You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
i just finished wrote my will.
i know i probably will do just this far coz i am a coward. that letter probably will be burned after few days.
its almost a year now since i can function normally. my life is a mess, i disconnect myself from world and spend my days alone and not talking to anyone. i read books, watching dramas, playing game just to kill time but not really enjoy them as i used to be. i used my last savings 2 months ago and now i am just trying to eat less and do less. when i tell my " friend" abt my struggle they think its just something like usual coz I've been talking abt it for years. i really want to get better but i dont know how. i am running out choice.. today i even avoid talking with the only person who still checking up on me, i am so tired.
I cant Focus on my homework and I put all of it off, but then when I get close to the deadline I freak out and shut down, and I dont know what to do. It is 4:00 am and my homework is due today and I dont have it done and I cant even get started.
Lately I've been having a hard time wanting to keep going. I was never a popular kid in school but after I had met my best friend in middle school I completely neglected any meaningful relationship I had while just following in his shadow. If I had to sum it up fast it was kid bakugo and deku in real life. We had a falling out around 5 months ago and I'm content that our friendship has ended, but at the same time I've found that our friendship was the only thing I had driving me to become better. I moved in with my current roommates at the same time at first we were really good friends but lately I don't feel like we're friends anymore, I mostly blame it on myself with no reason "You probably said something to make them hate you, great job bro." Like, we used to hangout every weekend now I'm lucky if we have a meaningful conversation in passing. Not long ago I hooked up with a girl through my current roommates (disclaimer 22yr old virgin, never had a girlfriend.) I couldn't perform to save my soul, but it seemed like she actually liked me so I tried not to have my usual "wtf is going to go wrong this time." mindset. I noticed she started declining to hang out and eventually she told me she just wasn't into me. I've been having a hard time shaking off these last 6 months and I'm starting to believe that there's something just wrong with me, I can't relate to anybody and everything has become uninteresting. Thank you for listening to my 2 cents <3
I have been pretty seriously depressed since I can remember. I was on lexapro for a few years and when it stopped working the doctors switched me to Prozac which left me feeling absolutely terrible. Now I take nothing. Physical exercise induces a state of panic and meditation left me suicidal (I generally find the present moment problematic). I have severe arthritis which doesn't seem to subside even with the strongest medication. I have no money and no real income at present (not even benefits) I am grateful for the food and lodging( (provided by my wife). as I am currently living 100% off her charity - if that's the right word. I have no access to therapy and have precisely 150 dollars a month less than the cost on this site. Were I offered a discount I would have precisely (whatever the figure ) less than that. My wife will not pay for my therapy as she is on a low income and we have 2 children. Most things stress me including music and even bird song is mildly irritating. I am left with the rant option. Now I am going to bed (at lunchtime) because the narcotic sleep offers some comfort.
@agreeableSail1544
You're the first person I've heard say that meditation makes them feel worse. That is my case, too. Most people say that meditation is difficult because it is boring or they have trouble 'not thinking' but, what I experience is a whole different level of discomfort. Even just sitting for a few minutes, breathing, it gets - as you say - problematic. Like falling into a deep hole and I must spend the next few hours, days, weeks, clawing back out. I've never told anyone about that because... I dunno, it seems wrong.
I appreciate your honesty. I hope my admission provides a bit of peace to you, not being alone in that. Heh.
Uh, I apologize for all the gobbley-gook at the end of that post... no idea how that happened...
I am so alone and it is all my fault. I have isolated myself from my friends and family so much that I feel like I can not talk to them about what is going on in my life for fear of judgement. I am ashamed of myself and dont want them to be dissapointed in me. I am angry that I let myself get like this.
@Rebecca33
I understand where you're coming from completely. I also feel like this. And I know I'm a hypocrite by saying this because I'm in the same position as you, but theirs always time to rebuild what you think has become lost. Even starting small, your still in the process of building what will one day become a strong foundation.
@sympatheticGrapes5527Youre not a hypocrite if you can identify a problem through experience while admitting you aren't necessarily in possession of the tools to improve upon it. That's quite mature.
@Rebecca33 I assume you have isolated yourself for mental health reasons? I think you have to separate choices you have made due to testing circumstances and those which might be deemed more in your direct control (if any). Emotionally unwell people often come across as unsociable and aloof and society and or the family can put unbearable pressure on us. It's bad enough feeling depressed without feeling guilty as well. Of course, you have made mistakes but is it really 100% your fault? And don't forget there are plenty of people who never blame themselves for anything (most of them are quite successful) and many of these are the wort people around.
Ugh I ate a lot sugar (80 grams in one sitting) and now I am angry from it. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it. Now I have to detox all over again and deal with withdrawals. Cant just sleep them off because I have to do finals for school and these stupid zoom meetings for attendance otherwise I'd just blow it off and sleep all day. Now I cant be numb and armored with self control because I ate sugar which robbed me of my self control. I did the worst thing I could do with narcissistic abusive parents - I let them see my emotions! Ugh! They've been trying to get to me all month long and they finally did because if this. THIS is why I never should have started recovering from anorexia. Recovery made me weak. I'm going back.
@Lexloveslife It's not weak to show emotions. It helps other people understand you. If they use that to hurt you, that's THEIR fault. You deserve to be able to show your emotions and not get hurt for it, and you deserve to eat. Don't punish yourself for their problems.
@BlueBetta
Thank you
@Lexloveslife
Don't kick yourself. We all have moments of weakness. It's a chance to learn, or simply have enjoyed that moment for what it was worth (bet it tasted good), and then we come back from it. You'll have forgotten about this in a couple days, try not to beat yourself up over it, because that doesn't really make anything better.
Well I have a lot in mind. First of I love a guy and confessed it to him. He first hints that he loves me too says I love you and then just leaves me hanging by saying that we should not be together because he might hurt me and he isn't enough for me and all but, everyday looks at me as of am the only one there that it's so so frustrating!!!!
Hi there
I feel frustrated with myself because I can't articulate myself well anymore, I fear contributing to group texts for work, and I often can't process things people tell me. As a result, this affects my productivity and ability to contribute. Friends, family and colleagues have given me weird looks in the past and made remarks. I am the common denominator in most of these problems but just can't quite figure out what the problem is. I also have a tendency to annoy this around me and it's soul-crushing.
Nothing ever works in my life . Whats the point of living like this ?
there is this friend that keeps messaging me every few hours, every day. i told him after a fight i needed some time to think, but clearly he doesn't understand that it mean i don't wanna hear from him, and he only makes things worse.
@LavenderWoods Just stop responding!
