What should I do?
What is the best course of action for somebody who feels suicidal but can't use suicide hotlines?
I've been depressed for almost a decade and I often have suicidal thoughts, but recently I've been finding them much more difficult to cope with. I feel torn, sometimes I want to die, sometimes the thoughts scare me, but I think I'm coming closer to a concrete 'plan'. I have some ideas in mind for how I could kill myself and I'm worried that I might act on them soon.
The problem is, I can't use suicide hotlines. I'm a selective mute: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism. Every time I try to phone the line, I end up unable to speak. It's quite frustrating, and it also means that I can't follow the standard advice that is given to every suicidal person.
I've previously sought medical help for my depression, specifically medication (SSRIs), counselling and therapy (CBT) but none of these things were useful to me.
I'm really not sure what I should do. I have no idea how to keep my depressive and suicidal thoughts at bay. I feel sick that I've had to deal with them for so long and I'm worried that it might be getting worse.
For the record, I have no friends, and there's nobody I can really talk to about these thoughts. What should I do?
I probably should have posted this in crisis support. Oh well.
Hey @Ghost92 you can use online crisis support services like the one available athttps://nationalsuicidepreventionlifeline.orghope this helps hang in there!
I'm afraid I can't use that service, I'm not in the US.
What country are you in? Check out suicide.org, there are bunches of good resources there. Also check this outhttps://unsuicide.wikispaces.com/
I'm in the UK.
This one has a text or email option (for "young people"- not sure how old you are?) -https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
If I find anything else I'll let you know!
They don't have an online talk service yet, but the Samaritans have an email service you can use by sending a message tojo@samaritans.org. I found that typing my thoughts in an email to them really helped me when I was at my lowest, even if their repsonse wasn't particularly great.
Depending on / if there's a known reason for your depression there might be other online services you can use too - that are available in the UK.
At any time you can walk into your A&E and just say you'd like help with suicidal thoughts. You can even just sit in the waiting room if that's enough to get you through a dark time.
I understand those type of long term issues and thoughts and plans. They are really really scary especially when you feel closer to acting on them. I can't use suicide hot lines for different reasons. I wish it were possible to have live online chats with trained counsellors/therapists that didn't cost a fortune. I had quite a negative experience of A&E following me taking a non lethal overdose. The nursing staff showed no sympathy and I was made to feel like a time waster. The crisis team sent me away telling me to continue taking the tablets I had just overdosed on! It was actually a locum GP the following morning than raised the alarm and I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I'm sorry I can't offer you help but just know that I understand.
@ghost92. You are welcome to send me a message to chat online anytime. Although it's not professional long term therapy or the same kind of support a hotline could offer you, I am happy to listen. I too have struggled with suicidal thoughts in my past and have even attempted several times. Please feel free to reach out to me.
~Angel
