Tired of things being this way
It feels like my life is a cycle that never ends. Every new season I start in a new school, new part of life seems so fresh to me, but the same things have been happening since I was 12. Making friends, feeling that they are true friends, then realizing they are not. It always ends in the same manner, despite me trying to change my personality and approach to things. I feel so frustrated that I've turned to other almost non-material aspects for support and I feel like I'm so numb to everything in life now. Nothing really makes me happy. And when I find something that does, I'm scared to feel happy because it all comes crashing down in the end. My symptoms of depression are self diagnosed because I just can't seem to open up to anyone around me about whatever I'm going through. All these are made worse by other smaller things in life and grades are one of them. I've just sat for my A levels and I feel so dissociated from life, to the point where I just want to wake up from this bad dream.... I just don't really know what to do and how to deal with all of these anymore.
It does seem like some sort of patterns established themselves when you were 12, and since then although you've been able to change things on the surface, the patterns have remained to drag you down. Not being able to tell people around you how you really feel about things has made it harder for you to feel supported.
Listeners here should all be people you can open up to, no matter what you're going through, and I hope you've found listeners who have understood you and been able to help. We also have professional therapists here who can help people to understand and to free themselves from long-established patterns in their lives. If you'd like to talk to me about any of these things, feel free to send me a message.
@n0ten0ugh