You can rant here

Ive been depressed for as long as I can remember. Being a kid, it was hard to find a purpose. It was hard to find my place in the world, to fit in. I felt alone. All the time. Loneliness turned to low self esteem, turning to self hate, leading to anxiety about existing. I wanted to d.y, all the time. My parents were great in providing for me, but they didnt know how to deal with any emotion or mental issues. I was told to stop crying, told I was complaining for nothing. I suffered in silence. My depression and anxiety turned to affect my social life. I had difficulty opening up to people, expressing myself without jumping to anger. Remaining calm. I damaged relationships, couldnt really connect with anyone. All I ever felt was misunderstood. I eventually got in a romantic relationship. It lasted a while and had many up and downs. He was diagnosed with severe depression when we were dating. He was a self harmer. Sometimes he would get really angry and blame me for everything. I eventually began to think it was all my fault, and I began to suffer too. He didnt really believe me when I said I was sad too. Things eventually got better, but the emotional turmoil never went away. He eventually breaks up with me, possibly because of our distance (now thirty mins away at college). We were together for almost three years. In college I made new friends, theres this one guy I grew really close to. He then heads down the same path as my ex, and I again blame myself. I walk far away from campus and attempt to kil myse I. I make the decision to come back, and a few friends come get me. One of them, one I thought I was particularly close to comes too. Lets call her S. Syells at me when I meet her. S knew about my suicidall tendencies, and I didnt expect that outcome. I get mad at her for a few days. The next day another friend gets upset with her for how she handled the situation, and I didnt intervene. Finally I talk to S. But Im still angry. I listen to her viewpoint, shes lost a friend before. The entire thing was triggering. I tell her I wish she hadnt gotten angry but I understood. I reach out to her a week later, wanting to apologize. No response. Few days later she unfollows me. Pretty sure she blocks my number. I write her a good luck letter at a time when I wanted to say good luck. She gets mad, pretty sure she didnt read it. She moved on with her life, deleted me out of it like it was nothing. I get that it was for own benefit, but it still hurts like hell. I just want to tell her Im sorry, and in that mindset of wanting to d.y I couldnt control how I reacted to other people. I need help learning how to move on. The infp in me keeps imaging the last and scenarios in which we are just like old days. But what if this never happens? I got too emotional attached.

Hi everyone!

I have been severely depressed since middle school after my family moved and I was bullied. I have incredibly low self esteem and very low trust in other people. I have found that people don't really care. Because of this I have made myself into a very soft hearted person. I have many friends and people that look up to me and I am a great supporter of others, but I don't feel comfortable opening up to others. All it does is make me feel more vulnerable. I love to compliment people around me cause I don't want people to feel as bad I do. I've never sought help for my depression or thoughts because I don't think my family would really believe or accept me if I told them. I like to keep busy- like incredibly busy- because it keeps my mind moving and focused and pushes my thoughts to the side. As of late tho it's been getting worse with all this new found free time my thoughts and depression have crawled back in once more and with all the bad news it's just getting worse so I thought maybe it'd be time to talk or open up but o don't have anyone to open up to in person so I heard about this site and thought I'd give it a try🤷🏼‍♀️

Hi, I'm new here. I'm having a mental breakdown right now and this is the first time I've downloaded this app. I'm looking for someone who can understand me. I have enough of this, I'm so tired adjusting myself so that I can't hurt no one. I'm so tired of having toxic friends, I felt that I never had one. I'm so tired caring of what others might think when I let out how I truly feel (the fact that I always feel and need to do this in front of my family is the worst!) I don't know what to do anymore. Now I'm having this flashback when I was hurting and trying to harm myself. I want to exactly do the same right now.

Oh my fuck, I just poured my heart out into a posting and the whole thing just disappeared and wasn't posted because I mentioned almost ending it a while back. Holy fuck, I hate fucking HATE this site and its censorship!!!! FUCK YOU!!!

@wonderousSigns7

I am exhausted

I don't know how to keep on top of everything. I'm always trying my best to help everyone else and solve their problems because I don't want to deal with my own. It feels like I'm drowning myself and I feel so alone, no one ever asks how I am or wants to know. I'm so hurt from everhthing and no one can see that

being a student in school was hard for me, as i was categorised as one of the "smart" people. they would always expect me to get good grades and answer correctly on every question. they would ask me for help and expect me to understand everything of what the teacher says on the board. and you know what? it doesn't even end there. my dad expects me to do well on a particular subject, just because i enjoy it more than others? when i get a grade i'm really proud of, my mum looks at it like its average, and tells me i should do better. and all these people pressuring me, relying on me, expecting me to do so well, as made me built up bad characteristics for myself. i self doubt all the time, i give up when one thing goes wrong, i'm so self concious about people's opinions about me, and i always feel like i'm not cut out for this anymore. it's like everything i do it's being monitored, and i feel so exposed and out of my comfort zone all the time. i hate it, i hate it so much! i just want to be me, i want to be accepted for who i am, i want to do things i want to do without anyone expecting me to be good at it. i'm not perfect, i have flaws, i wish they could just see that i'm just a normal human.

@wonderousSigns7

Old values and good intentions are lost..

There is no point in me to rant....

Asian education system is screwing up my mental health. I am constantly overwhelmed with the pressure to always get above a 96 on anything. The difference between a 96 and a 95 is the difference between a 4.00 and 3.67 GPA. I think the moment I knew how messed up this entire thing is... I got a 96 in my math course once in middle school, and my mom told me "Oh, that's a lower score than usual." I thought 96 was a good score. I was kinda hurt.

I drive myself insane trying to do everything, and then I get burned out and watch YouTube mindlessly for hours to try and tell myself that I am living a wonderful life. I'm definitely very privileged. I have everything, and yet I feel so alone at times. Even though I try to tell myself that college name value isn't everything, you need to get into a college with name value to get recognized. If you don't, then people will talk. They say "--- is a good school, but it's not an Ivy." Has to be Ivy, Stanford, MIT. Nothing less. It's engrained in me, almost.

No matter what anyone tries to tell me, I always keep pushing myself in the end. I wonder when I'll be able to finally sit down, and look at my life, and be at a place where I am truly happy.

Everyone says it's better once you go to college. No matter how lonely, homesick... no matter how much imposter syndrome you have... it's better than now, they say. I hope that's true, because if not, I don't know what I've worked for in the past 12 years.

Fed up with feeling like a caregiver. My boyfriend tore his bicep last year and we found out he might have to have another surgery on it this summer. I'm having a hard time with balancing working from home, social distancing and now this stress. It feels good to vent on here though.