The worst.
Hi, I'm very new to this so I hope I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm not sure when I started feeling like this, maybe just over a year ago. Although it's been ongoing, it's never been this bad because I usually have school to occupy my mind. I've never had any profession help or advice so I'm very cautious of self diagnosing myself, but I've told my family how I felt a few months ago, even cried to them, but, and I don't really blame them as they have virtually no experience with depression, they just suggested I take up a hobby but I hated everything they suggested and I felt horrible for that.
I finished my exams and school just over a month ago for summer and I can count on one hand the amount of times I've left the house since then. I feel so exhausted constantly. I've attempted to make plans with some of my school friends and family but almost every time, I've cancelled, usually making up a lame excuse as to why I'm not going. I really have any hobbies, like I'm not sporty or musical or whatever, so that also adds to it. The hobbies that I did have (mostly using the computer) seem boring and dry now and I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel so disgusting and lazy every time I cancel or every time I see how untidy my bedroom has become or when my family asks me to go somewhere with them and I tell them I don't want to go because there will probably be people there.
The worst part about it all is how lonely I feel. My parents are on holiday and I'm with my sister and every time I see her phone light up I think about how many people are talking to her and are sending her messages and I want to cry. What is she doing that I'm not. Then I remember that I cancel plans, and most of my friends were made online and I've never met them and they have a lot of friends in real life that they spend their time with, why would they want to text me back. That's another thing that's been hard. I have made a lot of friends over the internet and most of them have stopped talking to me at some time. I've tried to talk to them again but the conversation is always cut short and I feel like they are only talking to me because they're decent people, not because they want to. Why do I feel like this? I feel depressed but nothing has triggered it in terms of traumatic? experiences or history of anything like that? I feel like this is all my fault. Like I could have stopped it? Can someone please offer me advice? Thank you in advance.
Hey, I'm new in this too so I hope I am making this right. Once I've read somewhere that saying that you don't have any reason to be depressed because you haven't been through any traumatic experience is like saying to an asthmatic that he has no reason to be asthmatic because look at how much air we have out there. I'm not sure this make sense to you but I don't think it's your fault. I don't really know how to help you because I've been facing some similar things, but don't let this situation go too far
Hey, I guess you are right. Thanks for that and for replying, it means a lot. I hope you can overcome this too. Do you have someone to talk to?
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Hope you can overcome this as fast as possible too ^^ I don't, I mean, my friends and family are supportive but I'm not really good at talking about how I feel.
Yeah, I know what you mean, it can be really hard to fully express. I always feel guilty when I talk about my problems to them, because they usally have work and are tired and are envious that I just stay at home all day.
Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I could fit in your shoes.
Online friends are tricky exactly because of that. With time, most of them will go on with their lives and forget you. The topics and stories to talk about vanish, and you ask yourself how are you still friends.
Treasure your friends, if you still have some who stick with you. I've lost almost all of mine, and it's been way harder. If you don't feel like going out, ask them to come over, even if it is just to watch a movie. Try to see them, and little by little, see some new people. Then, try to get a job, and see more people. Try to re insert yourself in society. Being alone in your house feels safe and comfortable - I know - but honestly, I don't see how can you get over this doing it.
But remain strong. Work/study usually make is better because you focus and don't think of anything else. That's what hobbies are for too. But they won't always work, so make sure to hold on to your family and friends. And good luck, I hope you can overcome this :)