Support/advice to help my little brother battling severe anxiety and depression
Mediation doesn't work. Therapy doesn't seem to be a good fit. He exercises but still feels bad. Our parents don't believe in medication. But my little brother is fourteen-years-old and hasn't been a "normal" kid in years.
When he was eleven (yes. Eleven), he tried to end his own life due to anxious, intrusive thoughts and this year I begged my parents to get him therapy.
He hates going out into crowds, loud sounds frighten him, lights blind him and with every person who passes, he thinks they are staring at him, judging him, and it sends threads of terror running through him.
Night terrors are next. He wakes up in a panic but saying that is an understatement. He's covered in beads of sweat, saying he's going to di3. It takes hours for me or my dad to calm him down and he gets very little sleep.
He has no friends.
I feel so guilty for not helping him because I feel as though that's my job as his big brother. I want to support him and possibly help him sleep, feel better in public and not think he is horrible. I dont know what to do.
Good for you, in wanting to step up as his big brother to help your little brother through this difficult phase of his life. At fourteen, therapy would be better than medication. With therapy though, it's also a lot of trial-and-error. To feel connected and have trust with the therapist, enough to share personal problems with, takes time to build.
If therapy treatment hasn't been much help, you can become your little brother's support. For example, when you're out in a public setting with him, show him that he's safe, that no one is actually judging/staring at him. With his night terrors, maybe have a good chat with him before bed. Ask what he is afraid of, what worries him, and try to break it down for him.
I find that with night terrors, it is usually something that happened to us in the day time, that we've brushed off because we don't know how to deal with it. Then, at night, when we're sleeping, our subconscious minds take over; wanting to solve the problem in our sleep on a subconscious level because our conscious minds cannot digest what has happened.
I've suffered from many night terrors/nightmares in my teenage years too. I would get by one week, with an average of 5-10 hours of sleep only. Back then, it was my depression that kept me "awake" and "functional" during school. My anxiety levels were extreme too. I remember a time when I was eleven years old, there was a time where a classmate had suddenly disappeared in between classes. She didn't tell anyone where she was going as the rest of the class made their way to the next classroom (she didn't feel well and had went to the "medical office"). My friends and I went into panic mode. More like, I went into panic mode, running around the entire school (it was two floors), checking all the washrooms, going through the library, checking the field, just every corner of the school. After a good half hour, someone found her the in "medical office". It took me another half hour to catch my breath. I think that was like my first panic attack. I've had anxiety with all my male teachers, to a point where I've even memorized the license plate numbers, and during the weekends, when I go to the mall with my parents; as they look for a parking spot, I'm scanning all the cars and their license plate numbers, afraid that I'd run into them at the mall!
Unfortunately, I dealt with all of this on my own. My parents were both working back then, so, I only basically only saw them at the breakfast and dinner table, then, over the weekend. Although we lived under the same roof. I have an older brother, who's four years older. So, he's busy with his school, extracurricular activities and friends, we were never close. Being the younger sister, at times, I feel he's trying to make me feel bad more than help me. He's made me cry more than making me smile when we were younger.
Do try and be there for your little brother. Show him the world, the people, is not as scary as he sees them. Find something that he is good at, whether that be a skill or behaviour. Praise him for it, encourage him to continue with doing it. Help him build confidence and self-esteem. Of course, your parents can step in as well. Medication, in the long-term, is not good for the body. But sometimes, it does take medication to control certain imbalances in our brains. Maybe now is not a good time to turn to medication for your little brother, there are many other natural remedies that may help. Work with him little by little.
If you need more support during this time, do continue to reach out to us too. This may be a tough journey for both of you!~
@Bobrosspetrat
Hi @Jaeteuk!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so sorry you had to battle through so much of the same things my little brother is going through, and I'm sorry you had to go through it alone. I hope you're getting the support and help you need now.
Yes, I do always try to reassure him and make sure he knows I love him and that I'm always there for him. But after some time, I know it's not him I'm talking to; it's the anxiety, and it's like a demon.
He was also diagnosed with ASD, so I think that's bothering him. For me, I always knew, and it gives me a lot more clarity, but I understand it being tough for a kid because he doesn't realise how vital being diagnosed early is.
My brother is incredibly intelligent. He goes to a private school, and the teachers told my parents he could go to university at a young age. My parents are very strict and have been hard on both of us from a young age. They don't believe in mental health issues, think the anxiety is just in his head, think ASD is just because he's a little different. It's not helping him because he wakes up and thinks there's something wrong with him.
The night terrors are horrific for him. I have tried to take your advice and ask him questions about his day before bed, but he doesn't tell me much that could cause a night terror. I'm guessing that whatever is happening to in—whatever his mind is thinking—is all subconscious and maybe it's something he thinks is normal. :( For those, he trusts me enough to hug him and I sit on the floor with him until he falls asleep.
It's going to be a very long ride, but I'm going to get him more help and make sure he knows he's loved by me the way he is.
Thank you again,
Pieter.
Hello, Pieter.
My youngest cousin was diagnosed with ASD recently too, and he's only 5. He doesn't really socialize much with people outside his immediate family. He does get chatty with his older brother though, and the older one acts as a translator for him when grandma uses Cantonese, he translates it to English. When we had gatherings as relatives (a table of 11-12 people), it takes him almost the entire meal to have warmed up enough, to even look at us. Although he doesn't talk much, you can still see that he's constantly thinking and processing everything he sees. He's also very artistic. At his age, he can draw straight lines, circles.. free-handedly. ASD children are geniuses. My friend's son just graduated from high school, and he wishes to become a politician!
I'm happy to hear that your little brother trusts you. It will indeed be a tough and long ride for all of you. I know how parents can be like, especially when it comes to mental health, and something like ASD. As I got older, I came to understand, that my parents, lived in a totally different generation than I. Their ways of thinking, the culture that they were raised in, and the issues they were exposed to in their times, is also very limited to some extent. In this day, and time, I believe parents should be open to ideas that are showing up in the generation their children are in. Learn about and accept what their children are going through. I believe this is one of the many ways parents can become support pillars for their children. Being strict is one thing, but they also need to be encouraging in some ways too.
You're doing very well as an older brother. I hope I could've been of more help, as you are there for him; we are here for you at 7 Cups~
@Bobrosspetrat
