Stuck in A Cycle
I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle with my depression. I feel like I rarely have good days, and when I do have good days, they only last a day or so. Good days are always followed by really low days. Today and yesterday were like that. I couldn’t get out of bed. I struggled to eat or take care of myself. All I could do was lay in bed. I couldn’t even sleep. After my low days always come a slight improvement where I can get out of bed and function, but that’s about all I can manage. It’s a vicious, unpredictable circle that I feel like I’m trapped in. I never know how long I’m going to feel good or terrible. It’s awful. I feel hopeless that I’ll get better. I feel so worthless that I’m not getting better. I wish I wasn’t struggling. I feel like such a burden on everyone.
I relate to this so much. I'm in a really vicious cycle of very low/low days with an Okay day every once in a while. It's despairing and so difficult to just get a handle on your depression when you sometimes don't know how much energy you're going to have.
Something I try is to lower my expectations. On a good day, I can cook dinner for myself, exercise, shower, and get to bed on time. On a bad day, I choose one or two and modify the rest to be easier like getting take-out instead of cooking or just washing my face instead of a shower.
I hope this gives you some hope. Be well.