Worrying about having purpose leading to depression?

I've always considered myself to be very "Type A". I want to be on top of things and feel like I'm in control of situations and that people recognize all the effort I put into things. The only issue is, right now I'm not doing anything. All of my talents are things that are good in person - I do lots of work for my lab in college, and that's what I spend 99% of my time doing. Being stubbornly invested in what I care about is how I accomplished what I have in school. But now that we are all at home, I can't be involved. There is plenty I want to do to help, but going out in person isn't safe, since I live with someone who is severely immunocompromised and could have a very bad reaction to this disease. I want to volunteer, but everything in person is off limits and no one online needs any help. I want to look at graduate schools but who knows how the landscape of education is going to look in the next few months, let alone a year. I want to go be active in BLM protests to aid the community, but once again it isn't safe for my partner. I keep searching for things to do, things to be good at, things to excel in, or a purpose during all of this mess, but every single time I fail to find those things, and it makes me feel really, really horrible about myself. I've been having very negative self talk, I've been crying more often and for no reason, I have huge bouts of rage at myself, and I'm lethargic and don't feel hungry. I'm really worried I'm getting depressed, beyond anything I've ever felt before, and I don't have the money to access therapy. And a bad situation from my past at school is now coming into play too, which makes me feel really out of control about when things do reopen and getting sucked back into that situation. All of this has culminated in me feeling really burnt out. Like I have no purpose, no drive, no motivation, just emotionally exhausted, and it makes me spiral into thinking I'm a bad person even more, and being angry at myself, because for me and for people in my family, we're always doing something. I have hobbies, but those won't take me where I want to go in my future and career, and where I want to go is starting to feel unreachable. How do I ground myself and remind myself I have any worth? How can I find things that I can accomplish right now, during a worldwide health crisis and civil unrest, so I don't feel so small and insignificant? And if I can't find these things, how can I not absolutely hate myself? And if anyone has any experience with any of this, what do you do?