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mikenaiwc
1 21,800 M Aiming High
PathStep 120 Compassion hearts863 Forum posts1,796 Forum upvotes2,366 Current upvotes2,366 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceApril 18, 2016
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Taking Self-Care Break.

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Why - The need for Why
Depression Support / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 May 28th
...See more Trigger Warning - May contain topic related, ED, Anxiety, Stress, Depression, OCD Re-started chat therapy for couple week, but may consider to stop due to finance and online only requirement. The topic of "why" started provoking me, and made me questioned almost everything in entity. Why of all do I do things that sometimes * makes sense, yet sometimes doesn't * social media or internet approves, but reality doesn't * family, professionals, concerned/recovering others do not approve of, and hope i change for the better * healthy habit that supposed to be good for oneself, yet i often take it to the extreme till it becomes unhealthy * and because of above, i start to learn to restrain or let go, but cannot control anymore and lead to complacency and or laziness Why is there a need or why do i have to * punish, suffer, torment myself to deserve or earn the right to do something i.e. exercise for food, calories, carbs, or whatever, even to deserve the rest of the day * of all exercises, why must be jumping jacks in a specific order/sets, what if the day just ended up poorly as heck. no high carbs allowed? * listen to internet that high protein high fibre high whatever, but not carbs nor fats nor sugars nor etc. * dont have the option to "not" do something that I do'nt like or just dont want to do for the day * is life supposed to be experienced. in a pleasurable or enjoyable or experienced manner or painfully earned, suffered * why do i have to cold shower * why do i have to poop after eating, even worse, rinse myself after every caloric or pooping session * why is there a why for anything, even chatting even therapy even money, even buying anything, even sleeping i dont think i will be able to list everything off my head. but then at least i just get some stuff off for now.
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Apology to @cherryfemme and @straightforwardLime4078
Friendship Support / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 May 16th
...See more @cherryfemme @straightforwardLime4078 Hi. I don't think you be happy when you see this. I only wanted to apologise to you again, with regards to the topic of supplement drinks. I understand they have their importance and roles for specific applications, especially of those loved ones in desperate needs of nutrition but unable to obtain sufficiently from natural sources. Nevertheless it is also useful for those whom need additional boost for health. Although I wish I can share my part of story, but I doubt it will be of concern here. I do not mean nor intent to harm when I typed the messages in the chat room on 16-May-2026 approx 6.15pm GMT+8 Neither nor I will ask for any forgiveness. But most importantly as I mentioned in the chat, is your self-care, health and safety. Take care. mike
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When enough is enough, or there isn't
Eating Disorder Support / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 May 9th
...See more When enough is enough. I know that this question definitely revolves around this and depression/ocd. no point listing the entire list of questions or topics. neither nor i cant be just living day after day. (lets not use the word "recovery" or "in recovery" or "un-recovery", etc.) when is the correct time to do xyz. likewise when is it not. when to listen to self. when to not listen to self. no one has the answers. nor myself. nor closed ones. nor the internet. nor professionals. nor medications.
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tired of anything
Depression Support / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 May 26th
...See more sorry. please just let me type. tired of asking for help. restraining, restricting. all or nothing. seeking validation approval. getting blamed by internet. failing in life. gaining weight despite hating it so much. I known it's for the better but I just don't like it. feeling lazier than before. getting complacent. or is it supposed to be called "recovery" nothing feels right anymore. things I hoped wished for keeps failing. food never feels satisfactory nor comfort. not even favorite food. everything is just numbers. even if it's not ED related. exercise becomes mental torment. even 5-10mins OCD compulsory exercise feels dreadful. I wondered how I did hours and hours in a day without issues in the past. is it age? or me letting go? or getting weak and being a loser. why getting things for self, games, hardwares etc. is being judged and got scolded by others. why nothing is ever right... or is it that my path of life supposed to be painful for life. am I only allowed strictly vegetables only? otherwise weight will just go up. I think... I typed enough for now. I'll add on perhaps on reply posts. if you read this. thank you for reading through. apologies if I triggered you. apologies if I taken up your precious time. nevertheless take care of yourself first.
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One Line A Day
Journals & Diaries / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 May 19th
...See more I know this will not go well. not perfect. not forever. maybe only today. even if so. lets just be it. still thank you for inviting and the opportunity. it has been awhile since revisiting 7cups. i wonder if it is because i paused again after a weeks' of bh therapy. i wondered again if i made the wrong move and "wasted" money again. i wonder if this is just going to end up with another rant thread. still nevertheless, i am happy that i get to type if out here. at least. i hope it doesn't get wiped by moderators. Anyways this will just be the entry for now. PS : And yea, my used to "health problems" are still there. despite the weight "gain" now. and being complacent lazier?
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Just one entry
Journals & Diaries / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 May 18th, 2021
...See more I dont really know where to write, what to write. I used to. Don't feel like i should be writing at my original thread, blog, phone, mind, whatever. But I will still keep a copy in my phone. ------------------- I feel totally trapped. Not wanting to wake up. Everything's so hard. Balancing everything. Nothing makes sense anymore. I know, life is a journey. Everything, Everyday, whatever is a experience. A brand new one it is. But I can't accept it. I can't face it. I am exhausted. Trying to figure out, trying to fix, trying to ask, trying to seek. ------------------ I already lost so many things. I don't really mind losing them. Since I have lost so many. I even lost myself, I never want to exist anymore. But its such a struggle to not want to exist. Because the mind kept playing internal pros and cons warfare game. This is just pure torment. ------------------ I hurt so many people. It is tough to see them in pain. I kept so long within myself not letting go, being afraid of hurting others. But never I knew that actually, how much it meant to others. ------------------- What about myself. Should I really help myself, or should I continue to hurt/damage myself further. It is already in a battered state. Might as well right? I know, never stop trying, but its just difficult. It is already so tiring to keep up. I duno. Honest. I don't. -------------------- Forget it, I'm tired.
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7cups Online Therapy
7 Cups Online Therapy / by mikenaiwc
Last post
 March 15th, 2019
...See more Following up on my original thread query. I am having second thoughts about committing using my account. - any concerns if i create a temp account to try out? (I do not know if it breaches any T&Cs) ---------- I understand that there is a trial of 3 days for 7cups online therapy. But i do not know if it is long enough, and/or if it fits me, and/or if things will even work out first... Having very anxious thoughts especially dealing with money... and unwillinginess to let go. Is there any options for exploring/discussing possibility of "free/subsidised" service.
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