You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I mean I know what is wrong with me, literally everything, but there is something greater I just can't fix. I hate myself so much. More than anyone else. If I could just leave my body and torture myself to death I would love every second of it. I am a literal pile of human garbage. And I feel so bad for my parents. I know how happy they both were that they were having a daughter and I guess for a while they were happy with me, but for years now the disgust and regret in their eyes has been so obvious. My mother has even straight out told me her daughter is gone. I honestly wish people would know that I am aware of how awful I am. I am terrified of coming off as confident because I do not deserve that in any way and I am aware. I hurt everyone around me. I begin relationships, platonic and romantic, and once things get too emotional or too much to handle I flake. It absolutely disgusts me thinking about how many people I've hurt throughout my life. I believe everyone has something beautiful about them, but I am one of those rare cases where I'm just a horrendous person inside out. It's as if everyone around me is begging for me to end it, but simultaneously telling me how cowardly suicide is. I have no idea what to do.
This is a mess I know and it's also way longer than it should be, but I just needed to rant.
@whiteWalls3355
I really resonate with what you said, the self hatred and feeling like everything is telling you to end it while also telling you that suicide is not an option. I know that everybody tells me to treat myself as a friend but I don't want to be my friend. I don't like myself and I constantly ask myself why I'm like this. I'm sorry I don't have the answers for us. I just want to sign on to my life but it's so hard.
I'm so stupid I don't know how to even begin to put my feelings into words. I can't get help because I don't know how to ask for it. I don't know what to say. How can you be helped if you're too stupid to even know how to ask for it? I'm hopeless.
@tluper6491
youre already taking a huge step by posting here. It takes a lot of work to be able to talk about things and I
@Boppa2004
I'm not able to talk about things. I don't know what to say.
@tluper6491You're not stupid. Asking for help is hard, especially with depression, because your brain convinces you that you don't really need it, or that you don't deserve it. You're doing a really brave thing by posting here.
Is writing what you're feeling easier than talking about it for you? Maybe it would be easier to write to someone than to ask in person or over the phone.
@BlueBetta
None of it is easy. Even this post wasn't easy to do.
@tluper6491 That's okay. Asking for help is hard for a lot of people. But you did it anyway, even though it's hard for you. That's really good!
It was extremely annoying to find someone I had been corresponding with clearly didn't read my emails and displayed communication issues with myself and a third party.
To be fair I didn't lose anything (no money, didn't even have to leave my place since we didn't progress to agreeing to meet in person) except I guess time but I had been very excited to meet this person. At this point I've mostly accepted that it's a lost cause and there are plenty of other opportunities but this really could have been a great one.
At the same time, I'm not sure I'd want to enter into business with someone who displays such poor communication issues and lack of attention to detail. They're busy and the third party is also busy with other obligations but it seems it wasn't important enough. Oh well.
Everything
I feel like my life is slowly falling apart. I
I feel like my life has just been a waste at this point. I
@RecoveringFlower I know several people who are facing the same thing you are. You are strong. You can make it through this. I've had depression for 8 years now and ya it seems pretty hopeless but guess what? You are capable of handling way more than you think you can. It seems useless but you have more purpose in your life than you may see right now. Even if it's just helping somebody. You never know they could be on the verge of being homicidal but you saved their mind and saved them and the person they were going to kill. Keep going. I believe in you.
My life is full of pain. I have chronic knee pain. I have depression, anxiety, bulimia, PTSD (from more than one experience, sadly), ADHD, insomnia, and I come from a family with no love. Sometimes everything seems hopeless. Sometimes I feel useless and pointless and that I would be better off dead. I keep having flashbacks and purging and cutting and breaking down, having panic attacks. I feel like a ball of emotions, not a real person. I'm God's joke. But then he holds me and tells me it's going to be ok. And for a little bit I have hope and I can believe in love and I can breathe again. And I'm just really grateful for places like this with people that really do care. I'm grateful that even if I am God's entertainment, at least I serve some purpose. At least I bring God that joy. Sometimes I feel like my world is collapsing on top of me, and I'm not strong enough to hold it up. Then I pray to my God and find that there's strength there that wasn't there before. I'm sorry that I can't keep religion out of this, but this is who I am. I just needed to get this all out in a place that maybe nobody will read it, maybe somebody will. Maybe somebody will hate on it, but it could also really help somebody. I've tried to kill myself more times than I've tried to save myself. But recently I've been saving myself more than destroying myself so I think I'm making progress and I hope I can help somebody achieve the same.
@YourQueen33 It sounds like you are making progress. I hope things continue to get better for you!
@BlueBetta Thank you. Same to you.
I've been depressed since I was 14, I'm 20 now. I can enjoy things and more often than not I prefer doing things to distract myself. I try to do things with friends, focus on class, I constantly have tv on so that I don't have to be alone with my thoughts. I feel sad and empty and angry. I'm such a shitty person. Lately I've been trying to drink my thoughts away. A couple of weeks ago I got blacked out drunk went to my room cried for a while, went back to my friends sucked it up and pretended nothing happend, later I told them I wanted to go to bed so I left but my best friend follwed me back. I dont remember what happened next but I remember waking up and him being next to me. I was still pretty drunk and I got out of bed, grabbed a knife and he asked what I had. He thought they were pills. I wanted to go into the bathroom but he grabbed it out of my hand and just held me as I completely broke down. The kind of cry where every bit of you hurts and you can't breathe. I've only hurt myself once when I was 14 after I had an awful night that made me realize I was a terrible person, so that night had been the worst its been in a while. Recently I havently been able to control myself. I drink heavily, I think of hurting myself regularly, I say extremely hurtful things to people that are just trying to care for me, and I just hate myself. I feel I'm not good enough for anyone and I don't want to be a burden but it's never been this hard to deal with it. I can't handle it anymore and I don't know why or how come its getting this bad. I want to get one thing off my chest but I know I am an awful person for it so I know it'll be a weight on myself forever. I just want to be happy with myself because I believe if youre happy and doing your own thing, things will just naturally fall into place but I can't.
Can i please just sleep my problems away? I have tried so many coping mechanisms but none works
Perhaps i just need a friend :(
@adiaryofthoughts That's a problem for a lot of people. I hope you find a friend soon.
Idk what's wrong with me. I just don't understand. Why me? Why did I have to be given this life in this country? It's a great life but what did I do to deserve this? What did I do to deserve this family and the friends I have? I'm literally a slob. I don't work, I fail most of my classes, idek how I'm still in the academy at my school. I have all of these great people in my life and all I want to do is run away from it all to be the failure I am. Where I don't have to disappoint these people I my life. And it hurts me reading some of these posts and thinking how much one of you would benefit from one of these people. I have all of these people rooting for me, to do the best for myself, and I can't even muster up the strength to do my homework. I feel like such a horrible person for just wanting to push these people away, like I don't appreciate these people who have been put in my life. I wish they all just had nothing to do with me in the first place. Idk, idek what I'm saying or doing anymore, I'm so confused. I'm so tired.
@calmPineapple8469 Welcome to 7 cups! I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. Depression can make us not want to do anything and push away the people who matter. It sounds like you have very supportive people in your life. That's really good. Have you told them how you've been feeling? It sounds like they'd want you to feel better. Even though it might not feel like it, you deserve help too.