The Joy has gone

<ramble>

Nothing I do right now seems to bring me the joy it once did, even writing. I'm not even certain why but I feel so tired when talking to anyone because it's to me as if they don't care either way in regard to what I have to say.

Maybe I over share and say to much, but I've never been one to be short and sweet or give replies that are very few words. It hurts that I can't write things out right now as I know I'm being judged and rejected in some way well before I finish. I feel ultimately like I'm the filler people try and use to get through their bad days and then on the flip side when I try become happy I'm not allowed to. I don't know where I fit, I am treated as a "sometimes" person, because they know I give without expecting, I don't know maybe I am better off, I, I kust don't know. I fight this hurt and what is to me a real threat and darkness just so I don't make people angry or sad. I tried doing for me but am always doing for others because that's who I am.

There is no joy anywhere for me maybe I should ... should what, that's what I have no idea about, honestly I want to stop, I'll find my way and I care not what some may like about it or not.

</ramble>

- Ink