What should I be doing
Everything seems to be a challenge.
Physically, Mentally.
It has been affecting me in life, work, food, money, army, family, decision making, what to do, etc.
Been trying to start some minimalising by decluttering physical items, and mental thoughts (to dos, strict harsh rules, disordered thoughts, eating disorders, etc.)
But I still faced with all the troubles, what to do in a day, nothing to look forward to. Nothing seem to be going right, this break that spoil.
Work is not forward looking, I do not have the energy and motivation like the past.
Food is challenging, choices are difficult to make. This cannot take, that is not good, not nutritious, etc... Whole Food Plant Based... High Carb Low Fat... Calories in Calories Out. Cannot eat too much, eat more. Underweight should eat..., why cant i stay at this and be contented. One moment someone says this is the cold truth, next moment it is being debunked/demythed by someone.
Whatever I do, it just does not bode well. (i.e. stomach cramp, digestion issues, etc.) People staring, "judging", commenting, etc.
Eating out is hard, costly and I rather self-make at home. Shopping at supermarket for wholefood is expensive and plus... very perishable. Making things inconvenient and cannot gel with corporate life. It is starting to mentally/physically drain me. My hands are drying out, and chaffed after all the chopping preparation.
I bake my own bread, cause it is cheaper, and lesser ingredients. (Most importantly cleaner. Not touched by my father, who constantly smokes and never practises proper hygenie while handling food, etc.) But it is not shelf-stable...
Well... that is only part of it. More of other concerns and thoughts are concurrently over flowing in my mind.
Although i posted in a blog post, I am not sure if i should share here.
@mikenai22
I understand. There are too many ideas and suggestions on what is the only right or the only wrong. Add to it our own OCD. Everything becomes an effort, and by the time we cook after ticking all the criteria do we really feel hungry anymore?
I am lactose intolerant, but I can't stay away from milk products :(
@amicableTurtle18
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences.
Yes... indeed... becomes very challenging... worse off there are times where i want to challenge myself, but end up getting confused with measurements, what's good, what's not. and started compensating (which indeed is not very healthy)
But when i force myself to consume more... end up only feeling guilt and more pain (bloat, cramp, etc...)
@mikenai22 It seems your mind has been overflowing with thoughts and concerns. Do you think so many thoughts are useful, or would you like limited as well as directed thoughts which could help in your choices?
Also, are there some ways to relax yourself when things feel tiring?
You also mentioned that it was easier in the past. What gave you motivation and energy in the past?
And it is very okay to share here as well. Glad you shared with us. :)
Hey @Fristo, I will reply inline. hope you dont mind.
It seems your mind has been overflowing with thoughts and concerns.
[mike] it is, i have been making laundry list, to dos, resorting my priorities (although kept failing)
and never ending. constantly planning what's next... what to prep/eat/cook next.. etc.
I should not be wasting my day... yet i struggle to find energy to do something or get something done.
Even something as simple as using the computer/playing my pastime favourite games are challenging...
My sleep cycle is getting awkward (i noticed and am aware, but cant help to change...)
Do you think so many thoughts are useful, or would you like limited as well as directed thoughts which could help in your choices?
[mike] I am often told that I am a thinker. An over-thinker, too forward looking, worse off very negative looking.
No the amount of thoughts are defintely not helpful. Although many/most needs to be done.
Problem is i cannot decide properly nor want to make a decision. The perfectionist mindset keeps wanting to be on the "safe" which tends to not result in any answers. Hence stucking in a endless loop.
I would defintely love a more directed, "decided by someone" thoughts. Much more easier to follow. But that will cause me to over-rely on others.
Also, are there some ways to relax yourself when things feel tiring?
[mike] Not really.. tried different stuffs before like
- yoga
- mediation (no i am not a good meditator, tends to drift)
- candle burning
You also mentioned that it was easier in the past. What gave you motivation and energy in the past?
[mike] I would say it is because of my more "forgiving" mindset. Letting things go and past by shouldering burden. Bearing it throughout.
It was when i decided to call it quits, and start to focus more on self. Which then these weird things started to happen...
And it is very okay to share here as well. Glad you shared with us. :)
[mike] It takes kinda some effort to "type" and ensure that what i type syncs with my thoughts...
Not that straight forward...
But i appreciate your response and opinions on managing it better.
@mikenai22 I read line by line. I would do the similar as you did, for an organised response:
i have been making laundry list, to dos, resorting my priorities (although kept failing)
[Fristo] It seems there needs to be something which provides us our core motivation to live our day and do all other things with a happier mind. Tell me that one thing which gives you the core meaning, if I am not too vague in what I ask.
Problem is i cannot decide properly nor want to make a decision.
[Fristo] Maybe more we delay or escape from making our choices and facing our innermost reality, more we suffer, more we tend to fail in the plannings of the daily tasks. What do you think is your innermost reality? This question is similar to the previous one, but maybe is more. In our innermost reality, we carry not only voids but maybe pains and hurts from the past/present avoiding which make us feel dull and unmotivated.
mediation (no i am not a good meditator, tends to drift)
[Fristo] Drifting is normal. The idea of meditation is to keep bringing back the mind each time it drifts, no matter it drifts 100 times. Each time you politely bring it back and over time and practice it comes to drift with lesser frequency.
Have you heard of 'guided mindfulness'?
Letting things go and past by shouldering burden. Bearing it throughout.
[Fristo] hmm.. Do you think that bearing it unresolved somewhere in mind is good? Could they be resolved and unburdened, like through talking about them and letting things dissolve over the time and talks?
It takes kinda some effort to "type" and ensure that what i type syncs with my thoughts...
[Fristo] Feel free. This counts. Write wild if it helps. Sometimes just 'letting ourselves be' helps. It does not matter if it comes out vague. It nonetheless provides insights about how you feel. Even if somebody misreads, it is okay. Sometime someone maybe will connect with what you say and express, who knows. : )
I am not sure how far this helps, but maybe it still is a help with someone offering their thoughts in response to your thoughts.
Feel free to respond or not respond, according to what feels right. :)
@Fristo Thanks for understanding. I appreciate it.
I read line by line. I would do the similar as you did, for an organised response:
i have been making laundry list, to dos, resorting my priorities (although kept failing)
[Fristo] It seems there needs to be something which provides us our core motivation to live our day and do all other things with a happier mind. Tell me that one thing which gives you the core meaning, if I am not too vague in what I ask.
[mike] sorry... nothing comes to mind... i have been asking myself somewhat related question for sometime already
Problem is i cannot decide properly nor want to make a decision.
[Fristo] Maybe more we delay or escape from making our choices and facing our innermost reality, more we suffer, more we tend to fail in the plannings of the daily tasks. What do you think is your innermost reality? This question is similar to the previous one, but maybe is more. In our innermost reality, we carry not only voids but maybe pains and hurts from the past/present avoiding which make us feel dull and unmotivated.
[mike] yes indeed, i am aware that without the decision made. this "problem" will stay and just loop endlessly.
Perhaps asking for the impossible? Perfectionist?
mediation (no i am not a good meditator, tends to drift)
[Fristo] Drifting is normal. The idea of meditation is to keep bringing back the mind each time it drifts, no matter it drifts 100 times. Each time you politely bring it back and over time and practice it comes to drift with lesser frequency.
Have you heard of 'guided mindfulness'?
[mike] yes, tried before also. But those are very "monotone" and i tend to switch off way faster than those 5-10 min sessions with just a quiet background music with a mantra to follow.
Letting things go and past by shouldering burden. Bearing it throughout.
[Fristo] hmm.. Do you think that bearing it unresolved somewhere in mind is good? Could they be resolved and unburdened, like through talking about them and letting things dissolve over the time and talks?
[mike] Never.
I know it defintely feels better getting it resolved. i.e. fixing an issue, by replacing it. like my speaker which is broken, and not within my repair means > 5 years. Yet i am procastinating to accept the avaiable models and "Paying" for it.
I only kept asking around for more suggestions, options, what i should be doing... yet not wanting to pay for it.
It takes kinda some effort to "type" and ensure that what i type syncs with my thoughts...
[Fristo] Feel free. This counts. Write wild if it helps. Sometimes just 'letting ourselves be' helps. It does not matter if it comes out vague. It nonetheless provides insights about how you feel. Even if somebody misreads, it is okay. Sometime someone maybe will connect with what you say and express, who knows. : )
I am not sure how far this helps, but maybe it still is a help with someone offering their thoughts in response to your thoughts.
[mike] don't worry. I am grateful for your replies. better than... me typing to myself... or journaling to myself...
Feel free to respond or not respond, according to what feels right. :)
[mike] Thanks for lightening my mind.