I'm also socially-anxious, which adds to this bizarre desire to just stay at home for days, shut my mobile down and not to log on social media.
So, yes, you're not alone in this. I'm sure it's not only you and me. A lot of people use "isolating" themselves from the world and staying in the shade as a way to protect themselves from being exposed to different triggers and sometimes even to punish themselves for being depressed : "they don't deserve a depressed friend/I'm useless, I won't even be smiling genuinely/people don't need my negativity/I'm going to ruin it/they're going to be/act worried about me...etc"
@Raya501, I'm sorry you're also struggling with such issues.
The "personality or depression?" thought is a killer. It can infuence your behaviour heavily. SoI sometimes wonder, because I've talked to many people here who struggle with depression. They admit that often it's as if something was telling them not to contact anyone, even though they need it. They've explained it as if depression was preventing them from contacting their friends (because depression makes you feel like a burden). So, I guess it's such a strong influence that we often take this sadness as an integral part of our personality. Now I can see it from a bit different angle and I hope you'll figure this out for you,too!
I know what socially anxious means... But the good thing is, you can talk to someone, even if it is one person at your university. I've reached out to someone finally and it brought me relief. I don't know if me being that withdrawn will ever happen, because I'm scared it's always dependent on my emotional state. But at least I do have support, provided that I reach out. If someone doesn't have time or doesn't understand, I can always say, "at least I've tried". That's what my therapist told me. Live and learn.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you and all the best
@greenEyes2019
Hi.
I am new here on 7cups and just read your post. It seems like every word you have written applies to me.
I am going through almost the same emotions. I feel detached. It feels to me like talking to me is not worth anyone's time.
These feelings started almost 3 years ago. But I just kept suppressing my emotions and ignoring them.
Now I feel as if it is too late for me. A few days ago I decided to try 7cups. I had to acknowledge that what I am going through is a mental disease and that I need help. But I am not being able to call up my friends and tell them how I have been feeling for so long. I was never good at sharing, but now its like I can't even if I want to.
I hope you are able to find the strength to face this.
@hardworkingSquare8017, it's nice to see you here!
You somehow remind me of myself from a couple of months ago. I would also suppress my emotions and ignore them. But it's been changing gradually. (For the better.)
However, I also decided to come here on 7cups, and in retrospect, I can say it's been life-changing for me. I hope it will be for you, too! I've learnt so many things via conversations with listeners and I'm very grateful for that.
Letting help yourself/truly wanting help is a great sign already. A step made itself. I'm sure you will make another step towards a change for the better. Once the whole situation starts to "move" and you have a chance to look at your issues from a different perspective, everything will be okay. As well as you'll be able to try to call your friend, if needed.
I wish you all the best