You can rant here

I just feel like a failure. I quit or fail everything I do. If I "finish what I've started," it is a nasty sight. I just can't do anything right. I keep messing up; it is like I am constantly walking on eggshells. I took a mental health inventory today with my girlfriend watching, and she almost had a heart attack when she realized how bad off I really am. It is just a joke at this point. I hate everything.

I feel discouraged, I was planning to go away on a trip to meet a man I thought I loved, instead I got into health issues, fears and anxieties that has been going on for three months now, and I feel I do not know the way out of it, so it feels as though I have fallen from grace into darkness and dispair.

Every single night I get into a fight with my boyfriend of seven months. It's small things that just keep spiraling into bigger things. I feel sad most nights but when I hang out with him during the day we have the best times together. He always tells me to respect him which I find very annoying. In addition, i tell him how I feel sometimes and he tells me my feelings are wrong. Ugh!

I am really sensitive to being scolded. I wish I wasn't. But I have so much stress for my own exams and duties that I sometimes forget to do the cooking the right way as my single-father expect me and my sister. He talks angrily on it for days, and this puts me in too much stress for the next mistake I might make.

But then, he cannot take it when we have anxiety for an exam and he says you're annoying everybody else in the house! This makes me so angry but I can't show it, because it leads to a fight and follows with more days of friction and scolds!

Honestly I'm pretty demoralized at the moment. I don't really see us getting away from covid 19 at all anymore. We can't fucking cooperate anymore, we always gotta be at each others throats. People like me, who just simply want all our loved ones to be safe, are always the bad guy too for some reason. Apparently we're trampling on everyone's freedom to not wear a mask to protect their fellow human beings. Seriously I feel like it's become a controversial statement to say that I just want everyone to be safe. Am I seriously such a bad person for wanting my friends and family to be fucking alive? Is this where we're at?

I know we have a rodent problem (again).. but I do get tired of Dad piling cereal boxes ontop of storage boxes included Shredded Wheaties family pack box which blocks my view (and if I hadn't moved it-it would have blocked my access to my Cola soft drink next week) of my pop can shelf which I need access to once a week and I like seeing all my pop at the same time.

My province got locked down (AGAIN!) as of Boxing Day so it means at the moment I can't go out and get fast-food in person, I don't trust for various reasons delivery apps. Mom said "if I get desperate -Dad could take me through a drive-thru of a restaurant "

My parents don't seem to understand why I want "fast food" crap of a hot dog instead of cooking one at home.

I was doing my job of recycling and Dad (still forgetting I had no program to go too since March) left some coupon stuff for McDonald's and a Canadian chain called Harvey's on the work table. I was looking at the Harvey's coupon and I have noticed over the years that Harvey's never has coupons for hot dogs only their burgers-in the latest coupon for about $12 you can get burgers/hot dogs combo for 2. When I complained about that Dad reminded me that "we can cook hot dogs at home" but I just said I wanted fast food crap. When I told Mom, she doesn't understand why I want to spend my own money. I know Dad keeping an eye on my bank account- but that still doesn't mean I don't want to spend my own money. Since "making hot dogs at home" means no fries (not "crap" fries or in this case, it would be onion rings instead of fries ) that you can get at places like Harvey's, and fries at McDonald's, Wendy's) or brand-name pop the only "pop" i have at home is what is called store-brand pop. And yeah the store brands are good but the iciness/stickiness and the ice cubes which come with "fast food crap" taste a LOT better than store-brand pop Oh and we never really ever have "real" hot dog buns.. but more like buns for like Subs whenever we have our so-called hot dogs in this house.

I mean that might just be my teenage mind (despite the rest of me being an adult) is wanting to spend my own money as kind of a way of being independent/wanting fast-food crap as a way of rebelling against the normal food I eat every day which get boring after having it for a while.

PS "Santa" brought me more ramen for Christmas

I love my boyfriend. We have a very complicated friendship and relationship history. However his ex, who shattered him: wants to be back in his life as they were together for years while we were friends.

It causes anxiety triggers, because I'm afraid he might go back to her and I feel I cannot openly express this to her or him. I'm trying to heal him heal and I'm afraid before I enjoy our time together she is going to weasel in.

I feel like I'm never going to get my feelings expressed. I also feel his shattered mental and emotional scars are not going to heal if she keep being completely in the picture.

Please just pray for the situation.

to anyone who is reading this, it will get better.

whatever you are going through, will get better because you have the strength to get through it. because i believe in you. you got this. however it is making you feel, your feelings are valid and this tough period of your life will soon be over. and we will be okay. we will be happy. sending you loads of love because you deserve it 💗✨ i am so so proud of you. please keep going.

I am feeling so frustrated with my roommate! She is constantly singing (VERY off key) and making noises whenever there is quiet - i don't think she is comfortable with quiet at all. i am very sensitive and need a lot of quiet. she also is a terrible listener but talks for a long time about things that i don't care about and I feel like I have to listen to her even though she interrupts me when i try to talk or she responds with curt responses that show that she has no idea or understanding of what i have actually said. she also makes little comments that imply that she is better than me. sometimes its about work schedules/ pay. i had a panic attack the other day and she was nice in the moment (though not very helpful) but now I feel like she is weirdly annoyed with me and made a comment like 'that used to happen to me in high school but I figured it out" and 'there are things you can do to not be anxious." i don't believe that she is better than me (in fact i believe she is not very self aware at all and a pretty bad listener) and I don't put the same value in money or in some of the other things that she does. I also know that obviously i am trying to manage my anxiety and it is not my fault that i had a panic attack. She is just really bugging me and has like 0 self awareness so i think she doesnt understand that she's being rude/ annoying.