What it's like to be a failure
I'm a 23 year old Medical Student and ever since the 5th grade, my grades have gone down each year afterwards. And I remember coming home so scared out of my mind to show my report card. But somehow over the years with my borderline average marks got me here. But even in 5 years of medical school I was aleays the one with the lowest marks. My parents don't know this because I tell them everthing js okay. I have failed at keeping my grades and most importantly relationships. I know I dissapoint everyone. Lately nothing seems to go right in my life. I'm always the replacable one. I don't have a real best friend. All of them have labeled themselves as my best friend. And I can't seem to be happy. It's like I gave forgotten how to be happy. I start to doubt myself and others around me.
I feel like I have failed in life. Like there is no coming back. I get jealous easily. About other people's happiness. And my emotions are all over the place.
I need some sort of constant in my life.
Did you lose your your love for the medical field or do you think your just depressed and that's why you've lost your motivation?
I think I can continue in the medical field. I have just lost interest in other things. I used to be a photographer. Now I can't even take my camera out to take a single photo. Anything else im not interested in.
What are you passionate about?
I'm passionate about learning new things. And I want to start pgotography again
Hey, in med school, grades really don't matter as long as you pass. Med school is tough and some of us are better as some things than others. Half of my class failed our first neuro exam. I understand not wanting to let anyone down, but know that you're the one who matters most, and you can't let yourself down as long as you're giving it your all. Also, if you're struggling really hard and just hating it, it's okay to try something else. I dropped out of school once. I have friends who dropped out of nursing or other programs. they dusted themselves off and found what they loved. You will too.
Thank you for that :) From where I'm from, giving up something like Medicine is like being a big failure. You're right. I should do something I like. But then again. I'm the only child in the family of 4 doing something that big. I don't want to let my parents down because they have worked really hard to get me here. It's sort of their dream to see me be a doctor. And that is the only thing that gets me to wake up in the morning and go to the hospital to learn. And I have made up my mind to do that.
What's really bothering me is that because of that stress, im starting to lose friends maybe because it's really competetive. And I hate it when others look down on me because I have bad grades. It makes me feel stupid.
I understand that pressure. In some cultures the "we need a doctor in the family" vibe can be very intense. Your grades are your business; you don't have to share them with anyone if you don't want to--especially if it hurts to do so. I also understand and admire your dedication, drive, and personal commitment, and desire to finish what you started. Friends who abandon you because of your perceived success or lack thereof are not real friends, and looking to them for validation may damage you. I wish you the best, and I hope you find support, compassion and moment of peace. I'll share this one thing with you: even in the midst of crunch time and finals, I always, always, always made sure the last 20 minutes before bedtime was for reading a book of my choosing. It was one small way I could still keep my sanity and individuality in the midst of crushing obligations. I hope you can also find small ways to feel good. Good luck.
You will not be happy if you pursue a career that you don't have a passion for. I pursued a career for the prestige and income and although I was "happy" for the first 5 or 7 years, I am miserable. I believe it's one of the primary causes of my depression. The idea that I will need to put in another 30 years in my current career is..........depressing. The career you choose is one of the most significant factors in regards to your happinesss. Your wife/husband is another important one. Please, think very hard about the career you choose and you MUST disregard any input from parents and friends. Read Mastery, by Robert Greene. I wish I read this book when I was 18, I would be much happier today if I had.
You are hardly a failure. Look at the rest of the population....your way ahead. School is not going to be forever and when you start working and being respected by the people around you (and getting paid) things will be very different. I also went to a very competitive school and felt like the dumbest one because everyone around me was super smart.
School was probably the most stressful part of my career. Good luck and hang in there. And you are very much a success not a failure.
