You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
I hate myself so much
@ThePizza well i personally love pizza
I feel terrible about my body today
I'm 32 now. Back to when I was in 6th grade, there was this one girl of which we said we'd be best friends for life. When high school came, we ended up attending different high schools. That was okay, we still got together every other weekend or so. Then came University. She stayed in town, as I accepted at a University that was a 12hr drive away. I was away for a year before I returned home. Only to find out that my family was moving. So, we were separated again. During her senior year in high school, she met a guy, a year older. They ended up attending the same University and had continued dating. So, back to us. I had moved about an hour drive away from her, in another city. We met maybe once a month or less. I had moved for 7 years. When my dad retired, we moved back into our hometown. It's been 3 years now. For my first year back, I had felt that our friendship didn't actually exist anymore. So, one day, I had asked her out and told her that I wanted to end our best friend status and just become acquaintances. Ever since then, we only message each other during holidays and birthdays. Actually this year, she didn't even message me for my birthday. I messaged her yesterday for hers and at the same time asked if she's having a baby yet. (She had been dating that same guy since highschool and got married a couple of years ago). She replied this morning by saying she's due by end of May!
I just wanted to share, that this childhood "friend" of mine, although I had broken our friendship, I still want to cherish the memories we had back then. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, and it's not like I'll be asking her either. You might wonder why I wanted to cut ties to our friendship. During the entire time that we were "best friends", I had to initiate for everything that we do. I'm always the one to message her and ask when she's free to hang out, always the one to ask her how's life, always the one who makes the move. I guess I can say, after so many years, I got tired of it. I felt that friendships should be a two-way thing. I don't want to always be the one asking her out, for once, I hoped she had contacted me first. And there were one too many times, where she cancelled at the last minute. Last minute, as when I'm already at the place where we'd say we'd meet at, and then she calls to say she can't make it.
Back then, I thought we'd be friends for life. Now, I have no friends at all. No one that I can call up and chat with, no one to hang out with on the weekends, no one to share my deep, inner feelings with. Just nobody there for me when I need the support. Thinking back though, I never really got much support at all, whether it be that friend back then, or from my family. I guess that's how I ended up with depression and self-harm. I'm a lot better now, been off medication for the last 3 years, like all people who suffer from depression, I'm going to be living with it for the rest of my life. Even if it's something that I don't deal with on a daily-basis now, there are still ups and downs. It usually gets worse around my birthday. Two weeks prior and two weeks after my birthday. It also gets worse whenever my parents go on vacation. They have a cruise coming up and will be gone for 3 weeks. Only difference this time, is my brother might be staying over during the weekends with his dog. We'll see how it goes, they are leaving on the 15th~
I feel so disgusted with myself all the time. People think of me as athletic, because I
@ThePizza I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but rolls are healthy and aren't realted to weight alone your skin has to flex and stretch and without rolls our skin would be too tight to actually move which would result in it tearing. Rolls allow for safe and healthy movement. And I would say, not being able to see what you actaully look like, if you swim and do it regularly you must get a fair amount of exercise which even if you eat a lot (Which it seems you said you don't?) regular exercise helps. I myself eat just because stuff tastes good too! It's fun, it's why stuff tastes good, and if you exercise regularly you can do that happily. Restricting your diet can be very harmful to you and I wouldn't recommend it. Oh and as for your thighs rubbing together I'd say that's a very normal thing, I've worked at a beach shack (Selling aloe, sun screen, etc) and you would be surprised the sheer number of people buying aloe for their legs rubbing together in swimsuits, toooons of them. One thing someone once told me, your thighs rub together because they love you and want a hug! Ridiculous as it sounds it came from a french friend of mine, who didn't speak great english and it actually helped me begin to feel better about my weight. Which I weighed 290 pounds if that tells you anything.
I actually havent heard that before. Knowing does help a little @JimmyChristmas1397
@ThePizza Hey! I understand. I am pear shaped so I have all the same fat as you do. I understand about your thighs and everything on your lower body. But you have to embrace it and be confident. Its the only body you are gonna get.
What should I do if I dread going to shower? It takes effort to get my things to go into the shared bathroom. And I feel lonely in it. Ive tried bringing a blue tooth waterproof speaker but recently I feel that Ive listened to all the radios and have watched everything on Youtube.
@hkblue128 I know this is probably only a short term solution, but have you ever tried any podcasts? There are informational ones, podcasts that talk about games, and podcasts that tell stories... We could probably find one you'd like. Do you think something like that might help?
@hkblue128 I know this is probably only a short term solution, but have you ever tried any podcasts? There are informational ones, podcasts that talk about games, and podcasts that tell stories... We could probably find one you'd like. Do you think something like that might help?
School is about to end in like two months. Time runs so fast and as I get closer to summer I feel more and more lonely. I know that there is some future plans that are defined and scheduled and all that. Things that I don't really have to worry about, at least not very much. But it looks like I'm slowly getting to the end of my life. Like I don't even know what to do. I understand that I need to study, I always liked to read and do stuff that is close to science. But I feel like I don't deserve living. Like I only wait to disappoint my parents enough that they won't be sad when I'll die.
I feel a lot like a burden. No one would like to be my best friend or a partner. I don't even get to close to people so my presence won't bother them too much. Whenever I think like I should go and talk to someone, engage in a new relationship something stops me midway. It tells me that I souldn't that I'm not worthy that those people are nice and don't deserve to have their day ruined by me. I feel guilty for my existing.
Whenever I feel slightly good about myself it doesn't last long. There's always either a reflection or a photo of me that makes my disgust with myself. I don't want to leave my room so that people won't see such abomination. And at the same time I'm so desperate to be needed, to be loved. I feel sick of it.
@eugenNerd
Speaking as someone who has stayed in his own lane having just a TINY handful of friends throughout my life, always leaning on the comfort of isolation and feeling unworthy to be in the presence of others, I can relate to an extent here. However, just recently, after making the giant leap of faith into becoming a Christian and learning that I am indeed worthy to be amongst others, everything started to change profoundly.
No, this isn't me trying to get you to join a religion or anything, but what I do want to highlight for you is what I learned that helped me BIG TIME. Here it is, and simply put, "feeling underserved, insufficient, useless, and unworthy are just lies being thrown into your heart. I'll try my best not to use terms like "the enemy" and so forth as to not raise any religious red flags and approach this carefully as a human issue. If you feel unworthy to be amongst others, then I ask you (and I should've asked myself this for 20 years), "Why?". Why should you feel that way? What or who has told you that you are indeed underserving and unworthy to be amongst others? Do they speak for your life and soul? Do they represent everything in the world? The answer to that is simply "No".
Take the time to reflect on yourself and truly ask yourself "Why would I be unworthy to be amongst others?". Also, ask yourself if perhaps the people in your surroundings are worth the self destructive thoughts that are planted inside of your mind. I want you to soak in this simple fact that everyone who is alive and will be alive in the future should take in deeply...NO ONE IS WORTH MORE THAN YOU AND VICE VERSA". The guy next door, the guy in school, the girl behind the counter at Starbucks, everyone is living under the same roof that is the Earth's atmosphere breathing, eating, drinking, and living out their days.
Remember that. Combat those lies that are in your mind and heart about being beneath everyone as it is simply not true. Take it from someone liike myself who has felt that way for as long as I can remember only now realizing the truth. You just have to be much more aware of who you throw yourself towards, your expectations of the world, the fact that there is much more that the world has to offer you down the line that you can't even imagine or percieve (but you must be able to boldly reach out and grab it). What I've learned about myself is that I've been holding myself back and throwing myself into a corner for years just because I felt like an unattractive idiot amongst intellgent informed supermodels (I had a pretty twisted view of myself and the world).
Now, that I've decided to boldly break out of that mentality and reach out to the world with a newfound sensibility, life has since felt much more engaging and intriguing. Step out of your cage of lies my friend for you are free. You've been free this entire time and you didn't even know it. Don't let your surroundings corrupt your self image. Take a well deserved deep and geuine look at yourself without assumptions or surrounding distractions. If there is some serious self work that needs to be done, then make that your priority (never go rushing outin to the world blindly hoping for acceptance or approval if you're not even 100% comfortable with yourself as an individual).
Anyway, hope this long winded response helps somewhat as I've also had similat troubles in the not so distant past. Trust me, it gets easier the more you strip away the lies of unworthiness.
@SaleemF
Hello and thank you for your long and kind responce. As you cleverly pointed out I did think this was an another way of getting people into joining religion. But you proved me wrong and I'm glad about it.
Your reply made me rethink some of the tnigs again. I'm not saing your word comepletely cahnged me worldview or something as big as that, I've already asked myself simillar questions. But what's important is I always gave them the same self-deprecation answer. And that I think is if not the root of my problem but a very important part of it indeed. When you rot in self-hatered for long enough you just kinda forget how to treat yourself in a good way. If you start being bad to yourself as a kid you never really stop, at least it was that way for me. I know that I can take over it in some time, I just don't have the reason to.
I really like to stumble upon messages like yours. It breathes hope for the future without sounding forced or fake. Thank you for this. I try to be better but I can't promise anything about it even myself. So I'll just say that I'm happy to see that in my time line.
(And that line "never go rushing outin to the world blindly hoping for acceptance or approval if you're not even 100% comfortable with yourself as an individual" is maybe obvious but it's really sparks something meaningful)
@eugenNerd
You have absolutely no idea how happy this makes me feel. Hope my friend in your particular situation is the first spark that leads to new and promising beginnings. Just the mere fact that you're considering and thinking about it shows me how strong you are deep down. Keep that spark alive, but even moreso, keep fanning it until it explodes into a burst of confidence with time, patience, and carefulness. You're on a journey Eugen. Remember that. It's up to you to decide to stop and end it as everyone else has that choice, but those who do completely miss out on the INCREDIBLE and beautiful reward awaiting them down that path.
I almost ended mine...I can't tell you how happy I am that I decided not to.
@eugenNerd One thing I've heard recently is that if you can't love yourself, start by just accepting yourself and tolerating yourself.
They suggested stopping "I'm worthless" thoughts with something like "I'm a person, and people deserve respect".
Here's the whole post if you're interested. I know Tumblr isn't really the best place, but a lot of people there do have some good mental health advice.
@BlueBetta that's a helpfull post thank you. And yeah sometimes tumblr can preach unhealthy behaviors but there still can be wholesome stuff like that
Everybody has these awful problems like being raped or being in a shooting and just awful things. Then, I'm over here struggling with not even that bad anxiety. I feel like everybody hates me or I'm annoying even if they've done nothing to suggest it. Although, I don't even feel that right now since it's Spring Break. I'm just bored and an attention-seeker, lying about my problems. I go in these group chats and make up these stories of terrible things that have happened to me.
Hey there. My name is Jo, i
@dreamyspiice I'm sorry about that. It sounds like it's been really hard.
I'll just start by saying, that if you might want to talk to a therapist about this if you haven't already. To me it sounds like you have a lot of anxiety, and they'll be able to help you know how to manage that.
I'm someone who's always loved having my time alone, so I guess I can't really understand when you say it bothers you. but I do understand not having a lot of friends.
The problem is, you can't really go out and expect people to approach you wanting to be friends- at least not outside of school. It'll be important to go out and talk to people at some point. If you're not there yet that's okay. What's helped for me is to find smaller social situations that feel a bit safer. In high school a church small group was really helpful to me, and got me to be a bit more social, and a therapy small group did the same thing recently.
You mentioned not really having hobbies... One thing I can suggest, turn those things you like to do- singing and dancing into a hobby. Maybe you could join a choir or a dance class and start talking to girls there if guys make you freeze up. That way you'd be doing things as a group. It's a lot harder to feel alone when you have 20-50 people singing with you. You might make friends there too.
Don't worry about finding a boyfriend right now. Society tells us that we're worthless without a partner, but that's just not true. A boyfriend won't fix the problem. It's important to feel secure in yourself, and know what you want out of a relationship before you start doing that.
Start with the things that are least scary for you. Things can get better, but you'll probably have to work at it.
I hope this helped, or at least gave you some ideas. let me know what you think.
Hi, I'm stuck. That's not my name, it's just the way I feel. I've been through quite a few traumatic events in just the 4 short years from 19 to 23. This didn't make me depressed but certainly didn't help it. I really only want to talk about one event though: my nearly-3-year-long relationship. I'm in love, truly am. I'm pretty positive I'll never meet anyone quite as interesting, wonderful, and good for me as he is. However, there is a very twisted part to it all. When we fight, which is almost every day, it is awful. He calls me horrible names, says I'm stupid, says he doesn't care about me, says I should leave and "get my own life". There are other things, however; I only care to talk about how we fight, since we just got in one, and I was called stupid. Ultimately I don't really know what to do, seeing as I'm completely in love with this person, I moved my whole life to be with them, I have absolutely ZERO friends and ZERO people I communicate to regularly, and my parents and I no longer have a good relationship (But that's a whole other story). Needless to say, none of this is good for my depression or my anxiety. But overall I feel like my life would never be the same with or without him. So, I'm stuck.
you know... I really wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be 15 again. Or maybe just start it all over. I never feel an urge to end what is, but I always feel the urge to just be something else. Somewhere else.
@atl13 Please talk to someone in real life about this. Fine someone you trust who's not your boyfriend.
I know I don't know the whole story, but this is really sounding like he might be abusing you, at least emotionally.
This might be way off base, but you deserve someone who you don't fight with all the time. That's not healthy. Especially if he's calling you names. Even more if he's getting violent. I know you didn't mention anything about that, but you should keep it in mind.
But one thing abusers often try to do is keep the people they abuse isolated. Make friends if you can. Get some outside prospective from someone who knows you and isn't a random stranger on the internet.
And if he's trying to control anything about when you talk to other people, that's a huge red flag. You deserve someoene better than that.
Please be careful
@BlueBetta
This is a great forum idea/theme. Okay so I often get stuck in thinking that Im stuck. The rut is believing Im unable to successfully get out of my rut, do things different, new, better, to improve my overall happiness and sense of self improvement. Thats on my low days. Fortunately not everyday is like that.
@JasonfromUSA
THe most important thing about getting trapped is your will and decision to pull yourself out or, if the case calls for it at times, asking others who you can trust for help to get out of said situation.