You can rant here

I don't know how I should explain it to you

this is probably gonna save me, my boyfriend he sent me a message last night when i was asleep saying it wasn't working and I'm just... crushed. i really like him, and i know it hasn't been a really long time since we got together, but he's one of the best things in my life right now, one of the only things keeping me afloat... i really thought he liked me i really thought i was making him happy i thought we were going good but then he did this and now im just not sure about anything anymore... i just dont get why i cant keep someone i care about and why they dont stay, what is so bad about me that they leave? what have i done to deserve this kind of pain? i was finally starting to come up and see good things again, things finally started to look up you know? i thought i was getting better and things were gonna be good, but then this happens and now im back where i started but worse... i just really dont know what to do anymore i really feel like i cant get out of this, because every time i get up again i get knocked down again and its just so much and i just dont know anymore

wow hi.. idk wht to do.. everythin is going pretty fucked for me.. idk i have this HUGE crush on a girl.. but she just broe it to me that she likes someone else nd evn said her name to me.. idk wht im feeling anymore.. like wow.. dude idk man.. this is bad.. why is everythin so bad fam.. wtf why

I feel a bit lonely lately. Actually, scratch that. I'm pretty messed up for the past few weeks now. I was overthinking everything and I feel like I can't talk to anyone because I don't like bothering people with my own problems and I'm afraid they won't understand me. I keep on doing things that I wont normally do and I can't keep myself from thinking of just giving up everything here. I just feel so lost right now and I'm not even sure what am I doing with my life.

I feel so on the edge of losing my mind. The people I live with are moving and I am moving with them. They don't know where they are moving to. They've targeted two different states on different sides of the country. I don't want to go. My mental state is fragile and I don't want to go, but I'm going. It is the best choice out of 3 bad choices. I can either, 1. off myself, or 2., live out of my small car with Chloe the cat, or 3. move with them. They have substance abuse problems and mental problems which they refuse to address. I have mental problems of my own, and I am a recovered drug addict and alcoholic. They are offering me cheap rent in exchange for helping them around the house. They both have serious health problems. I feel crushed, childish, defeated, sad, depressed, confused, unsure, scared, and I could go on and on. I'm completely overwhelmed and all I can say is I don't want to go, but no one is forcing me, so I will go.

I cannot wrap my head around why you did this to me and why I'm going through this. I just want my life back. I want to be happy again.

Im just drained...I feel "tied up"... I feel like I'm pushing everyone around me away... I want to to stuff... but I just cant seem to start...i feel like a disappointment ...

Everyone just sucks. Heroes only exist in movies.

Again to someone who will never read this,

Again you spent your night threatening to leave, calling me a fat cow and a bitch and a liar, over a goddamned taco from tacobell. All i said was they messed it up and instead of letting it go, you blow up on me saying I'm a nagging bitch who shouldn't complain about anything. You also said we wouldn't be eating takeout if i knew how to cook and that every meal i ever make is disgusting but yet you eat it and never help me in deciding what to make for the week. In fact you asked for takeout every week. You say the house is trashed but I'm the only one who ever tries ro clean and I've been trying to make us money to pay my part of the bills so yeah things are obviously going to be a little undone. But no, ontop of that i can't feel tired at10 at night because Im a lazy fat cow who dosent do anything right? Just remember when I'm hating myself and worrying that you were the one who plunged me back into darkness.

So, my f'in sister is siding with her husband more. A few days ago, he barged in on me while I was taking a shower in their glass enclosed shower. I felt violated an attacked because he is a bully and acts like a 2 year old throwing tantrums. If he was a nice person, I would have taken it as mistake, like he claims it is. But it isn't. So this is what happened next and I'm not making this up. Because I felt violated and attacked, he threatened to divorce my sister, stop the sale of their house, and not buy a new house with her. He also told my sister that he doesn't want me to talk to him for a while. My sister said it is my fault because I didn't lock the bathroom door. He should have knocked if he wasn't sure who was in there.

So this is the latest, and I am so sick of my sister for it. I used to do my brother in laws laundry, along with hers and mine. I folded his clothes and hers and mine. Not anymore. Last night I found his clothes in the dryer and I needed the dryer. So I moved his clothes to the top of the dryer, used the machine, and then put his clothes back in the dryer.

Because of how he is treating me, I am looking for a job to move out. That is hard for me because I am mentally disabled. But I will try. I only have about a month, because my sister, brother in law, and me are supposed to move to their new house in another state at the end of January.

So this is what I am sick of that happened with my sister this morning. I told her that I will no longer do his laundry for 2 reasons. First is that I am looking for a job and starting to keep my eyes on apartments in apartment search engines. Those 2 things are a job in themselves. Second is that I am looking out for my own mental health and if he wants to treat me poorly and act like a 2 year old then he will be treated like a 2 year old. My f'in sister said I am unecessarily escalating things and damaging the relationships between everyone. That f'in b said I am the one in the wrong again.

I have self respect. She doesn't. I can't stand her and him. I can't wait to find a job and move out. I can't wait not to have them in my life again.