You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
My hands always freeze, when I want to do something creative, I cannot write a single line of code even though I have 2 years of programming experience. I failed at my High School final intentionally on every subject except CS and because I hated Chemistry, I scored 1(exactly). I want to learn drawing create games, but I cannot start even though I know exactly what I need to do. I participated in this year Global Game Jam and I met many wonderful people and even got to share contact with few also created a game(It is a long story What I really created.) but I did it alone which was not meant to be.
I have no plans of giving High school finals again cause hate it(really). I know I can learn many skills from the Internet and become an Independent creator. I know the way but I cannot start.
That Game Jam I'm talking about, I was not able to write a single line of code, even though I knew what I need to write. It was like less than20Hr before the end of Jam, I thought I cannot leave things be and create a game without coding just a retro one.
After Global Game Jam, which happens at the end of January this year, I haven't created a single thing(ok except 1, I created my first full body 3d model).
I just want to start but there are so many things I can start my hand freeze, just thinking about it.
Sorry if it is the wrong place to post it.
@thisismypokerface
I personally find that doing random stuff, making a system to get random ideas, and just starting with those gets the mind going.
Like if you need to make a story, you get to the keyboard and your hand freezes. I like to go to writing prompts online and just start typing whatever bad junk pops into my head.
Eventually I start getting ideas for the writing I'm supposed to be doing, then I switch back to the task and find my hands have unfrozen.
I'm talking about writers block, but I think you might be able to adapt it to your situation. Hope this helps! Have a lovely day/night!
i am in that stage of my life where i feel like i did things intentionally but still sad ..i couldn't make it to my dream college somewhere i know such things doesn't matter you can always go to any place you want . i didn't study intetionally cause i was thinking that it's boring plus it was quite meaninless to me for preapering for entrance exam because inside i want to go somewhere but my ego is taking somewhere else. i feel like i am my biggest enemy cause i can't decide and my self doubt which is not making me free. life is limitless when you make yourself free from all typical and negative thoughts.
I have so much in my heart and no one to talk too... The person I love left me and is living happily. I feel so lost and confused. I feel empty inside. Every time I do something it takes a turn to the worse. Nothing works out for me. Everything that I want or need I have to work extra hard for it. I feel so tired of my life and everything it has given me. I feel so alone and sad. I dnt know how to help myself anymore. People just use me for their own benefits and show no care for my feelings. The person who broke me I feel like throwing all my anger at him and showing him how much he has hurt me. I feel no joy or happiness in things that used to make me happy...I feel broken from within. Too broken to function anymore.
I have an online friend going through hard times. I do this a lot. I make online friends because I can't do it in real life. I just wish I could help in person. I wish it was easier. I just can't help everybody and it's so difficult. I don't want anybody to feel this hurt inside that I do.
Past few weeks have been pretty good. This week I was feeling great esp with school, until I found out my Dad started work at 7pm last night, its now 11.22pm and he hasnt returned cos he worked all night last night, all day today and most likely all night tonight then all day tomorrow then tomorrow night he'll return to rest but he'll be hitting work again the next day. I know hes fully capable of it but I can just feel my depression revealing itself knowing he works his ass off to fend for the family and Im just so hopeless. I feel so guilty and sad because hes sacrifcing himself and is literally soo tired rn. I owe the world to my parents. On top of that I feel so ashamed of myself because I know he pays for my school fees yet Im intentionally not reaching my full potential at school.
I'm so stupid... I just signed something a scammer handned me and showed him an energy bill, and now my husband's having to deal with it. I really shouldn't have signed it.
I know I've depression or bipolar, something like that but no one thinks I do. I mean, it's clear but no one else sees it! No one believed me years ago when I was 11 yet not looking after myself and self-harming along with feeling suicidal. No one believed me then and even up to this day, no one believes me. Since then, I've ended up in a psychiatric hospital after multiple out of the ordinary episodes of drinking a lot of alcohol, self-harming again, running away, suicide attempts, not going into school despite upcoming exams, constantly telling my carers I feel depressed to just be told I shouldn't because my life is good, not showering and distancing myself from the people I love most. Well only that has happened since MARCH. In only just over 3 months, all of that has happened yet I still have nothing wrong with me. I don't want to be labelled or anything, I don't want to be viewed differently, I just need to know people understand what I have, maybe get some meds for when I need them idk.
@CourtneyS2003
Courtney, I don't know your entire story, so I'll try to be sensitive with what I say here due to my ignorance towards your situation. Going by the last thing you said "I dont' want to be labeled as anything. I just want people to know what I have." I want you to understand something very crucial about that mentality. I've lived my entire life having mental problems, yet never having an official label for it and people just treat me regularly or just the "weird guy". Guess what? That's 100% fine and you know why? The most important person in this world who really needs to know what's going on with me...is me. To want others to "just know something is wrong with you" is only an important situation if you actually do have an officially labeled "issue" that comes with a warning label attached to it when dealing with social interactions of any kind.
In other words, if you officially found out you had a mental problem that involves the potential of possibly physically attacking someone if you go through a random mood swing, THAT's the type of stuff that you would want others to "just know someing is up with you". But if personally know you function fine enough with people and the world and is just going through lots of inner turmoil, you have to focus more on the priority issue....you. Heal you. Speak to professionals who can help aid you and forget for now about "I want people to understand that I have a problem" as that can easily come across as a cry for attention in disguise (even if it's not). The point is, put all focus on healing and leave the external stuff (people's opinions) to the side.
Not sure where your beliefs lie, but may want to consider asking God to help you with this in prayer. Even the most chaotic mind like my own has spoken to God for He is the only that i know can filter through all of my conflicting thoughts and go straight to my heart for what my truest and deepest intentions are. Sounds to me like you have a closet full of skeletons that needs sorting out. Find the root of the problem and go from there, but DO NOT DO THIS ALONE! Turn to God, turn to the professionals, and do not try to self diagnose yourself. Trust me, it gets you nowhere truthfully in certain situations.
Focus...on your healing and nothing more. That is your task Courtney. May your mind, body, and spirit be healed with clarity and peace. This is what I'll pray for you, but I'd like for you to take this to God whether or not you can go to a therapist anytme soon.
When I was 10 I learned that there is no good in this world. Throughout my life whenever anything positive happens in my life and i start feeling anything but hopelessness something horrible happens or the people who I have dedicated everything to start to tear me apart. Over and over again. I give everything of myself, I never do anything for myself. I put others first and care deeply about others and and animals and the environment etc. I have dedicated my life to helping but not once in my life have I met a human being who can treat me like more than shit on their shoe. I used to think maybe god is making me strong and is testing my faith....but now I just feel done. Broken. I dont have anything left to give
@Lilecho
As someone who started their spiritual journey a few months back after borderline suicidal thoughts led to God literally giving me a choice to choose Him or Death, I feel I was nudged into your direction for a reason. If you feel God has been testing your faith, yet doubt is starting to fill your headspace and heart, where do you think such doubt would come from? If you have genuinely (not forceibly) honored God with your works in life, your heart, your time, etc. If you have confessed your sins to the Lord asking for forgiveness and to purify you as to be saved from damnation. If you have seen how fallen and corrupt the world is and that only through our Lord, may you find salvation. If you have done all of this from the deepest core of your very being and you have done so every day to the truest best of your ability hiding nothing from the Lord in your heart.
Then I tell you that God has and has always had plans for you in your faith friend. God has a journey in mind for you. The suffering that you claim to take from others whereas you only dish out love to them...does this not sound familiar with certain iconic biblical figures? God has His reasons to test each and every one of us in various unique to us ways, but know that is for good reason. God knows you better than you do as He does for me. My faith was slipping in and out and God tested me constantly making me hit my limits in stress and pain so that I may learn over and over that I couldn't overcome my problems on my own (He showed me that I had a pride problem deep down that i didn't want to admit). It took breaking me down into a million pieces to see that I was indeed broken and needed Him to piece me back together in a stronger and better form.
This is what the Lord may be doing for you friend. He may be testing you as to reveal something within you (possibly a problem that seriously needs fixing that you may not be fully aware of) or perhaps something else (maybe a strength that you didn't know you possess). The point is, we must trust God in His ways knowing that He only wants the best for us. Speak to God in these times. Ask the Lord of your conflicts. Be very open to Him. Over the course of just 3-4 months, God has revealed to me several mind blowing and eye opening revelations about myself, but this did not come in simple conversation with God. No. This came through both sufferings and blessings. See what God is doing for you, but make sure the answers come from Him and not your very own thoughts and speculations as the Devil LOVES to exploit our mind whereas God speaks to our heart.
I'll pray for you friend.
i am always afraid, and i excessively care about what people would say about me. I have so many big dreams and i dont think i will ever find peace if i didnt pursue them. Because they make my life matter. But i always find myself doing all that prevents me from making my dreams come true. Time goes so fast and im stuck i feel as if people naturally go on and move on. But i cannot. I wanna be me but im afraid im so much afraid and im afraid of myself
i moved a year ago from california to texas and its been hard making friends here. i used to always be an outgoing extroverted person but its a suburban small neighborhood here where everyone knows each other, instead of a big city fluid environment im used to. obviously this isnt the cause of my depression because even in la i had episodes, however that was because of my gender and sexuality the year i came out to myself, and i had an amazing accepting group of friends to help me through it. but here its because i feel so alone. the friends i made were through being funny so i couldnt really talk about anything serious or personal with them. either that or they were borderline racists i was forced to be friendly with for no other reason than it would help me avoid being antisocial in every class (im in mostly honors, which means im usually the only Black person there). even my teachers were shitty - there was one i liked but she quit halfway through the year, so that tells you how my luck goes. luckily the years over and im going to high school in the fall surrounded by a bunch of new people, and the only person coming to the same school as me is the one friend i really care about. but i have an unshakable feeling that things are going to get worse somehow.
thats kinda the tip of the iceberg. theres also a whole lot of survivors guilt from moving that i need to unpack, but i just wanted to get that off my chest. thanks for reading.
