You can rant here

Whatever. I cry. When I'm supposed to be working . I never get things done.

Ive tried to make it up to you
Ive made mistakes that i cant take back
ive said sorry and done my best to change
it must be my fault that its never enough

ive cried and cried over the past few nights
dont want to get up when the sun begins to shine
id rather stay in bed, its too much effort to get up
just another thing that makes me not enough

you can hold me, love me, give me your lies
do your best to convince my broken mind
kiss me, whisper assurances to me
it does the job but only for tonight

watching myself blink awake
its 6 am in the morning and I
am still not over the mistakes I made
yesterday was the same old thing
like a trashy love song playing over and over
in my head, in my head, ugly voices talking

words repeating dredging up my failures
all the ones that I thought were six feet under
till Im done, till Im gone, when everything is just not fun
anymore
anymore

ive held the glass and you poured
all that you could give into it
but my hands are shaky and i dropped it
Im wasting your efforts, in case you didnt understand the analogy

just leave me off for dead already
i know you want to, you know you want to
can we please just stop pretending?
i know, its my fault and its not enough

Letter to someone who will never read it:

You yell at me for being scared and crying when we fight. Do you not remember what my last love did to me? They didn't bruise me because people could see that so they left me with aching muscles. You dont care about that though since you've grabbed me by the elbows and left purple prints behind. Dont you remember when you pulled me by my hair as well and pushed me on the bed repeatedly even though you asked me to stand back up each time? Do you remember the kitchen knife you picked up? Yet you still ask why I cry in fear when you are even the slightest bit angry.

You also get mad when I hurt myself by calling myself names, but dont you remember you were the one who gave them to me out of anger? I am what people put into me. You need to learn this before I begin to crack.... shame because I just got done gluing myself back together... the shards sharp and scattered from the last.

My song to you: "breathe no more" by evanescense

To whom It may concern,

When a person wants to be understood. Than the listener is doing two things either they are able to offer a helpful advice and comforting response or they are simply unable to understand whwt the other person is saying.

I can understand that one might be under pressure from the constant changes in life. However, if you are yourself not capable of helping don't try to offer help to others. Get some support and come here. This type of irresponsible behavior causes more harm than good. A listener ie not going to support you.

Get your act together!

Thanks 😊☺️😊

Honestly speaking my life is getting painful and hopeless with every passing day . I just can't continue like this . I have my first session with a therapist this Monday . No idea if it will help me or not . Probably nothing can help me now . :(

Do you ever feel like you have no reason to be depressed compared to other people? Like... reallly? I have a decent job, a decent family life. Decent friends . Nothing to necessarily comlplain about. But I just hate it all. I'm never happy. I have no trauma from my childhood that I know of. I've just always been insecure , had social anxiety ... and just generally no interests in many things. I find it very hard to hold a conversation with people. And I have severe jealousy of everyone who seems to have even anything that makes them happy. Anyone who has some sort of outlet to make their days a little bit easier . Because I don't have that .

when I get home from work there is absolutely nothing I want to do... except maybe sleep to just not think about negative self talk. To not obsessive over why I think people don't like me or don't want to be around me. "I'm boring, not funny enough, nothing interesting to add to a conversation" yet I just really want to be social. I am so jealous when my friends go out without me and don't invite me . And constantly think that they don't want me there . Because I'm negative or not fun. I am just making things worse for myself with this self defeating attributive and I hate it . I hate myself . I hate that so many other people have so many other "real" problems. And I'm ruining my life by putting myself down constantly . But it's all I know. All I've ever known. And i don't know how to be anyrhing else . And I'm just so tired

I have been depress for years , now going a therapist , dont know if its going to help. their is no support in my life I live alone ,with no friends so much long for . being alone by it self is making this worst. sad part of this so much long for companionship to experience love , closeness with a women . I don't understand why this has happen in my life with relationships alone or lack of . I am a person who would never cheat , don't have any anger issues , would be supportive so long for love and be loved. any response would be appreciated

Having schoolwork is so soul-sucking. I honestly can't tell if I've just been assigned way too much to do or if I just take four times as long as the average person to do it. I don't want to spend so many more years of my life unhappy and feeling like this. I want to be enjoying ever chance I get to be alive. I am terrified of death and now I fear that I will have so many regrets and miss out on so many things. I already do.

The future is blurry but the past is a trap

I feel insecure today.. because I dwell on the past when I have too much time. I miss my bf.. I get impatient to not see him. He suffers from depression/anxiety at times I can feel the hardships. It's tough to feel like I can't help but compare my relationship with others. And then finally reminding myself all the things I love and why I stay with this person. ALL because I know it's worth it. What I mean is somedays I focus too much on the obstacle more than moving past it, its a battle within myself. I myself have been experience pretty bad anxiety...so, not gonna lie being the stronger one isn't easy..

Chronic illness is truly difficult. My mind wonders to place that probably doesn't exist . My pain stops me from every day tasks and is putting rifts between the people I love. My best friend who i expected the most to support me, well finds it easier to ignore me. Funny thing is she has the same chronic illness. Did i do something wrong. Am I doing something wrong.