drowning in my thoughts
I've had depression since I was in highschool. now I'm close to graduating college, and everything feels like it's falling apart. I've moved back home, and lost my freedoms. I've gained weight, giving me a worse image of myself. My "friends" disappear when there isn't something for them to gain. I can't get any kind of comfort, phsical or emotional or anything.
And to make it worse, my soul mate left me out of the blue recently. He suffers from depression also, and recently got put on 2 different antidepressants. He had been fighting their effects to find closeness with me, and be there for me as much as he could. He was still trying to be sweet. Then one day, he said he didn't know what was wrong with him, but he can't feel the same right now, and he thinks he needs to just move on from me. He asked me when he started the medicine if he lost his way, made a mistake, and left me, would I still be there when he came to his senses? He told me that he knows no one will ever love him the way I do during this conversation. The next time he saw me, he said he wanted to be mine forever. In just a matter of days, it doesn't make any sense that everything could change so drastically.
It all just comes together to bring me down further. So far down that I feel like I'm drowning, and I can't function. I can't get any where. It's a struggle to go to work, and when I'm home, I just lay in bed. There's a pain in my chest that consumes everything. I can't eat or sleep without a fight. I'm so lost and don't know what to do anymore... I don't know where to place my hope, and so the future terrifies me. Someone please help
I'm so sorry you have to experience this, I perfectly understand what you're going through. I am absolutely terrible at comforting people,but I hope a virtual hug will help you a little. You are not alone. :)
Thatsounds very hard for you and I can comprehend how you're feeling cause I was in a similiar situation a few years ago.. I know it's hard butfighting against my emotions and fight against the things which destroyed me finally helped me and I started to accept who I am. Don't allow the demons in your head to kill you.. Maybe you have to find something to take your mind off your negative feelings. Do some sport, play an instrument,start drawing something or I don't know. So you don't despair by doing nothing..
Have you thought about a therapy or professional help? Sometimes talking is very helpful.
And don't be angry with your soulmate cause if he's struggeling with depression too it's not that easy for him to stay strong and at the same timehelp you. Enjoy every second you spend with him.
Stay strong!! (sorry for my (bad) english..)
Thank you for that. I'm looking into getting professional help. That's just a little intimidating right now. I'm trying to not get mad at him but be there as the friend he wants me to be. I'm a believer that true love always triumphs so we'll find our way back. It's just hard to see that and to do without him in that way. I'm trying to reinvest in my art. Just gotta find the energy