falling apart
hi sorry if this is ranty or triggering im gonna mention selfharm and disordered eating at some point.
so ive been dealing with depression since i was 13/14 (18 now). went to my school guidance councellor age 14 then a doctor, was prescribed meds, my parents threw out the prescription and threatened to take away all my technology and books. went to another doctor 3 years later who referred me to a councellor from august 2018 to may 2019, who wouldnt entertain the idea of formally diagnosing me and i couldn't tell her everything incase she told my parents (she left may '19, told me i'd get a letter in august about the new councellor i'd be seeing but the letter never came and she probably closed my file). ive done everything i'm meant to. i've tried and tried and tried to get help. i've done everything everyone says (talk to parents, school, see a doctor, go to councelling, try go on meds). nobody irl knows i selfharm and have done so since i was 14/15, but it's gotten worse lately. i think i've developed an eating disorder, but that's a topic for another day. school is a permanent weight on my chest. i'm meant to go to college september 2020 but i don't even know if i'll make it that far. i have no clue what i'm meant to do, and i'm so tired of trying when it's all pointless. i'm so so scared and tired of feeling this way
@kaeg
I hear the incredible amount of pain you're in. I wish I could take it from you, even though I don't know you. Because the desperation and despair is just too familiar. I won't pretend I know how to fix everything, but here are some suggestions. Maybe something can be of use to you. (Sorry if it's stuff you've heard before.)
I would suggest you keep trying therapists. I went through four or five before I found one that worked for me. They're not all the same. Some are great, some are worse than useless.
Look up ways to practice self-care and self-love. The self-harm has a sort of morbid logic to it, but it only reinforces the depressive patterns.
Try thinking about what you value in life, what's important to you. Then try to organize your life around that. It's easier to bear the pain of living when it's for something. College should be a good place to explore this kind of thing.
It's never pointless. It's just really, really hard sometimes. But you can always come here for support.
@EmeraldOwl2459 thank you
