TW!
I just need a reason not to.
just an actual good valid reason that is better than “people will miss you” and “you have so much ahead of you” and “it gets better”.
I need a valid reason NOT to
First of all if u really wanted to then u would've done it already, something is stopping you from doing it and yk they need you which is why you havent.
“if you wanted to you would have already” is not a reason. That’s just not the case. Why would I ask otherwise? I’m asking for reasons because I genuinely want to know that there are better ones than I ones I gave
bc you dont know whatll happen after. what if it’s worse? what if it’s a black void of nothing, filled w anxiety and terror, not able to move and suffocating in your own existence? or the loss of self, only emotions, but not knowing who you are, why you feel this stuff, and the anxiety from this eternal amnesia follows you forever, inescapable. ik it’s dark and existential, but it’s really the only real thing that keeps me from doing it
Those are all good reasons not to. Have you considered getting a pet or a plant? Then you would have something that depends on you. My family keeps me going.
I can’t have pets in my appartment and my college schedule is too demanding for me to get either a plant or pet. They’d just die under my care tbh
@littledancer2001 Hi Little dancer. Have you talked to a therapist/counselor/psychologist about your thoughts? I know you’re busy with college but I am reading a book called Feeling Good. I’m also reading The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. It talks not only about techniques but how the brain works, medication, etc.
I’m in the process of getting support from my college and getting counselling. I’ve never done this before so I’m a bit scared, that’s why it’s taken me so long to get one. Also the financial cost. Who wrote Feeling Good?
Aw, that's too bad. I don't have any pets or plants either. I think I'll get a little succulent plant for my daughter to care for sometime. We don't have pets because she's autistic and I'm afraid that she'd hurt the animal.
It sounds like you don't like the reasons that you are hearing. What kind of reason are you looking for? Your brain is always going to try to convince you that any reason you or anyone else comes up with is wrong. Your brain is seriously lying to you.
None of the process out of the *** is easy. I know that you are in pain. I have been there. But working yourself to a better spot is the best way. I know that I personally never want anyone to feel that bad and I knew that they would if I had done something. I could not do that to another person ever. @littledancer2001
Yeah. I’m in pain. I’ve just been in this rough spot for so long it feels normal now. I feel my hand on the self-destruct button and every time I remove it, it finds it’s way back there again. Hopefully I start counselling soon. But until then, I’m just trying to hold on. I guess that’s why I asked for those reasons.
It feels a bit like blindly going through molasses, doesn't it? You can't really see a better place at all. I think that you begin to realize slowly but surely that thinking about all the big stuff is what brings you down and keeps you in that nasty loop.
What really helped me was to focus on the really small stuff. Hard. If I could try to live in the moment, give myself time to veg with Netflix, listen to music, get outside for 5 minutes, then I could survive until I got more help.
Coming here and venting every night really helps too. Get the bad out of your head. @littledancer2001
Thanks for this. I never thought of it this way at all. My college work/career is always forcing me to look at the mammoth tasks but from now on I’m gonna try out looking at the little things and using that to help me until I get help.
Mammoths are much too hard to chew. Every little mini assignment that you complete really matters. Even if you don't complete a reading or do perfectly on a test, knowing that you are trying is how you find the path forward. @littledancer2001
It’s true. My college degree constantly assesses our performance and usually this feedback is public so sometimes you have to watch other people win while you fail. And of course I’m happy for them but I can’t help feeling like such a fraud and loser myself. It’s hard not to be a perfectionist. I have the worst mood swings. Could wake up on cloud 9 and then before I even walk out the door to go to class I’m so low. And when that happens, sometimes I just dissociate so it’s like nothing matters.
That constant comparison can be really tough. I can imagine that causes some of those mood swings. But you are your own person on your own journey. Match your progress against you. I work in a college atmosphere myself and will never get the accolades or salary of my colleagues. It makes it easier to accept this by just focusing on me and making me a little better. I also recognize that when I fall down and have a bad day that I can eventually get back up. Give yourself time and space to be down in the dumps occasionally. The more that you beat yourself up the harder it all is. @littledancer2001
@littledancer2001 I am sorry you feel this way. Can you tell me what in your eyes is a valid reason not to?
I feel like I don’t know but when I hear it I know it. I want to feel myself getting better and I feel like I am but then the wave comes again and smacks me back down and I’m stuck looking for reasons to carry on again.