You can rant here
I know how it feels sometimes when you just want to rant, but don't know who to talk too or even if they will care. Well I care. You're not alone! Please feel free to say whats been on your mind lately, if you want someone to talk too or just want to rant away. I will listen.
Hi everyone. I recently joined this site hoping that I could talk to somebody who could help me and make me feel better. I know how bad it could be when you feel like no one cares about you so I just wanted to make this post and tell you that you can always reach out to me, no matter what. Sometimes, maybe I won't be able to give you the advice, but I promise, I'll always be there to listen and talk to you. Helping people feels wonderful and I wanna be there for anyone who needs it. You are not alone, there's always someone who cares.
@taylorlover13 That's really nice of you! Have you considered opening a listener account? That way people can pm you, but they can't do that if you have a member account. I'm really glad you want to help people! This site is a great way to do that.
I have always been the responsible one in the family. I cared for my Mom for many years until her death. My younger sibling died at a young age, my older sibling is a thoughtless, careless, materialistic person who cares for no one. He has never acknowledged the deaths of our Mom or Brother. My Dad always told me to watch out for him, and he was right. You find out the character of people when loved ones die. I'd like to tell him what I think of him, but I don't think he'd get it. I stay away from him.
@gentleMelon3170
Hey there. it looks like you have a tricky situation.
My older sister used to have a lot of personality problems that could make her really bitchy and impossible to deal with. she could be cruel, heartless, remorseless, but it was all stemming from issues we both had as a child but reacted differently to. i became an emotional clinger, trying to please everyone and be as good a person as possible, she went off the rails and was volatile.
Its possible your older sibling has serious emotional problems which stem from deeper issues. i think it would be a good idea for you to try family counciling. it is only when we have reached the root of our emotional scars and let other people know our wants and feelings that they can understand us. he may be harboring resentment, denial, a bad child complex or more.
then again he could just be a useless arsehole.
in either case, if you desire a loving, stable relationship with your brother, family therapy might be the way to go.
i wish you the best of luck.
Your anonymous Mapleleaf
Basically I can only ask one question right now. Why can't it be me?
My younger sister has a chronic condition now and my older sister might have cancer. My mother has had health problems her whole life and my grandparents have heart and cancer problems. I've got nothing medically wrong with me. How is that fair?
It should be me. All of it. I'm the useless one. I'm the one that deserves all of it. I haven't amounted to anything and I never will. I've always been the miserable black sheep. Why can't it be me? Why do I get to be lucky? I want the good people to stop hurting and for all of that pain to come to me. Take it all away from them and give it all to me so they can be spared the pain they don't deserve.
Sure, it would be unpleasant. But at least it would only be me in pain and who cares? I'm nobody. I'm not important. So why do I get to be lucky? I don't deserve all that luck. So why can't it be me? Why does everything bad have to happen to everyone else? There's no reason for it. If anything made sense, I'd get all their pain and suffering and just die the insignifcant worm that I am. But nothing makes sense. It never has and it never will.
@Rilon You're not useless. It sounds like you love your family, and I can't speak for them, but they probably love you too. Even if you kinda are the black sheep to them, that doesn't make you worth less, or more deserving of what's happening to them. Wanting a way to take problems away from people we care about is normal, but you don't deserve it any more than they do.
I'm sure you do this already, but it might help you and your family members if you try to be there for them and help them with what they're going through. Don't forget to take care of yourself though, okay?
@BlueBetta
Thanks for the kind words. I do apprecuate the sentiment and the encouragement. I understand that you're being genuine but I simply cannot believe most anything you said, apart from the fact that my family loves me. I don't really understand why they love someone as inherently unlovable as me but I know it's there.
I should have ended this at 'thanks'. But I'm no good at just letting things lie. Honesty is important to me and I couldn't just say 'thanks' without saying more. Sorry. And thanks again.
@Rilon I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm glad you told the truth though. It's important to say what you're really thinking and feeling when you can. It's okay that you don't believe me right now, but I hope you'll believe me someday. You're worth more than you think you are.
Hi all.
I'm 25 and beginning to realise how not having a father (among other issues) has seriously affected my life.
When I was ten my grandfather molested my 12 year old sister. When my mum found out, she told us the truth. My grandfather was her stepdad, and he had groomed, abused, and raped her since she was 13. when she was 17 and dating for the first time, she found out she was pregnant, and had a secret abortion. But the clinic sent a confirmation letter to her home adress, and my grandma forced her to open it and read it aloud. They had the mother of all arguments, and my grandma accused my 17 year old mum of murdering her first grandchild. My mum confessed in anger that she had an abortion because she couldnt be sure if it was her boyfriend's or her stepfather's. My grandma slapped her. She blamed my mum. Called it an 'afair'. She sent my mum and her sisters into care and told her if she wanted to come home, she had to tell the 'truth', that according to my grandma, it never happened. After weeks miserable in care, and feeling guilty her sisters were there too, she eventually lied and said she had made it all up. She was allowed to go home, as long as she never spoke of it again. So my mum went home. He continued to attempt to abuse her. Eventually she married my dad, had my sister, but he was violent and controlling. so when she was pregnant with me, she divorced him. He never came back for my sister or me. Not a visit, phonecall, letter or even a birthday card. I'm now a quarter of a century old.
After the truth came out, my mum told her mum. My grandma kicked that monster out finally, but she blamed my mum. She said my mum had torn the family apart. They never spoke again. I didnt want to see my grandma because of this, but my sister did, and it put her in a very difficult position eveytime she went. So my sister and my mum persuaded me to go. I went, and never disclosed my feelings to my grandma about deserting her own daughter, in order to keep the peace. So my sister and I had a mostly normal relationship with my grandma, while my poor mum was abandoned. I cannot explain the depths of my confusion, and guilt for having this relationship with my grandma. On one hand I could never forgive her for abandoning my mum, while I still loved my grandma, and I couldnt talk about this because someone might get angry. I wanted to shun my grandmother for shunning my mum, but when I wasnt allowed to do that, I was afraid of also being shunned by her if I revealed how I felt.
My mum tried to press charges on that monster of a grandfather. But my unkle, who is his biological son, also took his side. He let him sleep in his house, and he told my mum if she pressed charges, he would also alledge to the police that she had been a sexually promiscuous child and at a young age she had innapropriately touched him (my unkle) in a game of doctors. The police told my mum that if these allegations were made, she could potentially lose custody of my sister and I. so in order to keep her kids, she dropped the charges. And that monster, that bastard lived out the rest of his days peacefully, with all of his friends and family believing he was a good man.
One of my aunties also cut my mum off, supporting my gramdma. She refused to believe that the abuse started when my mum was 13. She instead believes she was 17 when it started.
My other auntie sat on the fence, acting as mediator between family members. Ferrying me and my sister to and from relative and passing messages on and such. She has been the strongest support in my family, but she also harshly judges my mums behavior. Yes, my mum can overreact, be self-cebtered and act strangely. But do these people not realise the effect abuse has on a child? Of course shes going to be messed up in the head a little. But you all blame her?? I can never understand or accept my relatives opinion on this subject.
When I was about 8, my mum started dating what is now my stepdad. He was a good man, and he stuck by my mum through all this. I accepted him as my father, and took his name when my mum remarried. I knew he was always gruff, he wasnt fond of hugs, while I was a cuddle addict, and he refused to take me fishing (one of his hobbies) as he said I wouldnt like it. But when he started seeing his son from a previous marriage, I saw just how good a father he vould be. Always there for his son, telling stories and jokes, going out together, playing snooker, going fishing, and I realised... its not that hes not good at being an affectionate loving father, its just that he doesnt love me. I always believe that in anger, you say the hurtful truth that you would usually keep to yourself. Well once in anger, he told me I "wasnt the kind loving person I would like everyone to believe" I was, ...and my mum agreed. Now I never have, nor ever will profess to be some angel. But I live my life under philosophies of kindness, compassion, understanding and loyalty. Yet he was making out that I am some kimd of wolf in sheep's clothing, that I'm actually a little bitch posing as a good person. He said this to intentionally crush me. Is this not emotional abuse? And my mum, agreed.
So in my life I've had no stable father figure. My dad abandoned me. My grandfather was a raping pedophile. My unkle abandoned me, my mum and my sister in favor of a raping pedophile, and after years of loving and respecting my stepdad, I found out he doesnt love me. I just came with the marriage. To top it all off, I can never believe my mum or my stepdad if ever they compliment me, because I know they truly feel I am a bad person posing as a good person.
I now find it impossible to start a relationship with a man because it is impossible to trust a man. I'm not attracted to women although sometimes I wish I was, even with the persecution gay people still wrongly suffer today at least I might have a chance of finding love. I'm still a virgin. I fear I will be for a long time. I've tried dating, but had to escape after a month because intimacy made me so uncomfortable. Other times I find someone who I am attracted to, who is also attracted to me, but I quickly find a reason that puts them in the un-dateable category. Normally 'hes just after sex' suspicions.
I struggle to concentrate on work or studies. I am alone in love. I feel I can only have half relations with my family because I have to hide part of what I feel about them. I'm sat typing this at 3.30am because like so many other nights, this spout of sudden depression is keeping me awake. I have no-one I can share this all with. But I wanted to write it down and let everyone know my story anonymously, so that you can see the effect absent farthers, child abuse and victim blaming has on a person, even if they are not the direct victim. If youve made it through my entire story, you are a true champion. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart - it's something I can only give online, so technically you've got more of my heart than I've ever been able to give anyone before, and probably ever will.
Your anonymous Mapleleaf.
@Mapleleaf24 You are truly, a beautiful human being.. the passion I feel when i read your post... I don't know you, but know that you've made it this far and you've got so much further to go. Hold onto your strength. Xo it's all people like us have left.
@Mapleleaf24 I'm so sorry... I'm glad you were able to tell us that. I hope you find some people in your life who are good for you soon.
I am tired of hearing
"Oh, you are so sensitive" - I know that, I've been told in kindergarden, in school, in sports-clubs, at work, everywhere i went, so don't tell me again - I KNOW
I am tired of seeing people laugh at me because I would help an injured lizard, brake for any animal crossing the road in front of me, understand the monkies that they are hungry and steel food - I get hungry too!
I am tired of people telling me, sensitivity is the same as weakness. It is not. They just do not understand.
I am tired anybody telling me, don't think about it, be strong, nothing to worry about yet when something threatening is "hanging in the air".
I am sensitive, but I am not weak, I feel strong.
So, this was my today's rant, I felt good, thanks for providing this space.
@amiableTurtle9543
Hi my fellow sensitive soul,
I want to assure you sensitivity is not weakness. The issue here is not with you, but of the closed-mindedness of the people around you. If you find a community of like-minded people, you might find your calling, and the support you deserve. have you considered working or volunteering in animal or people care? It can truly be some of the most rewarding work, but it needs compassionate like yourself. the care industry in particular has far too many uncompassionate ghouls, but plenty of people like yourself who make all the difference. Ignore people who try to change you, because you were made the way you are for a reason. follow your morals, cut your own path, and find your calling. I have your back.
Your anonymous Mapleleaf
@Mapleleaf24
Hi, thanks for your kind words. I like myself how I am, at times a little difficult with all the input I get whilst others don't, but most of the time that's okay. I found it very relaxing to let some steam off.
Working with animals or people in care is definitively rewarding, nothing is nicer than seeing gratitude in their eyes when getting help or hearing a thank you.
I thank you for attending to my post. 
(today i can smile again)
@amiableTurtle9543
Im so glad to hear youre back on your feet!
keep your chin up, dont forget 7 cups if you ever feel down again ok?
Your anonymous Mapleleaf
@Mapleleaf24
thanks, I will not forget, chin is up for some time again 
. I just feel very annoyed hearing "you are so sensitive", but mostly take it with a pinch of salt, hehe.
The hardest thing I've ever had to admit to myself was that I wasn't okay. Everyday was a blur, everyday was forgotten but every dream was remembered. The dream I had to perform, the dream I had to have a family because I never had one, the dream of being that trophy husband to my partner because all I've ever wanted was to love someone like I never got loved, the dream to be able to express myself in ways only touch itself can describe. The dreams I have will always only be dreams, because my reality is that all the things I've ever dreamed will never come true.. why?.. because I have a deeper purpose.. I just haven't found it yet. So everyday is a blur until the light comes to break this darkness I saunter about in.. until then, I'll live in my dreams.
@AspiringKoda
Hey there,
I can see things have not been easy for you. from personal experience I'm not much good with intimacy in relationships, but ive known plenty of people whove managed to make it work. the important thing is to be yourself. if you try to become someone you think the other person will love and respect, they wont love and respect the real you, they will love the broadway show you perform everyday. Love often finds people when theyre not looking for it, because they are just being their honest self. there is no one person who is perfect. the person you find will be broken in someway too. the important part is that you will accept those broken parts without second thought, and the right person for you will do the same in return.
Perhaps find a new short term goal, say for the next 12 months? maybe to expand your friend circle, to travel or to join clubs or improve your body or soul (for no-one other than you). dont stop dreaming. because its not impossible, its not a myth. and im sure you will find your happiness.
Your anonymous Mapleleaf
Omgosh.. got a stupid parking ticket. I parked at an underground parking, and crossed the street for a doctor's appointment, came back to the side I parked and bought a drink near the parking entrance.. went back to my car, and got a ticket on the dash! Very pissed.. and there were no number to call where I can speak to someone to appeal it.. just asked to email IN WRITING the appeal with proof.. but the place didn't give me a receipt for the drink.. It was $73!!!
The parkade for the doctor's appointment is not opened yet.. next time, I might need to park at the nearby mall or pay at the park and ride across the other street near the clinic next time.. The mall is quite far, I was in a rush for the appointment today. It was suppose to be the last appointment at 3:15pm, and I got off work at 3pm.. I left 5 minutes earlier.. and ran when I crossed the street.. Stupid.. Not once have I seen someone actually checking the cars in that parkade before.. I saw a guy checking the cars when I drove in.. but I was already running late.. just stupid. I did buy a drink after coming back from the clinic..
So, makes me wonder.. If I were to buy the drink first, before going to the appointment, would I still get fined for leaving that building..?
Even more pissed about the whole thing, because I didn't even see the doctor.. have to rearrange another appointment for another day.. argh!!!~
Tired of the way things have been.
I'm sorry for it all. I'm sorry for being a terrible daughter and sister. I'm sorry for being an inconvenience. I'm sorry for not being the perfect girlfriend. You deserve so much better. I'm sorry for being selfish and not caring enough, even though you tell me I do. I know it's all lies. I'm sorry for giving you all this negativity. I'm sorry for even existing. I shouldn't be here. I'm a disappointment. And I'm tired of this feeling. I'm tired of feeling hopeless and emtpy, and I just want all of it to end. No matter what, I can't seem to feel happy for even one day. This feeling will always come back. This feeling that tells me that nobody loves me. This feeling that makes me feel hopeless and suicidal. This feeling that causes panic attacks. And only one person in my life has taken the time out of their days to actually care and help me through it all. And for this one person I will be forever thankful for. Everyone else who I have told about this feeling and these dark thoughts have told me that I shouldn't do anything bad and they just moved on in their day to their other friends. This one person talks to me everyday and helps me through this feeling. But this one person will be gone for a week. I'm scared for the nighttimes because this feeling intensifies. I don't know how I can do this. I don't have anyone else to talk to really besides this website. And I'm thankful for this website and everyone on here. I tell myself that I want to die everyday. But in all truth, I don't want to die. I just want to feel free. I don't want to be tortured by it anymore. But I know I'm going to have to fight it everyday when I wake up. It's what makes me feel hopeless. Anyways, I'm gonna stop here. Thank you for making this thread and letting me let it all out. Thank you friends on 7cups, and I hope you all are doing well ❤️
@andithebisexualcat
Hey, I'm here for you.
why dont you tell me your story? what is it that you feel you have to hide and make your life a lie about?
often when we tell people about suicide they dont know how to deal with it and they tell themselves nothing bad will happen. like someone getting in their car to drive home after theyve spend the night drinking. so the worry gets pushed deap down amd they ignore it. you need to talk to people who have the experience needed to emphasise with your situation.
if you want to know more about my background, read my post. its a long one, but you dont have to read it all. my cousin committed suicide in 2015. i cannot ignore someone who has the same feelings as he did. so if you want to talk anonymously, share with me. i will be able to understand, at least a little.
Your anonymous Mapleleaf
@Mapleleaf24
Thank you greatly friend. I'm extremely sorry about your cousin, and I hope you are doing well now, although something like that seems like it would never really disappear from your mind. You seem like a great person, and I would love to talk with you sometime about it all. Sending love and light your way ❤️
@andithebisexualcat
Hi there, its great to hear from you!
how are you feeling today?
Im ok with my cousins death actually. i had times in my life before he died where i felt suicidal. i thought, it would be hard on my family, but they will eventually accept im gone and move on. but after daniel died, i knew suicide is something i could never, ever do to my family. its something that cant be described until youve experienced it first time. but after seeing the hole ripped in each family members soul, i knew suicide was no longer an option.
in a strange way, my cousins death helped me get over my suicidal thoughts. while sometimes the thought crosses my mind every now and then, its really just a random, whimsical musing.
Im now more concerned for the living, the people who felt the same way my cousin and i did. I just want to reach out and tell people that suicide might seem ok, but it is probably the worst decision anyone could make. i know life can be bad, believe me ive been there. but i remember life comes in sections, and it wont stay the same forever. it gets better. in school i was angry about bullies, but they were gone when i reached college. in my first job i hated it and felt like this would be my life until i died, but then i changed jobs. i just try to remember, this too shall pass.
again, if you want to share your thoughts, feelings or story. you can use my ear. i wish you all the best.
Your anonymous Mapleleaf
@Mapleleaf24
hey there ❤️
I'm actually doing alright today, been feeling a bit anxious and like I'm on the verge of a panic attack, but I'm hoping this feeling will pass soon enough. I'm so very sorry that you have felt this way before, and everything you explained about how you felt I related to so very much. But I am so happy that you are here today chatting with me and that you didn't do anything bad. Suicide is a scary thing. I've thought about it everyday for the past few months, and even though I've almost done it I've never had the guts to actually do it. Sometimes I feel trapped inside my own head feeling as if I cannot escape these thoughts. But I am waiting for the day where I can break free and finally wake up happy and feel nice for at least a day. I'm looking forward to finally seeing the light at the end of this very dark and long tunnel I've been in for a while now.
Thank you for your words, they mean much to me. I'm happy that you got through those things, and like I said previously, that you are here today. I don't even really know you, but you have a very nice energy about you that I can trust and talk to. Thank you for being here friend ❤️
@
@andithebisexualcat
good morning! (or whatever time of day it for you)
Its so wonderful to see youre such a fighter. you said you dont have the guts to do it, but i honestly believe its braver to carry on. Ive never met you, but immensely proud for your continued success.
There might not be a one single day you wake up a changed person, but instead find that change happens grafually everyday until you no longer recognise the place youve come from. why dobt you start a diary so you can look back from time to time on what has changed? it might surprise you, some of the things we forget 
keep it up! today is another day off the calendar, another day you made it!
Your anonymous Mapleleaf~
@Mapleleaf24
hey there :)
thank you for the support, it actually means very much to me. keeping a diary is actually a good idea, and I will definetly start one. I think it could help. you say I'm a fighter, however when I read your post to this thread I realised that you are the real fighter here. I'm so very sorry about your difficulties with your family and everything, but you are so very strong and for that I admire you and you inspire me to get through this. you've gone through so much, yet here you are, fighting and strong. and for that I'm proud of you. I hope you're doing well, and keep staying strong friend ❤️
I can
@Kristentries89 It's really scary when you feel depression coming back. It doesn't sound like surgery would help either. I hope you don't need that surgery, and that you'll feel better soon.
